Praise and reward are very important educational methods in family education. Any child wants to get positive comments from adults, even those who seem to have shortcomings and many problems. When children's good performance or progress is praised by their parents, they will feel happy emotionally and satisfied psychologically, thus enhancing their self-confidence and self-motivation, and constantly consolidating and developing the affirmed behavior. On the contrary, if a child is always criticized, his emotions will get deeper and deeper, his psychological pressure will get bigger and bigger, he will gradually lose his self-confidence and self-motivation, and even have the idea of "breaking the jar and breaking the fall". Therefore, parents should pay close attention to their children's life performance and give timely affirmation and praise to their little progress, so as to encourage their children to keep making progress. However, we should not tolerate or turn a blind eye to children's mistakes and shortcomings, but should take some necessary measures to criticize and educate them. Appropriate punishment should also be given to the wrong behaviors that cause serious consequences, so that children feel guilty, painful and regretful, and let them realize their shortcomings, mistakes and negligence, learn from them, take a warning and never repeat the same mistakes.

Therefore, in the process of family education, we should adhere to the combination of positive guidance and criticism and punishment, giving priority to praise and reward, supplemented by criticism and punishment. Only in this way can children's own positive factors be mobilized to the maximum extent, so that children can form the consciousness and ability of self-education and make continuous progress. However, whether praise, reward, criticism or punishment, if used properly, will receive good results; On the other hand, if used improperly, it will have a negative and opposite impact on parents' expectations. In the practice of family education, how to use rewards and punishments correctly is a puzzling problem for some parents in practice. This article will talk to parents about how to use rewards and punishments correctly.

First, the possible negative effects of improper rewards.

Praise and reward can stimulate children's initiative, improve their self-confidence, and encourage them to give full play to their advantages and make continuous progress. However, it is necessary for parents to understand that improper rewards will also have many negative effects, which will make children form some bad personality characteristics. Mainly reflected in the following aspects:

1, too much praise will make children form a blind and arrogant character.

When children are young, their self-evaluation ability has not been well established. Their evaluation of their words and deeds is based on external evaluation. The outside world says good is good, and the outside world says bad is bad. Therefore, whether the external evaluation of children is appropriate directly affects the accuracy of children's self-evaluation. If parents praise their children too much, exaggerate and use them frequently, they will give them a perfect illusion, and make them gradually form a self-righteous, complacent and conceited bad character.

2. Excessive praise will make children form a personality with poor behavioral awareness.

When parents praise their children, they often don't realize that in order to get praise, excessive praise can easily make children behave well. This kind of good performance is not conscious, but for a certain purpose and has certain utilitarianism. It is easy for children to develop the habit of poor consciousness and watching others wink. Everything must be driven by external forces. When they grow up, their personalities tend to be others-oriented, and their words and deeds will be praised by others. When faced with the behavior without any incentive measures, there is often no enthusiasm and initiative, and the utilitarian thinking is serious, and it may even develop into two-faced, and people are like people before. Once there is no parental supervision and praise, there will be completely different performances, leading to the formation of children's bad personality.

3. Too much praise will make children unable to stand criticism and setbacks.

We often hear parents say that their children are "donkeys", and only praise is allowed, not criticism. This phenomenon is caused by improper parental incentives. This kind of child has poor psychological endurance, can't face failure, can't resist setbacks, and is easy to become fragile, shrink back and escape when he grows up.

Second, the possible negative impact of improper punishment.

Improper punishment and "hardening" family education that excludes praise will also have a negative impact on children. Specific performance in:

1, too much criticism will make children lose confidence.

Parents always set high standards for their children and criticize them easily, which will make them think that they can't do anything well everywhere, thus underestimating their abilities, being timid in everything, not daring to try, not struggling with difficulties and being afraid of making mistakes. Some children feel that they are useless and simply break the jar and fall, not seeking progress.

2. Too severe punishment will make children timid.

Some parents think that severe criticism and punishment can make children remember the lesson deeply and prevent them from committing it again in the future. However, frequent severe punishment will make children timid and afraid. In the long run, children will be easily anxious, afraid of authority, succumb to it, and become a "little sheep" who dare not fight.

Improper criticism will hurt children's self-esteem.

Parents should pay attention to the time and place when criticizing their children. Some parents like to blame their children in front of others to show that their teachers are strict; Some parents criticize their children's shortcomings in front of others on the grounds that China people like modesty. These practices will damage the child's image, hurt the child's self-esteem, and make the child lift his head in front of others. There is always a sense of inferiority.

4, unfair blame will cause children's rebellious psychology.

Some parents are impatient and criticize their children when they encounter something; Some parents forbid their children to do something, but they do it without restraint; In order to save trouble, some parents blame their children for being unreasonable and don't allow them to argue. These reproaches will make children dissatisfied with their parents' education and even deliberately oppose their parents. I will do anything you don't want me to do. This rebellious mentality of children will make parents' education futile. Although parents criticize and punish their children out of "hate iron and not produce steel", improper use of parental punishment methods will also produce the above disadvantages.