"After dinner, you can watch TV!"

"You can go to the park if you get 100!"

"Quick, call uncle/aunt and buy you ice cream later!"

Behind the material trend is the supremacy of reward.

Deliberately using material or other satisfaction to urge children to achieve a certain result is the result of conditional exchange. When parents take what their children want, it is obviously induced and conditional to ask their children to complete a certain task on this condition.

The seemingly equivalent exchange conditions again and again will make children's demands higher and higher, their appetite bigger and bigger, and their demands for returns are more and more. After all, parents can't go beyond their children's desires and requirements, that is, they can't meet the conditions put forward by their children, which eventually leads to children thinking only about harvest; He doesn't want to do his job.

At the same time, from this material exchange process, the child can learn one thing, and everything he does can ask his parents for something in return.

For example, in the past, every member of the family thought he had the habit of doing housework. At first, in order to arrange children to wash dishes and do housework as much as possible, parents proposed a reward method, washing dishes once and rewarding 5 yuan with money. Children are also very keen on this kind of housework. One day, he suggested to his parents, "I'll do the dishes today!" " "When parents are gratified that their children take the initiative to do housework, they will hear" What reward will I get for washing dishes? "

This forms a fixed pattern of equivalent exchange. The responsibilities and obligations that family members must bear are forgotten by the child, and he will only think about the return of doing things.

Inherit natural results

Natural consequences, natural occurrence, as mentioned above, you can watch TV after dinner as part of your rest and entertainment; Go hiking on holidays, go to parks or playgrounds to relax; These behaviors are all part of life, and there is no need to take anything as a premise. Such natural consequences will not form a conditioned reflex that is eager to return.

Family education lies in emotional connection.

Educate children not to use material conditions to guide equivalent exchange, but to fully reflect the relationship between parents and children-emotional connection, so that children can feel the affirmation and encouragement of their parents. His existence is the need of parents and families.

Children share housework and get the affirmation of their parents, which is equivalent to carrying the weight of the family on their shoulders, which is the responsibility of the family. He shared housework with his parents, supported the whole family, and his sense of accomplishment constantly reflected his value.

When he has a sense of self-worth, the internal motive trend is that he will undertake his own obligations and fulfill his responsibilities. The child has experienced the growth process of sharing, that is, when he is mature, he has experienced the value and significance of life. This is his sense of responsibility.