At this time, mom should not deny dad's educational methods at first. Listen to the children's opinions first. How did you feel when your father taught you?
If the child says: it is very strict with me, especially hard.
The mother wants to ask the child: When your father is strict with you, do you think that your father loves you, but in the wrong way, or do you think that your father doesn't love you?
Help children clear their minds.
The child's answer may have two situations.
1. I hate him. He is torturing me on purpose. This situation is not good. The child misinterpreted his father's meaning.
I know he loves me, but not in the right way.
At this time, mom can communicate with dad and tell dad that the child misunderstood your behavior and he thinks you don't love him anymore. The child told me that he was annoyed with the present way. I didn't deny your educational methods, and I didn't defend my children. I just helped the child sort out his inner feelings. He felt wronged and afraid, and felt that his father didn't love him. Just send this message, don't blame dad. Anyway, you see, you are so strict with your children that they hate you. Let's not talk about this. As a mother, I want to respond to his emotions, but I didn't deny your way of education, nor did I stand with my children to resist you. I keep a neutral attitude and only talk about children's feelings. Now that the child has such feelings, should we let the child receive education and feel our love for him? Let's adjust it slightly according to our own educational methods. I won't interfere with your education.
The child tells you that he is annoyed, but he doesn't know what is bothering him. What should I do?
Mom can tell the child to come to mom to help you analyze it. What kind do you think? The reason why children can't tell clearly shows that our children's emotional intelligence is low.
High emotional intelligence means knowing what is wrong with yourself and others, and being able to identify your own emotions and those of others. With low eq, he can be angry and angry. If you ask him what happened, he doesn't know. When others are angry, he doesn't know, and his ability to identify himself and others' emotions is not strong.
Let the children understand their emotions first. When dad bothers you, let's think about what this annoyance is. Do you feel disrespected or is dad rude and afraid? What kind of way do you want dad to treat you and communicate with you? Let the children express their hopes, not the father's bad. It doesn't matter if the child can't say hope. Well, I don't know. We can't know for a while. You don't like the way dad treats you now, but you like the way dad treats you. Just because you don't know now doesn't mean you won't know in the future. Only when you think about it and tell your parents what we did to you can you change. The way we treat you now makes you uncomfortable, and communicating with you in the wrong way will make you feel very painful, which is not good for us. Help children think slowly. Guide the child to ask, do you want your father to talk more kindly and respect you more? Can you listen to your thoughts first, instead of educating you, quarreling with you and guiding your children to speak and express themselves?
He doesn't know now, maybe he really doesn't know, because he has never been treated gently, and he only knows that this way is uncomfortable. Let's help the child analyze this trouble? What is this? Ask your child what will make you better? For example, the way mom and dad treat you occasionally makes you feel comfortable and like it, helping children remember comfortable scenes. If the child says no, you all make me feel bad. Once children have this expression, they will use emotions to solve problems. Don't expose what he said is not true. It can be said that we didn't do well in the past, and we must study harder in the future to be good to you. I am confident to learn how to treat you better, but I also need your help. The help you can give me is to tell me slowly how to treat you to make you more comfortable.
Well, in the end, the most important thing for us is to stabilize our emotions and be an anchor!
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