The first is intimacy. Intimacy means that children think I am loved. This is crucial, because to make a child feel that he wants to get better spontaneously, he must first feel that he is worth it. Many parents' early education is to suppress their children. Children will feel unworthy and unworthy, so they won't want to call me mud. I don't want to get better voluntarily. This is the first one.
The second is the sense of strength, that is, when a child is young, one of his strengths is actually very weak, which is why the child cries when he disagrees with a word, because he feels powerless. Isn't the whole world a joke? Say why adults are not picky about food, because adults can choose to eat, but children can't. Children sleep, eat, urinate and defecate are arranged, so there is a sense of powerlessness everywhere in his life, that is, learned helplessness. Such a child will think that I am weak and poor, and I dare not, so he will not consciously say that I want to get better on my own. How can children have such a sense of power? Is to try to create some small things that can make children experience success.
In fact, many adults often forget that it is not easy for a child to do many things, and we only magnify the performance or something. But when the child is clumsy for the first time, for example, he does something, such as knocking over water, but when he actually has this consciousness, the child we can celebrate tries to magnify him, for example, he is afraid, but he walks very fast, although he finally falls down. But we can also encourage him to say that you are very good and you can take the first step. These subtle differences are not that we praise the child after he has done it, but that his efforts and efforts in this process will help him accumulate a lot of strength.
The third is control. Control is actually very simple, that is, to make children feel that their lives are their own decisions as much as possible. Since I was two years old, I haven't decided what to eat for fun and what to wear today. These things can completely let children make their own decisions. Sometimes, my mother is a little weak, and she doesn't know it. What did you say?/Sorry? Then the child said, mom, I'll tell you how to do it. In this state, some interactions can help children improve their sense of control.
The power of love, then the sense of power and control, in fact, the more stable and cyclical this triangle is, the more self-driven children will be. Because he will feel that I have a sense of belonging, that I am loved, that I am capable, and that life is his own, so he will have such self-motivation.