10-year-old Xiaoyu met her parents? Concealed? Divorce, after seeing the clue from the parents' furtive actions, Xiaoyu's mother, Ms. Wang, never saw her son's innocent smiling face again, replaced by a wooden expression and almost speechless silence. So, Xiaoyu's happy childhood is because of his parents? Concealed? The divorce suddenly ended.
One year after Ms. Wang's divorce, Xiaoyu's personality has undergone tremendous changes, with morbid psychological symptoms. After examination by a psychologist, Xiaoyu was diagnosed with mild depression. ? I just want to protect him. I hope he will tell him about the divorce when he is older, for fear that he is too young to bear it. I didn't expect my son to get depression. I really regret it. I should tell my child directly from the beginning, let him face it, and then patiently explain the reasons for his divorce and win his understanding! ? Ms. Wang said with tears.
In order not to affect the children, the husband and wife decided to hide the divorce.
Ms. Wang is 34 years old and lives in Song He Street, Daoli District, Harbin. In August 2009, she and her husband went through the divorce procedure, and Ms. Wang lived with her son Xiaoyu. ? Xiaoyu 10 years old, in the fifth grade in a primary school in Daoli District. Because we are about to face junior high school, we decided to keep divorce with him in advance and tell him when he is in junior high school or older. ? Ms. Wang said that after the divorce, Xiaoyu's father went to other places. When he left, he left a lot of clothes and daily necessities for fear that his son would find out.
? Xiaoyu's father is a salesman in a company. At first, he lied to Xiaoyu that his father was on a business trip. Two months later, Xiaoyu began to miss his father and talked to him on the phone almost every day. ? Ms. Wang said that before last year, Xiaoyu's father came back and bought many gifts for Xiaoyu, and then told Xiaoyu that he was going on a business trip. Xiaoyu asked, Dad, why do you always travel? Xiaoyu's father didn't know what to say at that time.
? Before I divorced Xiaoyu's father, I never quarreled in front of my son, but Xiaoyu was very cautious from an early age and always found that we were at odds. ? Ms. Wang said that after the divorce, Xiaoyu's father and I hardly spoke by phone. Suddenly, his father is always on a business trip. Although these Xiaoyu said nothing, they all saw it in their eyes and kept it in their hearts. ?
During the Spring Festival, Xiaoyu and her mother went back to her grandmother's house. Ms. Wang said that the old people and relatives were sad about her divorce, but everyone had to pretend to be happy in front of the light rain. From then on, Xiaoyu often asked me if I had a quarrel with my father, and I said no?
It was found that the boy whose parents were divorced suffered from mild depression.
Paper can't wrap fire after all. In May this year, Ms. Wang and several friends took their children to the Science and Technology Palace to play. During the chat, my friend accidentally let slip. At that time, I thought my son didn't hear my friend ask me what I was going to do after the divorce. When I went home for dinner, Xiaoyu suddenly cried loudly at the dinner table, crying and saying, Mom, Dad doesn't want us, will he never come back? Ms. Wang said that whenever I recall that scene, I can't help crying.
In the next few days, Ms. Wang has been comforting Xiaoyu, and Xiaoyu's father came back to accompany her for three days. The night before she left, Xiaoyu cried for another night. ? Xiaoyu has changed a lot since we got divorced. Every day, she is depressed and unhappy. She doesn't play roller skating, football or invite her classmates to play at home. Often a person in a daze, I have never seen my son's innocent smiling face. ? Ms. Wang said that in order to make Xiaoyu happy, she cooked his favorite dishes and bought a lot of snacks and toys for Xiaoyu. However, Xiao Yu Dou looked blank and often cried or contradicted others angrily. ? Not long ago, a parent-teacher meeting was held, and the teacher told me that Xiaoyu was absent-minded in class and often got angry with his classmates because of a little thing, and his grades fell out of the previous 10 for the first time. ?
65438125 October, in a hospital in Harbin, a psychologist diagnosed Xiaoyu's depression as an early symptom of mild depression, and Xiaoyu should be able to recover through effective treatment.
Psychologists conceal divorce, which is more harmful to children.
According to statistics, the number of adolescents suffering from depression is increasing year by year, and most of the patients are neglected and despised, among which single-parent children account for 20% of the patients with depression.
? When many parents divorce, the first thing they think of is not hurting their children. However, concealing divorce often backfires. Like Xiaoyu, parents will be more hurt if they hide the fact of divorce. ?
Experts say,? Concealed? Once children learn about divorce from other channels, they will often be caught off guard, and there will be many negative emotions such as doubt, anxiety and pain, which will make them feel overwhelmed. Guan Mingyu said that parents must not hide the fact of divorce from their children first. Parents of single-parent families should calmly, sincerely and patiently explain the reasons for their divorce to their children in the most acceptable way according to their children's personality, age and other factors, strive for their children's understanding, teach their children to deal with various external inquiries, and make them understand that single-parent families are also a normal social phenomenon. Parents should also communicate with their children to help them enrich their lives. Because of the incomplete family structure and monotonous life, children in single-parent families are prone to feel spiritual emptiness and loneliness. Therefore, parents of single-parent families, no matter how busy they are every day, should take time to chat with their children and listen to their voices.
In addition, due to the lack of father or mother in daily life, compared with other children, children from single-parent families have less opportunities to contact society and are not rich in social knowledge. Parents should help their children to expand their social circle, know more friends and read more books, so that their children can grow up healthily physically and mentally. In addition, children's overreaction to their parents' divorce also reflects the disadvantages of family education. Parents take good care of their children, which makes them feel strongly dependent. Once they find out that their parents are divorced, they will feel that the sky is falling and they are full of fear for their future life. Therefore, it is very important to cultivate children's independent consciousness and problem-solving ability. In the process of growing up, children have to face all kinds of problems, and facing parents' divorce is one of them. Therefore, parents should also reflect on it and let their children learn to take care of themselves, protect themselves and develop a strong and independent personality.
Extended reading:
How to eliminate it? Insecurity in children of divorced families?
Myth 1: Blind rejection of each other.
After many couples divorce, one party is unwilling to let the other party bring their children into contact with them, and some even simply move to places where the other party can't find them, so that the children can't see their parents; Some consciously belittle each other and instill hostility in their children. What is the most common one? It's all your dad's fault? Similarly, children who listen more will reject each other psychologically, which is also an important reason why many children from single-parent families deviate from the normal track.
Myth 2: Overindulgence of children
Spoiling is a common problem in many families, and the performance of single parents is often more obvious. They always feel that the husband and wife are divorced and very sorry for their children. Therefore, any requirements of single parents for their children are unconditionally satisfied, whether spiritual or material. Children can always be satisfied, and his ability to resist setbacks is not exercised, which is easy to form personality shortcomings such as loneliness, arrogance, willfulness and selfishness.
Myth 3: Concealing the fact of divorce
Some parents choose to hide the fact of divorce from their children in order to alleviate the harm caused by divorce. ? Concealed? Once children learn about divorce from other channels, they will often be caught off guard, and there will be many negative emotions such as doubt, anxiety and pain, which will make them feel overwhelmed.
In recent years, the college entrance examination has become a watershed in marriage, which is difficult to maintain. Harmony? The marriage suddenly fell apart after the college entrance examination. In fact, once children realize that their parents are pretending to be forced to work hard for their own exams, they will feel guilty and feel that they are living in a hypocritical space, and the whole family is pretending to be forced, which is very stressful.
Marital emotional experts advise divorced parents to do some scientific and healthy psychological exercises:
If the result of divorce is inevitable, when a family breaks up, how to minimize the harm to family members, especially children who suddenly learn the news? Marital emotional counseling experts suggest that parents who make the decision to break up should seriously have a long talk with their children, focus on the sense of security, and dispel the awareness of their children being abandoned in advance. For some younger children, parents can tell their children that their parents' love is still there by telling stories or playing games.
The first is to let the children know and prove to them with practical actions that although the marriage relationship between parents is over, the parent-child relationship between them and their children is still the same as before, and children can get complete love from their parents. Regardless of whether another family will be formed in the future, the responsibility and support for the children are still there, and they will continue to support him.
Secondly, parents are children's idols and role models, the guarantee of children's inner security and the source of strength. Therefore, don't let children participate in emotional disputes between parents. Let children know that divorce is only between parents. Never instill resentment and belittle each other's thoughts in children. Don't push children to contradictions, so that children can bear more psychological pressure and harm.
In addition, it is also a common problem that children from single-parent families lack education on certain gender roles. At this time, single parents can borrow relatives and friends to make up for the lack of gender role education. For example, a single mother with a son can encourage the child to live with uncles, cousins, grandfathers and other roles.