Why do children have "bad" behavior? 10 method of positive discipline

Words in this article: 3400 Estimated reading time: 9 minutes.

Children, a small creature, test parents' patience most. Children of this age are notorious and well known. It can force the most reasonable people to cut the gordian knot at once, or it can force the most gentle and obedient people to make a hullabaloo about.

This is why children at this stage can make people collapse to such an extent, what are their behaviors and the reasons behind them, and how to effectively discipline them?

Sometimes, we feel that toddlers exist specifically to test our endurance, which annoys us. It's really shocking when an easy-going baby becomes a combative child who can only say "no" and "mine" to everything.

When it comes to child care, there are no fixed guidelines. Even if you find a method that conforms to your child's parenting style, it is still a process that needs many times of verification and trial and error. Knowing your child's behavior can help you deal with it more effectively. This paper mainly understands the reasons behind children's tantrums from a professional perspective, and how parents can actively discipline their children to solve "bad" behaviors.

The root cause of children's "bad" behavior

There are many forms of children's negative behavior, including losing their temper, biting, hitting people, not sharing, lacking emotional adjustment ability, not listening to instructions and so on. Although this is very frustrating, it is more important to understand that children's behavior is not bad for the sake of bad. Many times there are good starting points behind their actions, and understanding these good starting points can be the key to improving the problem.

So, why do young children have challenging behaviors? This is because their brains are not fully developed, and they are using the best tools they can find to deal with their feelings. We often pay attention to children's behavior, but in fact we should study the reasons for this behavior. We are too focused on disciplining (or punishing) children's behavior, but we never really solve the potential needs-maybe children need to have closer ties with their parents, or be more independent, or other needs that we didn't expect but never asked.

The direct cause of children's "bad behavior"

-They're learning the rules. When children show negative behaviors, they are testing the limits-not (just) testing our patience, but testing the world around them. They are learning the rules of family and society and understand what is acceptable and what is unacceptable. As adults, we know what is expected of us because we learn through many of the same channels. For example, we know that we need to go to work on time. Once we were late, the boss told us in some way that being late was unacceptable. Our children are testing this boundary to understand what the expected behavior is and what the consequences are.

-They are still developing acceptable languages. We often hear some parents say that their children are disobedient. Remember, toddlers are still learning how to deal with language, and their attention is short-lived. If you say "stop jumping on the sofa", they may not hear the word "don't". If you make a hullabaloo about, they may shut down the process of processing information and replace it with a fear reaction. Consciously understand how you talk to your children and keep your language short and accurate.

-Their communication is limited. Imagine how frustrating it is if you clearly express your wishes to people around you, but they can't understand what you want. This is the feeling of many children, especially those who can't speak. When a child wants to get a toy from a friend, but can't express it, he may use gestures at first, but the other person often misses it or doesn't understand it. At this point, the child may feel depressed because of lack of response and try to get the attention he needs by scratching, hitting or losing his temper.

-We have high expectations. Sometimes we may ask too much of the little people. Parents usually have high expectations for their children. Generally speaking, our requirements and expectations for children are higher than their own abilities. When educating young children, it is important to remember that they are learning all the rules for the first time. We need to wait patiently for them to figure out how things work.

How to discipline children

Instead of thinking about how to punish children, we should consider how to stop children's "bad" behavior and re-guide and teach positive behavior.

-One-on-one time. I suggest you set aside some time in your daily life and use these "special time" to establish contact with your children. This means putting away your mobile phone and all other distractions, spending 20 minutes completely focusing on your children and following their thoughts in game activities. Pay full attention to them and make them feel special. This may sound simple, but its influence is far-reaching. We use "special time" to make children feel happy to the maximum extent, help their brains work better, and make them develop better judgment and be more flexible. When this becomes a routine practice, the situation of children losing their temper will be reduced, and the "difficult" situation will also be reduced.

-Predict the problem. After a while, you will feel more and more, and have a prediction about what will cause children's negative behavior, so you can find a way to solve it before it happens. For example, if you know that leaving a friend's house after playing may lead to depression and losing your temper, you can even discuss with your child what kind of behavior you expect before playing. For example, set a few minutes countdown and early warning on the mobile phone and implement it.

-Stay calm. Anyone who has raised a child can tell you that the child will lose his mind at some point, but try to stay calm and don't take the child's difficult behavior as personal behavior (we know it is really difficult). This will help you to react more calmly. When you calmly deal with it, children will accept it more easily.

-Solve the problem and move on. If you are dealing with the problem of children hitting or biting people, the best thing you can do is to tell them calmly that it is wrong before they can control their impulses. You can say: I don't want you to hit/bite me, I will be very painful. I'm going to sit here for safety. Some children may have more senses to vent. So if they still want to fight and bite, their parents can redirect them, let them hit pillows or grind their teeth.

-Strengthening positive behavior. Instead of focusing on criticizing children's negative behavior, praise positive behavior. One of the best ways to prevent children from doing unnecessary behaviors is that parents spend time teaching their children what to do instead of just letting them know what not to do through punishment. For example, show them how to play with toys correctly and use positive compliments to reinforce positive behaviors.

-Listen. "100 reasons why children cry" is popular for a reason. Sometimes these reasons are so unreasonable that the only thing we can do is to downplay the situation (for example, they asked to cut strawberries, but you cut them, but he lost his temper). No matter how unreasonable it is, when children lose their temper, the best thing parents can do is to listen kindly, don't leave their children when they are unhappy, and try to look at the problem from their perspective. Listening and sympathy can promote relationships and make our children feel more supported, which in turn can raise children more easily.

-Provide a choice. Don't simply tell your children what they shouldn't do, but let them choose what they can do. For example, if you don't want them to jump on the sofa, tell them to jump on the floor or sit on the sofa. Older children may think of other safer and less destructive activities to release energy. Many times, children need a lot of time to run, play and exercise, so it is beneficial for everyone to find ways to help them discharge in a healthy and interesting way.

-Give in. This may sound completely counterintuitive, but in some cases, giving in to children is actually an effective strategy. For example, your child loses his temper because he wants to eat ice cream before going to bed. At this time, their brains have not developed the ability of logical reasoning, so they adopted the only (primitive) way-crying or rolling. Instead of fighting a power struggle that they may not understand at the moment, give them a spoonful of ice cream. Then you can provide your child with the foundation to solve problems with you.

-Take turns instead of sharing. When our children don't share, there will be various contradictions in the playground, classroom or with brothers and sisters. But what if we shouldn't tell our children to share? Children's understanding of fairness is still developing, and there is no concept of time, but living in the present. When you force children to give toys they are playing to another child, they can't predict when they will get them back. When parents say' share', from the child's point of view, it sounds like "give up your favorite toy!" Younger children understand the concept of "taking turns" more easily than asking them to share it.

Role play. Integrating problem-solving methods into pretend games may be an interesting and effective way to discipline children. Children like to perform, and parents can use it as a way of brainstorming, and make different reactions in the game to avoid conflicts. Your child doesn't need to understand many things through oral language. The more often you use this skill of playing house, the more it becomes a habit, and the more children will really understand it.

In the final analysis, there is no one-size-fits-all way to discipline children, but positive discipline is more effective than punishment. Parents are the ultimate role models, so means like spanking will only strengthen the acceptable behavior of hitting people. Suppose, if your husband acts like his two-year-old child, what would you do to be useful? Parents may usually discipline their children because of their performance or feedback or things they don't do as required. Imagine that if your partner does something, you shouldn't think, "How can I discipline him?" But "what's wrong with him? Why did he do this? " Come on!

Also remember that children learn in the same way as adults. If we make mistakes at work, will the boss lock us up?

Of course, if your child's behavior is particularly bad and persists, it is always worthwhile to go to a pediatric examination because there may be other pathological reasons. If your child forces you to irritate you by hurting yourself, please seek help immediately.