In fact, what kind of person children can become, adults actually have little effect. My two children are very different. My aunt and I brought up my eldest brother and second child. My eldest brother is a boy and very rational. As long as adults make sense, she will listen. Growing up, she never cried or made trouble. She is simply an angel baby. After school, the first and second grades are always the first in the class. Then we transferred to a better private school. As soon as I transferred to another school, my Chinese was a bit backward, so I worked hard. She also attended the Chinese class I signed her up for during the holiday and brushed the papers every day. Really didn't complain. In the fourth grade, he began to enter the top three in his class, and he often won prizes in the school's mathematics competition. He is a three-good student every year. Now in the fifth grade, I was selected into the school mathematics competition team and took the second place. He is also very good at sports. He is one or two in his class in sprint, high jump and long jump. He likes all kinds of ball games and is a member of the school sports team.
The second child is another typical example. He likes to sit at home and play, but he doesn't like to move. He only pays attention to delicious clothes. He looks easy and obedient, but in fact he is stubborn and stubborn to death. No matter what reason you try to tell her, she won't listen and do whatever she wants. You asked her to do her homework, and she just dawdled there. An assignment usually lasts more than an hour. As soon as the exam comes, the teacher will talk to me. I don't concentrate on the exam, I can't finish my paper, and I am distracted in class. She won't even try harder. If you can't learn well, do something else. Dancing is too difficult. The piano teacher thinks she is good, but she doesn't want to practice the piano and finds it difficult. I really worked ten times harder on her than my sister, but I still couldn't. I don't know when she will last, and I don't know if she will wake up one day. Really can't. I can only say that I did my parents' duty.
I don't know how the two children can be so different, well, you don't have to say it; Poor, I will ignore you if I say it; Maybe all you can do is accept such a child.
I don't think your situation is chilling, but you are disappointed that your children are not excellent. I suggest that since you feel cold, don't spend unnecessary money on your children and yourself. The child is only 4 years old, and you are not old enough. If you really feel good about your talent, you can do it yourself. Isn't it better to invest in yourself?
Hello, sister! I'll talk to you when I see your problems and situation. I hope you can listen to it. Please forgive me for the bad places!
First of all, I want you to hold yourself steady and say to yourself, "I have done very well."
Yes, for a single mother, you have done very well. You need to give yourself a big hug and praise
Secondly, you said, "I just want my child to have a sound personality, be healthy, not afraid of extremes, and grow up to be a healthy and happy person."
On the other hand, you keep giving lessons to your children and putting pressure on yourself. These are not only from the pressure of money, but also from your inner anxiety.
You will feel in your heart that let your children learn more things and make their future and their future better. So you got yourself into debt. I have been giving my children interest classes by swiping my credit card. )
But you know, if you do this, it will not only make you feel better, but also make your children "more difficult to manage".
Don't think that children are too young to understand anything. In fact, children know everything. She knows your anxiety, your sadness, your sadness, your unwillingness and everything about you. ...
However, because of the failure of your marriage, she has to bear more experiences and pains than other children. Her smallness, there is no way to break free and struggle, only to bear. So she may become timid and emotionally unstable. Children may become rebellious when they grow up. )
In addition to being a mother, you have taken on another role that you shouldn't have-father. So you will find life difficult, and even have what you call "chilling" emotions. ...
A child is like a mirror, shining on you and her. How are you? Your children are just like you. Inner anxiety and fear. Your fear is a response to the pressure of life, and your child's fear comes from you. When you say that your child is emotional, it is actually because you have not controlled your emotions well, or your heart is not strong enough, which is a reflection of your situation.
The key to solving children's problems is to solve your own problems. Just like the little thing you said, the kindergarten will record a video of garbage sorting, which can be on TV, just a few words, you say a word about children and theory, and record it at home. You think this is a very simple thing, but the child is afraid and the record is not good.
In this process, have you ever thought about what the problem is? Is the child timid?
I don't think so. The problem is you, you are eager for your children to behave well, you are eager for your children to be on TV, you are eager for your children to behave well in front of others, and you are more eager for your children to "hit" your ex-husband (without you, our mother and I can live very well! )。 Maybe you will think that only children can "get ahead" and you can "shine".
Sister, I hope you can find a time to think quietly, don't you? Face up to your innermost thoughts and feelings.
I think these may be the thoughts of some single mothers. It's nothing, is it? In this world, anyone who really has no one can live the same. Don't think that the sky will fall and no one will be there. Life goes on day after day.
But if you really want to live well, you must live well in the present. Love ourselves, love the people and life we want to love. Instead of standing there longing.
Now that you have chosen to leave, don't think about him (ex-husband) anymore. Free yourself from the "bondage" he left behind and enjoy life.
If children don't like it and are afraid to record videos, then don't record them. It's no big deal, is it Then, she held the child in her arms and said, "If you don't record it, you won't record it. Let's play something else. " Maybe you try to play other games. After a while, the children will not be afraid and will be happy to record videos.
If there is financial pressure, don't sign up for so many interest classes. During the break, take the children to the park for a walk, bask in the sun, see butterflies, listen to running water, draw some flowers … make you and her happy and laugh more.
As for the "chilling" you said, it is actually a bad mood. People do this when they are in a bad mood and under great pressure. You don't have to worry or be afraid. Just learn to be good to yourself.
For example, set yourself a small goal and under what circumstances, buy yourself a pair of high heels to reward yourself.
Another example: every morning when I see my child, I say: We will be very happy today! These explicit or implicit psychological hints will bring us different good moods.
So as to be better and better to ourselves until our hearts change from "cold" to "warm as spring".
Finally, I want to say to you again: life is one game after another. Only by learning to be good to yourself can we better enjoy the "beauty" in life! Wish: Your mother and daughter are healthy and happy!
As the saying goes, the actual situation of this father and son is completely inconsistent with the portrayal in your heart, so you are disappointed.
Even if you overdraw your child's credit card, you should raise your child, which shows that you are a good mother. However, the child is only four years old. Did you put too much pressure on her? Children who grow up in a single-parent family without a father will have weaker personality and less courage than their peers. You can't stay in various interest classes all the time. Usually, we should pay more attention to the cultivation of children's emotional intelligence, let her play with children of the same age, let her learn how to get along with others, and encourage her to try to solve problems when encountering them.
You can play the game "I am an orator" with your children at home. Encourage children to express their inner thoughts and opinions. Give children more praise and encouragement. You can also ask your child to tell you a story before going to bed every day to train her expressive ability. A child who speaks loudly, is polite, knows how to get along with others and is confident is a natural and graceful performance.
It doesn't have to cost money to train children, sometimes it needs the companionship and guidance of parents.
The child is your mirror, temper yourself first.
If you are lucky enough to see my reply, I hope you will.
Do you know what the problem is?
First, education should be done according to one's ability and love should be moderate.
I know why we older generation often ask you to obey, like to control you, interfere with you, demand you, and want to be what they want you to be.
In the final analysis, it is because of paying too much. Many parents, especially mothers, tend to devote themselves to their children. All attention, love, money and energy are on children, which is called maternal love. However, it is often not considered whether the recipient is under too much pressure or even suffocated. Too much love can make people feel at a loss.
Then, as a result, you give everything for your child, and naturally hope that she will return something. You think you don't ask for anything in return, but you just don't seem to ask for anything in return. In fact, you will inadvertently hope that she will meet your expectations. Once she doesn't meet your expectations or even get out of your control, your subconscious will immediately feel a great sense of loss. You think you've done so much for her and don't ask her for anything in return. She will no longer be a person who meets your values. Can you stand it?
Second, you said that you only asked her to be a healthy person with a sound personality. But you are doing what you want her to do. Sign her up for this class and that class. I just want to ask you, did you ask her if she liked it? You impose your will on her, you put all your bets on her, and even do things beyond your ability. Don't you think you are tired, and she is more tired? It's only a matter of time before something happens.
Perhaps because of the above things, you are taking care of the children alone, so your mentality is changing. Ask yourself, is it because you love her, or because you want to prove that your decision to keep her is correct, and you have worked so hard to make her an excellent child that meets everyone's approval.
Generally speaking, there is nothing wrong with the child. She doesn't want to make that video. She's too young. She's scared. This is normal. Not every child can be calm when he is first photographed. She has the right to say no, since she was born, she is an independent individual, not our accessory. We are not gods, not to shape them, but to make them better selves as much as possible. If you don't have this idea, you and your daughter will never be on the same line. I can also say that my daughter is two years old, and I have begun to listen to her own opinions on many things. Of course, she is not old enough to listen to her at present, but I still hope she can know that she has the right to control herself.
Also, I suggest you teach students in accordance with their aptitude. Don't do things beyond your ability. It must be bad for her. It will only drag you two into an increasingly desperate situation in the future.
Put yourself in others' shoes. If your mother borrows money or even loses everything just to cultivate you, what burden do you think you will have? Do you dare to face even a little failure? Do you dare to rest? Even if you are so tired that you just want to stick to it for a while. Dare you disobey? Even if you really don't want to do it. Do you dare? Do you dare? If you failed your mother, what would be the result? Make amends with death? I'm afraid this is the only way to repay.
It's really unbearable weight in life!
Don't worry about yourself, don't worry about the children!
Finally, I really don't know what happened to the child. She is so young, but she has to bear the twisted love in your heart, alas. Please forgive my wording, but this is how I feel.
You expect too much. Many children have this feeling. Our children are unwilling to make videos when they learn English. I coaxed them for a long time, seduced them with food and snacks and so on. I'm happy to make a video.
My son went to kindergarten a few days ago and learned to curse. Scold me when you come back. It's really hard. I was so angry that I almost vomited blood It is common to cry when you are angry. Really, especially a child of four or five or six years old, he seems to have just found himself. Just finding that you can do a lot of things by yourself, expressing language by yourself and learning everything quickly, children feel particularly fulfilled. All kinds of attempts to challenge mom's limits. Especially some bad modal particles and pet words are always taken back after learning. I feel very proud and cool. I always tell myself, hold your breath, he is still a child. Biological. Anger is inevitable. If you are angry, forget it. Just your own child. Anger will be over for a while, and there will be no grudges. I don't hold grudges, and neither do children.
It is understandable that my mother has some negative emotions occasionally. It's just that our own children, or children of several years old, should learn to adjust their emotions. At the same time, it also teaches children to control their emotions. I often tell my children to control your emotions. When I was angry, the child said to me, mom, control your emotions.
Mothers are not easy, and neither are our children. Let's go
Look at the title and think that the child 14 years old. From your description, I feel that you are more extreme and emotional. You have to borrow money to send your children to expensive classes. A four-and-a-half-year-old child has been disappointed in his "ability", so the child will definitely be affected. Personally, I am more emotional and sometimes reflect on myself. I observed that when she was with her father, the child was really more relaxed and peaceful. Children are really like our mirrors in many cases. Is your so-called "happy education" really stress-free? No My daughter began to learn to dance when she was over three years old. It must be stressful to practice basic skills and participate in performances. These interest classes are designed to let children participate more, cultivate interests and explore talents, not to cultivate prodigies. Now four and a half years old is a relatively relaxed stage. It is not easy to take care of children alone, but we must change our thinking and try to have a relaxed and happy family atmosphere so that we and our children can relax, otherwise we will collapse even more when we get to primary school. ...
What a child needs is a mother with a sound personality and a strong and stable heart. Those expensive training classes and the like were reported by their mothers to cover up their inner unwillingness and anxiety. Not good for children.
Why not consider how to adjust yourself? If you are in a good state, the child will naturally follow the state.
Children are just your mirrors. It's no use adjusting the mirror.
I think you are disappointed because you have paid too much and invested too much. ...
In fact, you can relax and don't let her study too much. Give her a happy childhood, even if she is not good in the future, what's wrong with being ordinary?
The baby is really born. There are too many examples around me, including me ~
My first job was as a teacher in a private school. I have a lot of experience in teaching children ... I really work hard to teach my eldest daughter, even if she is mentally retarded ... but she cares about food, clothing and play every day, and I am not interested at all. On the contrary, her grandmother is like this, which may be genetic ... What she tells me every day is the topic that her friends exchange at school, and she has never talked about anything about learning. Fortunately, she is very popular and has many friends, and I want to get through it now. As long as she is happy and popular, she will be an advantage in the future. ...
My youngest son is only in the first grade this year. He is completely different from his sister. When he comes back, he will talk about his study. I may be a little disheartened when teaching a child, regardless of his studies. Judging from the present stage, he is very talented in learning. The daughter hasn't taught her to hold the pen completely, just hold the pen. I have taught her to vomit blood for several years ... my son didn't teach her at all, and her handwriting is very good. He was so keen on his study that he suddenly got up last night and said, Mom, I didn't do a page of my Chinese homework ... until the last day of summer vacation, my daughter didn't want to do it, but she was forced to do it. Sometimes I don't have to force her not to do it, and I'm not afraid of being told by the teacher. ...
Now that the child is like this, it is better to let go ... find out one of her strengths and encourage her in this respect. My daughter can't learn, play the piano or dance, but she is a little talented in painting. Now I don't want her to play the piano and dance, but learn to draw. ...
Find her strengths, concentrate on building her confidence first, and wait for her to grow up quietly. ...