1, complaining to each other
If the child has problems, the husband complains about his wife, and the wife complains about her husband. Parents complain about teachers, and teachers complain about parents and even children.
There is a theory of attribution in psychology. Psychologists have found that when people attribute the reasons to problems, the general rule is this: things are done beautifully because of their own intelligence, ability and level; If something goes wrong, blame it on others or environmental problems.
So, who is responsible for the children's problems? As we all know, children become wolf children eight years after being thrown into wolves. In fact, there are no bad children, only unqualified parents. There are no bad students, only incompetent teachers.
However, as parents, can we think about it, why do we rank first and 50th in the same social background, the same academic system, the same school, the same class, the same teacher and only with different family backgrounds? Should we parents reflect on our parents' responsibilities?
Numerous examples have proved that parents are the most important people who decide the fate of their children.
When can we hold it? Children's education, my responsibility, I have changed, will children definitely change? Think with a good attitude, and you will find the problem solved. You can control the situation yourself. If you think that the problem lies with teachers or children, you will feel angry and helpless. So some people say that the problem is left to stupid people to complain about, and smart people try to solve it.
2. There are too many restrictive information.
What word do we find that parents use most for their children? No? Words. For example: no, no, no, no, no and other command languages. These belts? No? The word command seems to be that many rules and regulations are imprisoning children's thoughts and behaviors. What is a character with a box outside? These are the words of a prisoner. Don't think that all children want to be emperors. A survey shows that 34% of junior high school students want to run away from home. Two junior one boys left home by train, and a week later, they ran out of money. When parents found them, they thought they must be homesick. Unexpectedly, they said they didn't want to go home when they found something to sell. Middle school students have their own ideas and are no longer at the mercy of others like puppets. They want to be respected.
To be fair, we adults are really unreasonable sometimes. Usually we don't give our children the opportunity to exercise, think and choose, and children can't get exercise. When it happened, we adults said that children can't do this, which is wrong. Think carefully, why are children's abilities poor now? Because there is no exercise opportunity. So I call on my dear parents and friends to be tolerant of their children, give them a chance to try to make mistakes and give them a successful experience. Give children the opportunity to think and choose independently, and let them grow up by themselves. Don't restrict them too much.
3. There are three factors that produce rebellious psychology: preaching, nagging and comparison.
Some parents asked why children should oppose their mothers. Tell him to go east. He leans to the west? Because he has been rebellious.
Some mothers introduce the past to the present on the internet every time they finish a small thing. There are also mothers who make all their previous mistakes and then label their children negatively. How can you be so stupid? You are worthless in your life. Doing so reinforces errors and negative information.
It's better to preach and teach to solve doubts than to teach to solve doubts, and the voice shouted out can be better expressed. Say 1000 sentences and 10000 sentences, it is better to demonstrate yourself. Don't do to others what you don't want. If you can't do it yourself, don't ask your children. For example, watching TV, not letting children watch it, first of all, adults should set an example.
In addition, what children dislike most is that parents always compare others with him. You see a child published an article in the newspaper saying, don't compare me with others, I have no confidence at all.
4, four excesses: too much love, too much care, too much interference, too strict.
Excessive love makes this generation not know what sex is, what care is and what gratitude is.
Excessive care makes children lose the ability to live independently, and capable mothers cultivate children who can't do it.
On his deathbed, Zheng Banqiao asked his son to make steamed bread for him. And left a sentence for his son: sweat by yourself, eat by yourself, do things by yourself, and rely on your parents to be heroes. It is worth learning.
Too much interference makes children at a loss.
Being too strict will distort a child's character. I don't know if we have ever said that if we play football again, we will break our legs! You are so stupid. Why are you inferior to others? People can take the third exam, why can't you? If you don't get in the top ten in the final exam, I'll break your leg. Anyway, I gave birth to you, and it doesn't matter if you die?
This is what a mother who was killed by her own son said to her son before she died. It was these words that made Xu Li, a good student aged 17, pick up a hammer and hit his mother.
5, parent-child relationship dislocation
The parent-child relationship in some families is the relationship between master and servant, the relationship between leader and led, the relationship between police and prisoners, the relationship between economic partners, and even regards children as private property. And what kind of parent-child relationship is more suitable for children's growth? I thought parents should be children: life mentors, intimate friends and chargers.
6. Lack of childlike innocence
Why didn't the child tell you the truth? Because many friends use an adult's ruler to measure their children, they think it's wrong. That's not right. You don't understand him, of course he won't talk to you psychologically. Think about what we would do if we were 10 or 17 years old.
After I finished my class for middle school students, 12-year-old children wrote on the feedback form:? Teacher, I thought no one in this world would understand us. ? In this case, should we adults reflect on what we have done? How should parents treat their children? What is the new thinking area of parents? I thought it should be the child's inner world.
7. Ask the score directly
Parents are most concerned about studying, but I can understand them to some extent. The biggest headache for parents is that their children don't like learning. So do you want to discuss: Why don't children love learning? How can we make children love learning? The answer is simple: because learning is painful, I don't like learning. If learning is interesting, you love learning.
So what we want to discuss is: how to make learning a happy thing?
A friend's child told me: My mother said the last sentence, and I immediately knew what she was going to say. Just a few words all day. See how many points their children got. Look at you. Don't rush to study, don't watch TV, do your homework. How dare you play football with so little? No, I tell you, I can't go there this summer vacation. Just make up lessons at home. ? I am bored to death. The more she talks, the less I like studying.
My parents and friends often tell me that my son is too lazy to study. Ask me what to do? Let's see? Lazy? How to write: ungrateful bundle. My heart is tied. What we are going to discuss is how to mobilize his heart. That is to stimulate learning motivation. Learning motivation comes from: beliefs, goals, interests, hobbies, curiosity, recognition, appreciation, successful experience, sense of responsibility and so on.
Therefore, I hope parents can make a good charger. Let children have the motivation and enthusiasm to learn.
Some parents asked: How to make a charger? How can I arouse my enthusiasm for learning? Many educators and psychologists have found that most hobbies are caused by a sense of accomplishment, which comes from being affirmed and appreciated. May I ask? Do you often treat children with affirmation and appreciation?
8. Ignoring moral education and mental health.
Be ambitious and do great things. In Tsinghua, there is a champion in the college entrance examination. When he was a senior in high school, he never took a nap at noon. He uses his nap time to do his math homework, so that in the afternoon, when students ask him questions, they don't have to wait. He not only saved his classmates' time, but also improved his learning efficiency, exercised his eloquence and expanded his thinking of solving problems. In fact, helping others equals helping yourself. We should not only cultivate children to study hard, but also cultivate their moral character better.
Today's children don't know how to care about others, are self-centered and have poor ability to resist setbacks. This is the main reason why suicide or homicide will happen in a small incident.
Therefore, in the process of cultivating children, parents should never neglect the education of being a man, for example, the cultivation of good habits and the shaping of character.