The book "The Road Few People Walk" writes:
"The purpose of love is to help a child establish an independent personality, rather than making his personality attached to his parents; It is to let children bravely pursue their dreams, not to let children dream for their parents; It is to let children experience life by themselves, rather than asking parents to live for their children. "
However, many parents regard "I am doing you good" as love, and regard non-companionship as cultivating children's independence, thus causing children's distorted psychology.
I tried to communicate, but you said it was for my own good.
It's for your own good. Look at the children in the neighborhood. Presumably these are indelible memories of many people's childhood. Now, after dinner, they have faded into a wisp of fragrant rice, continuing the unique memory of China people.
Parents seem to play the role of "bad guys" in our growth. They educate us in a way that they think is beneficial to us. But I don't know, we have left scars in young hearts.
In the eyes of parents, this generation of children is not enough to provoke the beam.
In the variety "Teenagers Say", a girl cried on the stage and said to her mother, "Why do you hit me as soon as I get some results?"
The girl waited expectantly for her mother's answer, but she waited for a cold sentence: "You will be proud if I don't hit you."
The girl thinks this is an opportunity to discuss with her mother. She continued to confide: "I am not suitable for challenges. You said I was poor, but I really thought I was poor. "
The girl's mother disagreed and still insisted on her idea, saying, "We will press you if you succeed, and we will push you if you regress."
The girl was completely heartbroken. How much she wants to hear "You are the best, and mom is proud of you".
The traditional family model binds the relationship between children and parents to the relationship between superiors and subordinates. They insist on their own opinions and educate their children in the way of the older generation, and they don't forget to say "that's how I got here, how can you be so useless" behind the stick.
Every parent's bad words add up to make their children's future brighter, but repressive education is a wrong education after all.
What kind of person do you want your children to be, you should strive to be that kind of person in words and deeds.
Repressive education will only make children feel inferior, and adults with strong hearts can't bear the daily verbal violence in their ears, let alone a young child.
I want love, but not a stick.
Children who lack love from childhood tend to get worse when they grow up.
Sun Xing, the most heinous person in the recent hit "Sweeping the Black Storm", is hateful, but also pitiful, because his mother He Yun and his father Gao Mingyuan were not properly educated, which made Sun Xing cold-blooded and heartless.
In the play, we not only see the shame of Sun Xing, but also see a child who is extremely loveless.
Sun Xing is the prototype of Sun. Sun's parents divorced when he was very young. Although he was judged as a mother, her mother was on the rise in her career, so she gave Sun Xiaoguo to his alcoholic father.
Dad disciplined him in a simple and rude way: beating. As long as Sun made a mistake, he would fight indiscriminately.
This makes Sun think that as long as something happens, it makes him bloody in his bones, and also lays the seeds for his distorted psychology.
Sun was beaten black and blue by his father every day and cursed: "People like you will be shot in the future!" " I didn't expect this sentence of Sun Dad to really work after many years.
What pushes Sun into the abyss step by step is the maternal love that Sun Ma has lost again and again and the stick of Sun Dad?
Corporal punishment is not enough to improve children's behavior, but it will push them down the dark abyss.
None of us want to be Sun Xing, but many people come from families no different from Sun Xing. Similarly, a person's life is doomed to be "I would like to cross the Yellow River, but I will freeze the ferry". Different people will choose to continue to face life with an attitude of "opening the gloomy sails and crossing the deep sea".
If life will return to the key, who wants to take a road of no return?
People who truly understand that you love and respect you will think about this problem by themselves, weigh the pros and cons, and seek change from the heart.
When a child's mood fluctuates, stupid parents blame the child, and smart parents take care of the child.
The violence of parents' behavior is no less harmful to children than the "cold violence" of language. "I'm doing it for you" has always been a nightmare for children.
"Inferiority is stronger, inner fragility, self-denial, powerlessness in doing anything, and countless things fall by the wayside. Everyone is better than me, and I will always be the worst one. "
Disappointment is a terrible word. Many of us are afraid of disappointing our parents and people we care about, but we never think about why they are disappointed even if they work so hard, and whether they are wrong.
Marshall Luxembourg, a famous psychologist, said, "Maybe we don't think our way of talking is violent, but language does often bring pain to ourselves and others."
According to my father's traditional view, he doesn't think he is hurting me but encouraging me, and even thinks he is very kind to me.
We finally made up. I accepted everything from my parents, and my parents accepted my mediocrity.
The verbal violence of parents will really affect a person's life.