Lucky people use their childhood to cure their whole lives, while unfortunate people use their whole lives to cure their childhood. The so-called luck or misfortune depends on what kind of parents we will meet. A survey conducted by UNICEF and Peking University Institute of Child and Adolescent Health found that 74.8% of children were abused when they were growing up, and domestic abuse was an important factor threatening their healthy growth.

The wrong way of education is the beginning of destroying a child. Many parents will unconsciously implement the moral kidnapping education of "I did it for your own good", among which "the dutiful son was born under the stick" is a typical example of this education.

Even in our generation, many people will be "beaten". Beat and scold if you do something wrong. If things are not done well, they will still beat and scold. In the eyes of many parents, beating and cursing is to teach children rules and understand that children are good people. The "mixed doubles" and "belt stew", which are now ridiculed by many netizens, seem interesting, but there are actually unknown bitter tears behind them.

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Is there really a dutiful son under the stick?

In such an enlightened era, parents should also abandon old ideas and think, "Can beating and scolding really educate a good child?"

Shu Qi said in a program that she grew up being beaten and scolded by her parents, and she had to learn to read at an early age. If her parents look pale, she will hide immediately, otherwise she will be beaten and scolded. Growing up in such an environment for a long time, she became very sensitive. Shu Qi said frankly that whenever he heard the sound of his father's motorcycle, he would feel scared and run as far away as possible.

Think back, have you ever suffered violence from your parents? I believe most people's answer is yes. Not only beatings, confinement, starvation, etc. It is also a disguised punishment. So will children who grow up in this environment really be good? According to psychological observation, children who are often severely punished will be "very obedient" when there is a disciplinarian, but when the disciplinarian leaves, their destructive behavior will be more serious than that of ordinary people. Not only that, these children will have the idea of running away from home after they have a sense of independence, so playing truant and running away from home has become a common social phenomenon.

Every scar caused to children not only brings tears and pain, but also makes them lose the ability to pursue happiness. Childhood is the beginning of contact with the world. Once children are not well guided in this process, they can't learn correct love. They are always difficult to be happy, and even repeat their parents' wrong behavior, which casts a shadow on their children. Any injury suffered during this period will be firmly branded, and the child's injury will unconsciously affect his personality, cognition, outlook on life and other aspects: people who lack parental care from an early age may be gloomy; People who have suffered sexual violence as children may be afraid to approach the opposite sex; People who have been satirized since childhood may feel inferior and self-denial; Or worse, people who have been hurt in childhood will do such harm to others when they grow up. Heim Guinot, a children's educator, said: "Punishment can't stop bad behavior, it can only make criminals more careful when committing crimes, more skilled at covering up crimes, and more skilled at not being discovered."

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Beating children is actually a sign of parents' incompetence and lack of IQ.

The lack of educational awareness and their own feelings made these parents choose simple and rude education methods. They didn't want to communicate and were tired of coping, so they found this shortcut. This is called "strict education", but it is not education at all.

It's not that children can't be punished at all, but the premise of education has boundaries. After crossing the line, punishment is no longer an educational way that can bring benefits, but a shadow that destroys the child's life.

Because the concept of "don't beat the abrasive" has been circulating for a long time, many abusers feel that they are really "educating". "I hit you for your own good!" Is it really for the children? Parents were led by the nose by temporary emotions, and the depression in their hearts was opened, but they left unforgettable panic and resentment for their children. Moreover, in the eyes of many parents, scolding or beating is no big deal, but for children with insufficient life experience, family is all they have to face. If parents don't love them, they have nothing.

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Why should we live a life we once hated?

In our memory, only our parents treat us, so when we treat our children, we will directly extract these experiences from our memory and then implement them. When I was violent to my children, my childhood panic under the oppression of violence turned into anger, and because I had already suffered such violence, I would unconsciously rationalize it in my mind: that's how I got here. Beating and scolding children is really part of education.

Besides, many parents don't pay attention to their manners in front of their children. Will quarrel or fight in front of children, will swear, will break things. These behaviors, accompanied by domestic violence, will cause serious psychological trauma to children, because words and deeds from parents will make him have a wrong understanding: violence can solve all problems.

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Please look at the children with appreciation.

Many parents will be overwhelmed by the trivial matters of their children's growth. The more excited they are, the more they can only see his shortcomings. Children who grow up under the pressure of criticism will not become confident. Please always look at your children with appreciation.

Give them more encouragement and don't always say, "How could you do this?" "Other children can do it, why can't you?" Language is very powerful. If you stand in other people's shoes, you may not be able to bear this kind of language attack.

Hug is a term in the field of psychoanalysis, which means that a mother can meet all kinds of physical and mental needs of her children. Childhood hug is: I have a lot of ideas, I want to start trying to do something by myself, I can do something wrong and say a wrong sentence. If I do something that makes adults uncomfortable, please tell me. The best parenting environment is hugging, that is, recognizing children when they behave well; When a child does something wrong, trust him and persuade him. Parents are the authority of children. When they feel that this authority sincerely trusts them, it is a great source of strength, not pressure. Psychologists mentioned that if the baby sends a signal to the mother and the mother can give an accurate response within seven seconds, the baby will not feel depressed. If it takes more than seven seconds, the baby will have obvious frustration. And when this frustration appears again and again, the baby seems to be in a desperate situation.

Some children have never been encouraged or praised, because their parents unilaterally set a standard that they can't reach anyway. I praised you, and you should be better next time. There is no praise below 90 points, and there will never be a chance to be praised below 90 points. So some children are afraid of being praised, while others are afraid of not being praised. In any case, it's all pressure, and no matter how hard you try, there will be no end.

To change this situation, parents need to affirm their children's efforts, rather than just seeing unsatisfactory results. Parents don't trust their children, and children don't trust their parents.

Put down your dancing fist, gentleness is always more powerful than violence.