A few months before my daughter came to Germany, we had an adaptation period of "living together in different places". It is not easy for her to adapt to moving to different countries, entering different educational environments, and even adapting to the German climate, family and making new friends.

As for my mother, I have a headache about how to give my daughter the most appropriate upbringing in the transformation of cultural background and how to conform to her current situation. A word from my mother-in-law restored my confidence.

You love her the most in the world. Think about how much you love her first, and then think about how to raise her.

Neither of my two works went well. During the first delivery, my daughter couldn't get out for several hours because the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck, and finally she had to dispatch suction cups. When she was born, her hands and feet were blue. I remember collapsing on the delivery table, expecting to hear my daughter cry. It was only a few seconds, but it was as long as several hours.

After giving birth to my son in Germany eleven years later, I entered the delivery room with the hope that "the second child will always be faster", but in fact it was just the opposite. I can bear the pain-free delivery of the first child. I want to say that the second child can also be treated like this. Unexpectedly, the child's pain was completely unbearable and lasted for a long time. Even the anesthesiologist came to the consultation and advised me not to feel pain at once, otherwise she would faint in pain if she judged that I couldn't bear the birth of the child.

It took me 32 hours to give birth to my son, and even my husband once felt that he was going to lose me and burst into tears. My son was born like his sister and didn't cry immediately. I remember asking the midwife 10 times in just a few seconds. ",until I heard my son crying loudly, I was relieved to hold my husband and cry.

At that moment, I was like many mothers. The only wish is that the child can be safe and healthy!

Children are eager to repeatedly "confirm" their parents' unconditional love.

Children may know that their parents love them, but how much love do children feel from their parents in their daily lives?

"Go to practice the piano/do your homework/read! 」

"It's so messy and ugly, it's torn and rewritten! 」

"How did this happen? 」

"How can you be so promising? 」

"Why are you looking at the phone again? Will it help you get extra points if you are arraigned with your friends every day? 」

These parents' "aspirations for success" and "inculcation" are actually equal to their parents' earnest expectations for having "perfect children", but no matter how hard they try, they can't reach such a state. In fact, I believe many parents also want to talk more about "love" and less about criticism. However, we have to face many "real situations" every day, and with pressure and worry, we blurt out these words of "hating iron and not producing steel".

And this sentence of my mother-in-law made me wake up.

I'm not sure I'll be the best mother, but I'm sure I love my children the most in the world.

I don't need to be a perfect mother, but I need to always let my children know how important they are to me.

I believe that every child has a wish, that is, to constantly experience the original love of parents and give them the courage to face the challenges of life.

Teenagers and children need to be loved more.

Sometimes, children even test their parents to "confirm" whether such love is "unconditional"! Especially adolescent children. Young people of this age have long realized that "no one is perfect", so they don't expect their parents to maintain the image of "hero", but they still have the desire to experience "unconditional love".

This demand will not change with age, but the way will certainly be different. When children are young, we always hold them, kiss them, comfort them and accompany them. But when children grow up, we think that the way to "cultivate children's independence" is to "stop doing these things", which actually has the opposite effect.

My daughter and I have always had a good relationship, but when she went to primary school, I found that the number of times I kissed her changed from a dozen times an hour to less than ten times a day. Hugging her, from "bear hug" and smelling her hair, has become a routine greeting and goodbye.

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I have such a "traditional relationship" with my parents, and even hugging is a very "special" thing! I watched the emotional expression between German mother-in-law and her husband, and silently felt that I lost not only these behaviors, but also a feeling that I could express my feelings at any time.

And children's emotional expression, don't stop with the growth of children.

How to change it? I can't "order" the children to hug me and kiss me. Absolutely invalid. So, since my daughter was about ten years old, I decided to change from myself. I "ask myself" to hug her every day, just like when she was shorter than me in the past, smell her hair, hug her and say "love you"!

Daughter, almost 14 years old, has now grown to 174 cm, older than me. She still loves to come and nest beside her mother and kiss me. And mom, I also like "innocent girl" around her! This "educational experiment" was very successful, but I'm really glad that I started it not too late!

I often tell my husband that when my two-year-old son comes to the nest, he should not feel bored. He should drop everything at hand and give him a "kiss, hug and I love you", because if he does this every day, the child will always feel "close to his parents", but as long as it stops gradually, it will not be easy to restore such intimacy one day.

So is the conversation between parents and children. We always respond to children when they are young. "What is this?" I was asked hundreds of times, but we all tried to answer. However, when children grow up, they sometimes have a "phrasing word" (for example, "Mom, look how cool this is! ), but it is often interrupted by "go do your homework", and it is too late to complain when the children stop talking to us.

Many friends asked me why my daughter told me everything. I think it's because as long as she has a "head", I talk to her. If I knew, I would talk to her. If I don't know, I'll ask her. For a long time, we know each other's thoughts and preferences very well, and she also knows that I can "really" talk about anything (not pretending to fight for feelings), so there are no secrets!

When children always feel loved no matter what.

Some conflicts in parenting, challenges in school and life, and the pressure of growing up have all become less terrible for them. Think about two or three-year-olds When they face new environment or strangers, do they always like to stay with their parents first? Even his hand clasped his parents tightly, as if he were asking for energy.

When they feel safe enough, they can let go to play! When they were injured, they were also the first to call their mother back. "Mom's cry" always has a magical power, which can make the pain disappear!

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The focus of education has never been that we are a kind of parents.

For parents, such a reminder is even more important. If we take "living a good life" as the starting point, we think that what children do every day is "adding points" rather than "subtracting points".

In this way, when we look at the parenting relationship with our daughter, many things become simple. Once separated from my daughter, that kind of daily lovesickness is really a torment for my mother. But it also taught me a simple truth: many things in life seem important, but they are not the most important. Most importantly, my daughter is safe and happy!