Perhaps in today's education, most people think that it is a very good thing for children to obey. Children's obedience saves parents a lot of energy, and they do whatever their parents say. However, after investigation, it is found that many obedient children do not think independently, and their expressive ability will be worse than that of "disobedient" children.
One of my cousins is a typical good girl in my parents' mouth. She has been very clever and sensible since she was a child, and she can do everything according to the wishes of adults. I remember once, my mother bought a suit for my cousin, which was not suitable for my cousin. I shook my head, but my cousin said, "Aunt, it's so beautiful, I like it very much!" " At that moment, I was shocked by my cousin's behavior. A child will say such a sentence to win everyone's heart. My cousin was only in the third grade at that time. My mother was very happy to hear what she said. While holding her, I was voicing my ignorance.
In my impression, my cousin can satisfy her family in almost everything she does. When I went out with her, she was fine, sitting next to me. She never asked for any toys when she went shopping in the mall. Often I go to buy clothes, and she is beside me without saying a word. At that time, she was a good role model in everyone's mind, and many parents would take my cousin as an example. But looking back on this incident now, I will feel that my cousin at that time was very poor, lacking the willfulness that should have existed at that age, and was forced to choose that age that was most suitable for unscrupulous timidity and caution. Is my cousin happy? No, she just wants to please others, but she is not happy.
First, the reason why children are too "sensible"
The disharmony of family relations
Being born in a family is the key to affecting a child's personality. A good family can bring a good environment to children and change their character. Some families are not harmonious. If the relationship between husband and wife is not harmonious, it will directly affect children. If couples always quarrel and call names in daily life, then the family will lack love and the children will lose trust in the family. They will think that as long as they are smart and sensible, maybe their parents will not quarrel.
Parents often say to be obedient "You should be obedient", which is what many parents love to tell their children. No matter what happens, as long as the children are obedient, they can meet their needs. Many times, after children make mistakes, they often don't know where they are wrong, but their parents tell them to be obedient. Children think that as long as they take the initiative to obey, they can avoid the abuse of their parents, but they can't achieve real results.
The economic conditions at home are not good.
There is a saying that children from poor families are in charge. Many families with poor economic conditions have just learned to walk and talk, and many children have begun to share housework with their families. They dare not be willful and naughty, because they think that only obedience can reduce the burden on their families.
Children grow up and understand instantly, and the living environment has a great influence on children. It is not good for children to become as sensible as adults, pay attention to the feelings of others, and feel the responsibilities and burdens of adults too early, thus losing their vision of the world. For children, it is not good for mental health and physiology.
Second, it is not a good thing for children to be too "sensible"
It is certainly good for children to be sensible, but it is a bad thing if they become sensible under the premise of unhappiness. A sensible child seems to be just unreasonable, just because the surrounding environment forces him not to have enough courage to express himself.
It's easy to ignore your feelings.
As I said before, my cousin, she can always cater to others everywhere, please others, please and cater to adults, but she has no feelings. We only see that she feels happy on the surface. In fact, no one knows what the child thinks. Excessive understanding will make people lose their feelings about themselves.
Dare not resist
A sensible child has little to do with the word resistance. In their world, resistance is evil, so it is easy to lose the ability of independent thinking and independent thinking.
Third, respect children. What do parents do?
Sensible children just lack the courage to be themselves, and are as mature and steady as adults, which makes them lose their strength again and again and annihilate an innocent heart. Sometimes parents should think from the child's point of view and consider the child's position. Is it worth being so sensible?
Learn to listen to children's thoughts.
Really let children express their innermost thoughts. As parents, don't just treat children as minors, thinking that children are not mature enough and have their own ideas. They should respect their children with equal understanding, listen to their inner voices and let them open their hearts to themselves.
Parents should control their emotions.
In the face of mistakes in children's lives, don't blame the children for the first time and be angry with them. You should suppress your inner flame, calm yourself down, and think about how to make children admit their mistakes calmly without hurting their young hearts. When educating children, don't talk too much and be reasonable.
Set a good example.
The relationship between husband and wife is also an important key to affect children. The mutual respect between parents and the actions between parents are all seen by children and recorded psychologically. If parents blame each other every day, it will make children think that this is the right way of life, and it will make children become like that and will not respect them.
Respect children, praise them more, and let them feel the happiness brought by childhood. Children who are too sensible are not necessarily really happy, and happy children are not necessarily children who are not sensible. Therefore, as parents, we should bravely let our children express their ideas and express themselves, and give them a healthy and happy growth environment.