Philosopher Fromm once said: "The opposite of education is manipulation. It is out of self-confidence in the growth of children's potential that children will develop normally only if adults guide them to do what they should and should not do. However, such manipulation is wrong.
In reality, it is often difficult for parents to accept their children's mistakes.
"One and three, repeat one's mistakes! How can you bear it! "
"This is a matter of principle, never!"
"He is so old, how could he make such a mistake!"
……
However, from ancient times to the present, from the growth of individuals to the development of civilization, it is a spiral upward process of trial and error, continuous understanding and continuous improvement.
Trial-and-error method is a common method to solve problems and acquire knowledge, that is, to try various possible answers systematically or randomly according to existing experience.
Used in children, it is to let children do it themselves and get in touch with new things. Although the result is not perfect and may be flawed, it allows them to explore and verify the fruits of labor in the process of continuous trying, so as to achieve the purpose of self-adjustment and rapid growth.
Shen Yifei, an associate professor at Fudan University who specializes in "family studies" and "women's studies", said: "Children's growth is spiral. Only by constantly trying and making mistakes will they know how to move forward."
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Trial and error is the only way for children to grow up. Growth means constantly knowing yourself, and having a clearer understanding of yourself through trial and error again and again.
Remember the story of the pony crossing the river? The pony crossed the river. Uncle Niu told him that the water was not deep, and the little squirrel told him that the water was deep. Pony doesn't know who to listen to. Later, he tried to get into the water and found out. Oh, this river is not as deep as Uncle Niu said, nor as shallow as Little Squirrel said. Some things, how do you know until you try?
The Stork, the best animated short film at the 89th Academy Awards, tells a story that makes children try and make mistakes.
The mother snipe is foraging at the seaside, and the little snipe is waiting by. Suddenly, the mother found delicious food, and the little snipe opened its mouth, waiting for her mother to feed it. Unexpectedly, her mother pushed it to the seaside and let it find food by itself.
The little snipe who came to the seaside for the first time was very excited, but was fanned aside by the sudden waves. He hurried back to his nest, scared and at a loss.
But later, with the encouragement of her mother, the little snipe overcame her inner fear, not only saw different scenery in the waves, but also made unexpected discoveries.
Is this very similar to our life?
If parents protect them too well, they will only turn children with unlimited potential into giant babies.
Many times, we are slow and clumsy in looking after children and make many mistakes.
I really want to intervene.
But as everyone knows, children need to hit the wall in person in order to truly master the skills of survival.
We always want to tell our children everything we know so that they don't have to waste time trying.
In fact, whether your life experience is a shortcut or not, even if it is, it is a skill that children need to hit the wall again and again to master.
Think back to ourselves. When were we young, when did we take what the old man said seriously? It was not until we hit the wall again and again that we realized how right the elder was.
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Professor Li Meijin once said: Adult's criminal behavior can be traced back to his childhood, and children's problems are all caused by adults.
When a child makes a mistake, the attitude of parents determines the child's life path.
When parents are grumpy, scolding and obsessed with mistakes, children learn to lie, hide, evade their responsibilities and even go in the wrong direction; Parents allow their children to make mistakes and accept their mistakes, and children will face them positively and will not make the same mistakes again.
Many parents ask their children to be "obedient" because they want to use their life experience to help them avoid repeating the past mistakes.
It seems very efficient to train children in this way. However, doing so is likely to make children lack their own opinions when they grow up, and they don't know what to make up their minds. Once you make a mistake, you lack the courage to face difficulties and have no experience in correcting it.
Some young people nowadays, once they encounter difficulties, will escape from reality, and some even commit suicide, which is a sign of low adversity quotient. The low "adversity quotient" has a lot to do with the fact that people who have listened to their parents since childhood have never faced adversity independently.
"Thinking wrong and doing wrong" reflects that children have strong speculative ability and realize some problems that parents have not noticed. In this regard, as a wise parent, you should wake up and give your child the right to make mistakes, so that he can learn to be a person who can identify and correct mistakes, be brave in taking responsibility and not be afraid of setbacks.
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exist
Polish writer first KeWeiZhi said:
If every child can have a "gentle hand" to guide him forward instead of kicking him in the chest, then education can better accomplish its mission.
Trial and error is a growth investment. We can't kill this opportunity for children. Only by constantly trying and making mistakes can children grow up better, because growth is a process of constantly making mistakes and correcting mistakes.
Every trial and error is an extremely valuable experience. When I was a student, many "schoolmasters" had a "wrong problem book" on which I recorded the questions I missed. I carefully held the "wrong problem book" in my hand before each exam, so as to get twice the result with half the effort.
You can copy the wrong book, but you forget that the wrong experience is different for everyone. Even if it is the same mistake, everyone "makes mistakes" in different ways.
There is an old saying in China, "You get wisdom after dinner." There is another cloud: "Failure is the mother of success."
The reason is obvious: encourage children to try and make mistakes, not to encourage mistakes. Encouragement is only a means, trial and error is the key, and children's understanding is cultivated through constant trying. You know, children's understanding is mostly learned from mistakes.
When people have the most capital to try and make mistakes, they are young. The younger you are, the lower the cost of trial and error and the less the risk. When parents are unable to clear the obstacles for their children and miss the best opportunity for trial and error, what should children with various abilities do?
Perhaps only look up to heaven and sigh, want to cry without tears.