Originality is not easy, plagiarism will be investigated.

Father's Day is coming. I don't know what this festival means to fathers.

A day to receive blessings and gifts, a day to be valued by children, and a day to be reminded that you are a father?

In fact, no matter what your understanding of this day is, I think, in the hearts of many children, dad will always be as important as mom.

Speaking of it, in a China family, dad seems to have less sense of existence than mom.

Not only me, but also many friends I know around me, when it comes to dad, the modifiers are almost all "busy", "not at home" and "silent" ...

The one closest to me is my mother. As for dad, there is always a sense of distance.

In the view of senior psychologist Hu, this is "father's absence".

My family has a 4-year-old daughter, and I especially like reading parenting books for children of the corresponding age. Recently, the parenting notes of senior psychologists (3-7 years old) caught my attention.

I believe that readers who pay attention to related programs in the field of psychology will be familiar with Mr. Hu's name.

He used to be a special guest of CCTV's Psychological Interview, a special counselor of Hunan Satellite TV's Deformation Meter, and a knowledge partner of a well-known language program "Qi Pa Shuo".

He has accumulated a lot of practical experience in his psychological counseling career for more than 20 years. He is not only good at dealing with married couples, but also has unique analysis and opinions on parent-child relationship and adolescent development. He was also selected into the 20 17 "50 Most Influential Psychology People in China".

Such a senior psychologist is used to analyzing other people's cases, but what unique experience does he have about his family and education?

This made me curious and I couldn't help opening this notebook.

After watching it for a day, I found that as a father with rich psychological background, there are many places worth learning from other fathers in the process of educating their children.

Some people may say that dad is a symbol of strength and a representative of authority, and he can definitely set rules for his children.

This is a terrible statement.

The so-called strength means that the father should let the children know: I love you and you meet my requirements.

Many children are afraid of their father, not because his father is fierce or can beat and scold, but because they don't feel his love at all, but are treated rudely. Children's fear is fear, not fear and awe.

Teacher Hu gave an example of a famous character in the book.

The other party once went to pick up his son from school, waited for a long time at the gate of his son's primary school and asked his wife. As a result, the wife said, "My son has already entered junior high school."

How can a father who doesn't even know his son's experience and state make his children feel love?

So the child later went astray and was sent to prison for taking drugs. The reason is precisely that no one has given his loving father what to do and what not to do.

If the child has no sense of rules, the father will abuse his power and beat and scold him. Children will certainly not be taught and repented, but will be more angry. Only when he became independent did he dare to oppose his father.

It can be seen that dad's love must be expressed.

Being with children and playing with them is undoubtedly the simplest way to express love.

But if the reality doesn't allow it, dad can't miss the growth of his children. Always let the child know that his father is always there and loves him, so that he will not indulge himself because of disappointment and emptiness.

Father loves nothing, but needs strength.

Psychoanalyst Freud said that father is not only a protector and educator, but also an "idol" and an example of growth.

You know, the father is the original, the child is the printed matter, and the father's appearance often determines the future direction of the child's life.

I remember once attending my daughter's parent-teacher conference.

Seeing that the child is sloppy, his clothes are dirty and can't be washed clean, and no one plays with him.

Later, the parent-teacher conference began. The father walked into the classroom unhurriedly and sat behind his son, but the son ignored him all the time and turned to give his father a dirty look.

That scene made me feel very uncomfortable.

Although I don't know the personal relationship between their father and son, judging from the child's reaction, he definitely doesn't like his father and doesn't want to talk to him more.

Even the children disagree with their father. How does his father educate his children?

Hu was invited by the teacher to give a speech when his son Xiao Douzi was over 4 years old.

What an honor it is! Don't mention how proud the little bean is, so the child said to everyone, "This is my father, and I will be like my father in the future."

Originally, Doudou was shy, but when he saw that his father was so respected, he was naturally infected and gained confidence.

When dad appears in front of children with a good image, children will identify with him and even regard him as a "hero" and "idol".

The father's image is enough to influence the children's later life.

Hu shared an experience of punishing his son in the book.

Previously, he had made three chapters with his children, respecting others, being responsible for what he promised, and not lying.

As a result, my son went back to his hometown for the summer vacation and tricked him into bringing his exercise book for fear of being accused of deliberately not answering the phone.

Hu decided to punish him for breaking his word.

Because the reason was made clear before the punishment, after the son realized the problem, he also took the initiative to admit his mistake. After that, he trusted his father more and was willing to communicate with him more.

As the saying goes, Fiona Fang can't be made without rules.

Many times, parents clearly tell their children what to do and what to obey, but they violate it. This unprincipled practice will often destroy children's inner sense of order and trust.

We all want our children to grow up by making mistakes, so we need dad to give them a standard and stand there, and no one is allowed to violate it.

Some things, as long as dad sticks to the end, children will realize that dad is not joking, he is telling the truth.

When a child knows that someone will always pay attention to and judge his behavior, then he will not expect anything at will and will try to manage himself well.

This is also the necessary stage for him to grow up on the right track.

Finally, the teacher said something I especially agree with:

"The father is an important support of the family. The child's awareness of rules is largely established by the father, but the premise is that the child has a sense of identity with the father."

On the occasion of Father's Day, I use this book to remind fathers not to underestimate their fatherhood.

Please be a child's compass and manage yourself in a child's way.

Only by becoming a role model for children can dad's education get twice the result with half the effort and provide strong spiritual backing for children.

-End-

Oh, mom, a multi-platform signing author and a teacher of educational psychology in colleges and universities, is willing to open the children's spiritual world with her own heart and pen.