Correct approach
(1) Follow the usefulness/practical principles to satisfy children's reasonable desires, such as when children really need a toy.
(2) Follow the principle of moderation. For some useless things, such as snacks that children like to eat, you can be moderate. For example, you can agree with your child to eat an sorbet a day and McDonald's once a month, so that children can understand that these things are embellishments in life, which are dispensable and should be enough. If you overdo it, it will lose its meaning.
(3) For things that are beyond the needs of children, if children insist on wanting them, they can be rewarded through incentives, such as when children are praised by teachers, when children help their parents with housework, and when children do well in exams, thus forming a positive cycle, so that children can understand that they can get what they want through their own efforts.
(4) Sometimes, children want to eat/play with something for no reason. At this time, parents are neither satisfied nor dissatisfied. You can have a look at this interesting article www.yaolan.com/edu/201011813346548.
(5) Teach children to ask for things politely. For example, some things are really not available at home and are not expensive. If the child asks gently and politely, parents can satisfy him and tell him that because the baby is polite and polite, parents will buy it for you, so as to teach the child not to ask for things by crying.
In addition, when buying something for your child, you'd better find a reason, point out what he did well to buy it for him, strengthen his advantages, and explain the reasons when not buying it, such as unnecessary/expensive/recent poor performance.
Wrong way: completely ignore children's needs, meet all children's needs, use negative incentives to meet children's needs (both reward parents to get themselves out of trouble, for example, I will buy you toys if you stop crying), satisfy children's wishes when they cry, and beat and scold them if they want anything.
I don't agree with the educational theory of never hitting children, but "hitting" should be the ultimate deterrent and should not be abused, otherwise it will lose its original meaning.
Everyone has a different understanding of the definition of obedience. Sometimes parents let their children do something out of a desire for control, but what they want to do is not necessarily what their children really need. For example, I read an article about American mothers educating their children, saying that when it is cold, mothers are afraid of their sons wearing clothes because they are freezing and their sons are having fun. What Chinese mothers do is to force their son to wear clothes by beating, scolding and threatening, while American mothers leave him alone when they see that his son doesn't want to wear clothes. American mother said that it doesn't matter if her son really doesn't feel cold and doesn't wear clothes. If they feel cold, they will take the initiative to let them put on clothes. Therefore, in this case, beating children like Chinese mothers is obviously an unnecessary behavior.
Good parents raise their children by clever means. Most parents rely on reasoning and nagging. Only the worst parents often beat their children. Many times, parents beat their children because they are angry with themselves. Don't let children feel that their parents are incompetent in teaching their children, so they are flustered. In this regard, I recommend the article "American daughter-in-law's parenting classics". This is not to say that American parents must be more open-minded than China parents, but this article talks about many ingenious educational methods, including the above-mentioned son's dressing problem, and many parents gnash their teeth and want to be beaten, such as children are stingy, children don't like eating, and children always wear it backwards. Let's see how the mother of a "parenting expert" solves these problems.
For children's general faults and mistakes, we should focus on means and reasoning. Only when children make serious mistakes in principle can they use the means of "beating", such as children stealing, and children have moral problems. This kind of mistake should be dealt with more severely. If parents never hit their children at ordinary times, they will be extremely serious and disappointed, supplemented by one or two palms, which will leave an unforgettable impression on their children.
In the harem empresses' palace, Qianlong education seduced the elder brother of the harem concubines, that is, it gave him a heavy slap and said, "This time, twice, once, hit the woman who dared to covet the son of heaven and once, hit the woman who dared to covet the emperor Ama." Does this passage make people feel that Yong Zhengdi's godson is quite powerful?
Beating children for the purpose of education should be based on the principles of "restraint" and "strict responsibility", and children should never be killed like Jia Zheng in A Dream of Red Mansions. That's parents' anger, not educating their children. If you are not careful, you may have irreparable consequences. Don't do this!
It is easy for parents to think that their children are too young to do many things, so they do many things from an early age. When the child grows up, he finds that the child is "lazy" and has no sense of housework. In fact, children can be allowed to do what they can from an early age, such as helping them with some small things and eating with spoons. In this regard, here is an article detailing the steps to cultivate children's awareness of housework in New.060s.com/article/2008/11/65753.htm.
I think cultivating children's hands-on ability can also become a kind of parent-child interaction, so that children can appreciate the fun of doing housework, criticize children less for being lazy, greedy and not independent, and do more things with children, such as cleaning the floor, choosing vegetables and telling their stories with children, so that children can realize that the meals they have participated in are the most delicious, and communicate with them in the process of doing things. Don't let children sit beside them at the beginning of housework. This will make children feel that they have become "coolies" at home and can't feel the love of their parents. They find housework boring and tiring. When children do housework, parents can take the opportunity to "help" them. For example, when children start washing dishes, parents will help clean the table and pass the dishes, saying "XXX, stop playing and come and peel garlic".
You can also try to prepare some family toys to play with children in your spare time, so that children can learn to consider all kinds of things of the whole family in the game. You can also try to encourage your child to do housework, record the results of his labor in centimeters, and save enough to buy toys or other things he likes.
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