Myth 1, actions differ from words.
When you say you can't do it, your words and deeds will make your child an opportunist. Because they knew they could escape, they tried their best to do so.
Love of imitation is the characteristic of children's psychological development. The specific performance is poor sex, seeing what others are playing, and what they are playing; When you see what others have, you want what you want, and when you see what others do, you do it. In short, everything around us may become the object of baby imitation. This shows that the baby's ability is constantly developing. Of course, because of the baby's poor discrimination, in the process of learning, the baby will learn well and will not learn badly. How to help your baby learn selectively depends on the correct guidance of parents.
1, pay attention to the behavior of adults by taking advantage of the characteristics that babies like to imitate. Every move, word and deed of parents are examples for children to learn. Filial piety to the elderly, courtesy, diligence and kindness, these virtues will have a subtle influence on the baby. On the contrary, vulgar manners, ugly habits, etc. Will be imitated by babies and defile their young hearts.
2. Strengthen good behavior. The baby has made progress, so parents should praise and encourage it in time to keep the baby's good behavior. For example, when a baby sees his mother pick up something that fell to the ground and then help her, he should praise the child and say, "The baby can really help her!" " You can also kiss and hug the baby, so that the baby can feel that mom and dad like me to do good deeds.
3. The following methods can be used to overcome the adverse effects of "learning from others":
(1) faded. When the baby learns rude behavior, mom and dad don't have to mention it or repeat it, so that the baby can gradually forget it.
(2) transfer. When bad factors affect your baby, you can avoid or use other things to divert your baby's attention.
(3) Use expressions and actions to express their denial, dissatisfaction and disgust with the baby's behavior.
Myth 2: Look down on and blame children.
It is easy to cause children to rely too much on other people's evaluation. Some parents always subjectively deny their children's words and deeds, like to compare other children with their own children, and even demand their own children with too high adult standards. In the long run, children's enthusiasm and self-motivation will be killed blindly, making them feel incompetent, and their self-esteem and self-confidence will be ruthlessly destroyed.
Every child has done something wrong, and at this time, he will be particularly nervous and worried, afraid of being scolded by his parents.
In real life, some parents really often blame their children. If the child accidentally knocks a glass of milk on the table, the mother immediately shouts: "You are such a big man, you must know how to take things!" " ! I told you to be careful, be careful! How many times have I told you? I just can't remember! "Dad might say," You can't even hold the cup. You are all thumbs. I don't think you will succeed in the future! ""The child's loss of self-confidence after being accused is many times greater than the value of that glass of milk. It is not appropriate to reprimand a child immediately after he has done something wrong. If you want to criticize, you should also deal with things, not people.
In fact, children can learn many valuable lessons from small mistakes. He can learn from his parents how to distinguish unpleasant and annoying faults from serious events, as well as their attitude and language towards things. Blaming children too much will only lead them to be cautious and timid, always afraid of doing something wrong, but the more afraid they are, the more worried they are.
Myth 3: overprotective or doting.
It is easy to cause children to rely too much on other people's evaluation. Some parents do everything for their children, sheltering their children under their wings all day like old hens protect chickens, even reluctant to let their children do what they can, or even completely limit their activities to their own sight. This excessive protection seriously interferes with the normal development of children's body and mind, resulting in children's lack of living ability, social difficulties, lack of self-confidence, indecision, and even lack of moral feelings and sense of responsibility.
In a university, such a thing happened. High flyers, a physics major who is about to graduate, was selected by the school to go to a famous American university for further study because of his outstanding achievements. Who knows, the students flatly refused to go abroad. The reason for refusing is unbelievable: he can't wash clothes, eat, cook and socialize, that is, he can't live at all. After four years in college, his mother came to school regularly to get his clothes cleaned.
Obviously, this college student grew up under the excessive protection of his parents. The so-called overprotection means that parents always protect their children under their own wings, just like old hens protect chickens, and they are unwilling to let their children do what they can. There are also some parents who, out of the desire to make their children successful, completely limit their children's activities to their own sight. In some places, children are directly or even completely controlled, and their will and actions are restrained by various rules and regulations, and they are endlessly corrected and blamed for fear that children will make mistakes when they go out of line. Excessive protection will seriously interfere with the normal development of children's body and mind, resulting in extremely bad consequences.
First of all, poor living ability, clumsy movements, childish behavior, at least personal life can not be arranged; The second is the difficulty of socialization, social incompetence, inability to live in harmony with others and ignorance of the world; The third is indecision, lack of self-confidence, and excessive shyness and inferiority; Fourth, it is easy to produce negative emotions and fall into a state of persistent anxiety, depression and depression. Fifth, lack of moral emotion, indifference to responsibility, heavy revenge and blind offensive behavior; Sixth, the sexual psychology is immature, and we are too dependent on our parents, so that love is fixed on our parents and no one else can love.
The above performance is worrying. At present, overprotection has become the central topic of children's bad upbringing and the focus of children's research in the fields of education, psychology, sociology and medicine. The incorrect educational attitude of parents who overprotect their children needs to be corrected urgently.
Myth 4: Parents are too
It is easy to cause children to be stubborn and willful. No matter big or small, I hope it makes sense. As a result, the reason was not discussed, and the child was spoiled. The reason is that children (especially younger children) lack enough experience and judgment, and they need to rely on the guidance of their parents in many places in their lives. If they go too far, it is easy to spoil children and make them stubborn, willful and do whatever they want.
As the name implies, teasing is teasing. Children like to play tricks on others for the following reasons:
1. Because of poor self-control, children are rude, willful, selfish and neurotic.
The influence of environment makes some children like playing tricks on others. For example, the bad atmosphere of family and society, the bad behavior of peers and so on. Because children are easy to imitate, parents' words and deeds will have a subtle influence on children. If parents love to play tricks on people, children will imitate them and love to play tricks on people.
How to help children who love to play tricks on others?
1. When children are found playing tricks on others, adults should first find out the reasons, and then patiently guide children to get rid of the habit of playing tricks on others. For children with poor self-control, parents can play interesting games with their children, such as "kitten fishing" and "catching glass balls quickly", so that children can gradually learn to control their behavior. For willful and selfish children, parents should not spoil their children, but set a good example for them.
2. Let children live in a warm and harmonious family environment since childhood, and let them gradually form good behavior habits in a subtle way. If mom and dad play tricks on people, they should dare to criticize themselves in front of their children and correct them in time.
Children should be helped to distinguish right from wrong and let them know what is good and what is bad. It is necessary to eliminate the influence of bad social atmosphere and bad behavior of peers on children, and consciously create a good environment to restrain uncivilized behavior. In daily life, children should be taught to communicate with their peers correctly, and good qualities such as humility, courtesy and caring for others should be formed in friendly communication.
Myth 5. Abuse of rewards and lack of punishment
It is easy for children to make mistakes and never change. Children lack the ability to judge right from wrong. In order to help them distinguish right from wrong, parents should develop the habit of distinguishing rewards and punishments in peacetime. Some parents believe in the concept of "playing with talents", while others go to the other extreme, only using rewards and never punishing their children. Both of these practices are wrong. If the child makes a mistake, a moderate punishment is appropriate. Of course, punishment does not mean beating and scolding children, and its methods and forms can be varied, as long as the goal is achieved.
Rewarding or even bribing children is not a bad thing in essence, but you must do it wisely. If everything is expected to be rewarded, children will become completely depressed if they are not rewarded, and even think that things that are not rewarded are not worth doing. Here are some guidelines to help you reward your children reasonably:
Praise is often enough in return. Parents' recognition and praise will give children great inspiration. If the child is very cooperative, express your approval and give verbal praise, which can encourage the child's good behavior.
√ Pay attention to children's particularly good performance. If your child is with you all morning, and the little guy seldom complains or is unhappy, it is very appropriate to reward your child.
√ Create motivation for children to do things instead of trying to bribe them. For example, if a toddler stays in a restaurant, you promise to give him a new toy. In this case, children will be disappointed if they don't take bribes in the future. The motivation to motivate children to do things is to improve their habits for a long time through continuous progress, and the motivation is to reach a certain consensus with children in advance, rather than bargaining with them at a certain moment.
√ Provide appropriate rewards. For example, if the child is obedient in the shower, it is more appropriate to tell the child a story at night. And if you promise to give your child a new toy another day, it seems that it has nothing to do with the child's activities at night.
A clever way to unite brothers and sisters
The 6-year-old son occasionally loses his temper, and the little guy will hit his 8-year-old sister. My sister knows she can't fight back, but it doesn't seem enough to just let my brother apologize to my sister and leave my son alone for a while as punishment. In order to teach my son a lesson, I asked my daughter to choose his brother to do things for her, such as cleaning the room. Doing so can make the daughter feel that she can't just suffer there. At the same time, it can also make the son think about his behavior. This happened several times-after asking my brother to help my sister-my brother stopped hitting my sister.
Connie Gankel, Rhode Island
Let the children realize the consequences
My son Steven is three years old. In order to discipline children, oral education is the first step. Then, we will warn him and tell him the consequences of not listening to the warning. ("If you hit your brother with a tractor again, I'll take it away." Or, we will deprive the child of certain rights (watching videos or his favorite TV programs). A few months ago, in the backyard, Steven chased the older children into the street. I told him that if he ran into the street again, I would take him away. The little guy wants to try his luck, so I'll take him home right away. Besides, I only need to do it once.
Jennifer Zhu, California
If you make a mistake, you must copy it.
Our family has a good way to discipline children, which can make them learn a lot. When children can almost read and write, if they make mistakes, they will sit down and copy encyclopedias. How many pages need to be copied depends on the size of their mistakes. When they finish copying, the children will tell us what they have learned. When the eldest daughter 13 years old, she already knew the contents of the first volume of many encyclopedias. Moreover, the little sister watched her sister copy so many books and was much more obedient.
Thea Krina Spencer
Myth 6. There is disagreement between parents on education.
It is easy to lead children to disobey discipline. Many parents are stubborn in educating their children because of lack of communication, and even openly quarrel in front of their children. The direct harm of this phenomenon is to make children feel insecure and at a loss. Therefore, in front of children, parents should pay attention to keeping the same opinion and never give in to each other. Because if a child agrees that one parent has the final say, when one parent is not present in the future, the other parent may not be able to persuade and discipline the child, thus bringing artificial obstacles to normal family education.
A father thinks you are too strict with his children, but you think he is too soft-hearted with them. One thing is certain: it is natural for couples to quarrel occasionally on the issue of child discipline. Dr. John Geithmann, a professor of psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle, told us: "We have inherited different philosophies of educating our children from our parents." . Dr Geithmann is also a member of the parent department. So, think about how your parents successfully cooperate to educate their children. The following suggestions will help you:
Parents always reach a united front. Although it is healthy and beneficial for parents to have different ways to educate their children, don't show obvious conflicts between them. Arguing about how to discipline children in front of them will only force them to choose between their parents. In this regard, Dr. Geithmann told us: "Children tend to blame themselves for the disputes in their parents' marriage. "For problems that need to be solved immediately, such as children should go to bed, or children are fighting, husband and wife should try to discuss how to solve these problems in advance.
Find a compromise that you can accept. There is no need to wait until something goes wrong, and the husband and wife will quarrel endlessly. Sometimes, compromise means that you agree to solve some things as a husband. Children need information only because both parents support such a decision. You and your husband can distinguish their responsibilities: the mother is responsible for supervising the children's homework, and the father is responsible for supervising the children's eating and sleeping time.
Make it fun to take care of children
When we were in charge of the children and let them cooperate, we came up with a piggy bank for family fun in order not to get angry. The method is as follows: If the child is obedient when disciplining him, the child can put 1 cent in the jar. If children don't listen when we are patient, then they have to take 1 cent out of the jar. When the jar is full, children can choose an interesting family activity, such as camping in the backyard, telling ghost stories late at night, or anything else they want to do.
Kate Alexander from Ohio
Find out the problem you are dealing with.
Choose three things that are the biggest headaches for children-for example, children fighting, jumping on furniture and yelling at home. Focus all your attention on the three most troublesome behaviors of your child, and put aside other behaviors of your child (except, of course, those that put your child in danger). In this way, you won't let your children think that you are always nagging and you won't turn a deaf ear to your discipline.
Julie Hamel, California
Make eye contact
Our 3-year-old son always refuses to listen to us. Now, whenever we want him to do something, we will gently turn the little guy around and let him look into our eyes. If the child listens attentively to you, we can ask the child questions or discipline him, and then we can make him repeat what we said. In this way, we can know that the children heard what we said.
New york Elena Snead
Excuse me for a moment.
When I am about to have a seizure, I will let myself avoid it for a while. If the children are running around the house but there is no danger, I will stay in the bathroom for 3-5 minutes. Being alone for a while can calm me down. Then, I can judge the situation calmly and then decide what I need to do. Similarly, I pulled myself out of the chaos for a while to give the children time to figure out what was going on, or to calm them down. And the children are surprised that I will do this, so they know that I am really sad.
Clichy-Ochi, Canada
suit one's actions to one's words
When you discipline naughty children, if you tell them what you want to do but don't do it, the children will not take what you say seriously in the future.
Beth Borden, California
Think twice before disciplining children.
When I want to yell at my 4-year-old son, I will first stop and ask myself, "Is the child hungry, tired, cold or hot?" Usually, children will be naughty for some reason. You will be surprised to find that the little guy is not so naughty after eating a snack or sleeping for a while.
Lisa Youville, Colorado.
Take care of the children
I will give my twins three chances before I leave them for a while. Now as long as you want to punish them for a while, the little guy will be much more obedient. If I see children fighting over a toy, I will say, "It's time." Usually this will fundamentally end the child's bad behavior.
Marisa Cappuro of New Jersey.
Appropriate punishment, let children do more housework.
I won't let my children do extra housework as punishment-it will make them dislike helping their families with housework! But if the 4-year-old son is deprived of certain rights as punishment, he can make up for his mistakes by doing housework, so as to regain the deprived rights.
Guy Piotti, Delaware
What should I do if I call my child?
Parenting experts point out that children can learn to be sensible, but in this process, certain ways and means are needed. We must teach them. This requires us to plan ahead, persevere and keep a cool head at all times. The following six secrets are very effective. Although it can't prevent a naughty child from making mistakes occasionally, it can help you transform a naughty child from such a troublesome role with love and patience.
For many parents, it is difficult to control themselves from criticizing their children. Therefore, please think twice before you speak. The different tone and wording you use will be very different. For example, "I love you, but I can't accept your behavior." This kind of words will sound difficult at first, but after a while, children will naturally understand what you mean.