A friend around me often complains to me that it is getting harder and harder to take care of children now. When I was a child, I was obedient. When I grew up, I reasoned with my children, but I just couldn't listen. Sometimes I feel that what I said is boring, so I talk back and make myself angry and want to beat him up.
In fact, many parents have such troubles. They give their children a reason seriously, but they don't listen to a word, and even get impatient after listening to too many expressions. What should we do?
Professor Li Meijin once said that it is "golden" for parents to reason with their children before they are 6 years old, but it is "garbage" for children 12 years old to try to reason with their children.
Because children don't know anything when they are young, their parents are superhuman in their hearts, so children will respond positively to your words and instructions. But when children grow up slowly and have their own ideas, they will feel irritable, nagging, don't want to listen, and even have rebellious psychology in front of your truth.
Therefore, Professor Li Meijin believes that low-level parents will always try their best to reason with their children, and truly excellent high-level parents will not always nag their children, but take practical actions to participate in their children's growth. There is no need to talk too much about the reasons. Doing three things well will make a big difference.
To tell the truth, parents often preach to their children, and their children are also annoyed. However, in order to make their children take fewer detours in the future, the mentality of old parents will erupt and they will involuntarily assume the attitude of "you are still young, but you still have to listen to me". Teach children that I have eaten more salt than rice in my life. Everything I do and say is for your own good, so you must listen to me.
However, we all came from childhood, and we often "scoff" at our parents' usual teaching. We always use teachings to crush children. It's like casting pearls before swine, which goes in one ear and out the other.
In short, children will naturally not understand much when they reach the stage of life. Moreover, if you talk too much, you will keep nagging, and your authority in children's minds will also decline.
We all say that we should look at the changes of things with a "developmental perspective". Similarly, our attitude towards children and educational methods cannot remain unchanged forever.
The child grew up day by day. We shouldn't always think that he is still the four or five-year-old child. He already has his own ideas and thoughts. We parents should try our best to understand the child's state and look at his growth from the perspective of an adult.
Properly lower your posture, understand his real growth needs at this stage, and then try to make friends with your child, so that the distance between you and your child will get closer and closer, and then you will tell your child something, and he will listen to you.
Take a friend around me as an example. Recently, she complained to me that her children are addicted to reading novels, hiding under the covers at night, and their academic performance is declining.
What I have learned is that my friends usually like to play mobile phones and games, and my husband often reads novels, smokes, drinks and plays cards at home. They usually care less about their children, and when they make mistakes, they will only try their best to reason with them.
We say that parents are children's first teachers, and their words and deeds have a great influence on children. If parents' daily life brings bad habits to children, it is difficult for children to say that they love learning and form good habits.
Therefore, parents must change themselves if they want their children to grow up well and make progress hard. Really excellent parents attach great importance to their own state, not only require their children to study hard, but also set an example and face life with a positive attitude.
For example, for a while, I tried my best to get a senior nurse's certificate and read books every night. When my daughter sees my study status, she will be infected invisibly and sit next to me and read together. This kind of "leading by example" is more convincing than our empty talk about a pair of big truths.
Therefore, our parents should learn to set an example and give their children the power to set an example, so that they can effectively motivate their children and develop good living and study habits.
Communication is a very important way for parents to get along with their children. In the past, we may be used to ordering our children in the tone of "education" and then instilling a lot of truth, but the reality is that we have touched ourselves, but we have not touched our children.
Communication should not be one-way. We often nag and reason, and children will be more and more reluctant to communicate with us and hide everything in their hearts from obedience at first, boredom later and rebellion later.
Therefore, learning "two-way communication" is an important way for parents to get along with their children. In life, we should try our best to understand children's growth status, try our best to listen to their ideas, then communicate like friends and gain mutual trust through consultation and communication.
Therefore, we should try our best to restrain ourselves, don't try our best to tell our children a pair of big truths, and work hard in these three directions. Then I believe you will get along well with your children and their children will grow up well in the future.