Why? I think children are like flowers, so comfortable in a greenhouse and need to live in a warm and comfortable environment all the time. When they encounter severe weather such as extreme heat and cold, they will wither more easily than flowers in nature. Another example is smog in some places in China. It is said that there are many good mountains and waters abroad. People who live in smog are extremely comfortable once they go to places with good mountains and good water; On the contrary, people who have lived in good mountains and waters since childhood will be allergic or even sick when they encounter smog-polluted environment. Life can't be the same. Real life is much more complicated than the two examples I gave. So if parents want their children to live tenaciously in the future, they should not be willing to provide them with a "greenhouse", right?
In addition, compare children of different times. You will find that many children used to be children of poor families. In that era when it was easy to be hungry, children's requirements were simple, and not being hungry was a good thing; Nowadays, many children feel that rice is not as delicious as candy because they don't know the taste of hunger, so they have to be chased by their grandparents. In the past, children only had candy to eat during the Spring Festival, but now some children will get tooth decay if they eat candy.
Of course, it is not a bad thing that this generation of children live happily. Nobody's parents want their children to live a hard life. Just let the children know that today's day is hard-won, and the years are quiet, because there are parents for the time being. What if their parents are old in the future? Don't let children take everything for granted. For them, learning to be grateful is a wise choice.
If you love children, you should think of their long-term interests. If you love children, please put this love in your heart, not on your face. Children can get used to their parents' kindness, but they should be grateful to their parents. Once the child is found to be ungrateful and asks for it blindly, parents will begin to adjust their way of treating their children.
Subject Hello, I'm glad to answer your question.
Some people say: "If you want your child to become a phoenix, you can't spoil your child." I agree. A spoiled child is like killing a child, and a loving mother will fail even more, but she should not be too strict. It should be "strict and kind, kind and moderate"
Everyone has heard the story of "Kill his mother if you leave". It is said that during the reign of Song Xuanhe, a thief in Mangshan was going to be executed, and his mother said goodbye to him. The thief said to his mother, "I hope I can suck my mother's milk again like when I was a child, and I will have no regrets when I die." His mother gave it to him. The thief bit off his mother's nipple and bled all over the floor. His mother died. The torturer said, "Why are you so cruel?" The thief said to the executioner, "I stole a dish and firewood when I was a child." My mother saw it, but she liked my bad behavior very much, which led me to be unable to restrain myself later and ended up today. " I killed her because I hated her. "So, to educate children from an early age," don't do evil, don't do good. "Otherwise, your" kindness "will be the reason why children hate you when they grow up!
Take my children for example. At that time, the child was almost two years old, and he told his family when he knew how to urinate, but sometimes he was too involved in playing and peed his pants. I was angry when I saw her like this at first, because I thought children only knew how to play and didn't even care about peeing. Later, when this happens, she will either cry or I will ask her. If you pee your pants again, she will timidly sayno. If you are too strict, your child will be timid and lie! Fortunately, I found this and corrected it in time. It's not easy to be a parent.
There is also a girl I have taught, who is very quiet and always afraid to write when doing problems. I thought she wouldn't, but later I observed that she knew a lot of questions but was afraid to write. When communicating with children, I realized that her father was very strict with him and asked her to get 100 every time. Being too strict would make children feel insecure.
How should we educate our children?
American child psychologist James Bicock made a survey of more than 1300 parents with famous posts, and he came to the conclusion that to be a parent with famous posts, we should strive to do the following:
1, like and often close to children, loving and gentle, strictly qualified;
2. Care about children's thoughts and learning, and be willing to help children solve some difficulties in study and life;
3. Be good at communicating with children and exchanging thoughts and feelings;
4, the family now has a clear "agreement", so that children have rules to follow;
5. Respect children's hobbies;
6. Put forward reasonable goals and requirements for children according to their level;
7. Committed to creating a harmonious and happy family atmosphere.
Therefore, children can't get used to it, but parents can't be too strict. Being too strict will make children develop timid character and rebellious psychology. The best family education is "strict and kind, kind and moderate."
Children's own way of life is different from that of adults, if you would rather impose your own way of life on him. He has no opinion of his own life. It will definitely hurt him. If you want your child to become a phoenix. Let him have his own way of life to realize his future development
This topic should be discussed separately, whether it is the "dragon and phoenix" you designed or the "dragon and phoenix" that respects children's natural growth.
If the dragon and phoenix designed by parents are auspicious, they must be managed well and not used to it, just like the trimmed flowers and trees in the park, which are round or square, built according to the gardener's design requirements. Building this thing is management, not to let these flowers and trees develop wantonly.
If parents respect the natural growth of their children, it is not management, but guidance and support. We all know the story of the ugly duckling. The ugly duckling becomes a white swan because it is hatched from swan eggs, which determines the talent of the ugly duckling. His later growth is to grow according to the swan's own growth law. People around him don't understand, saying that he is a monster, just because people around him are different from him. He was able to grow up, with the help of good people, and finally came to the lake, and he was able to fly high.
Our parents should believe that their children were hatched from goose eggs that day. If we support them to grow up, they will also become white swans, so leave him alone.
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If you want your children to succeed, you can't spoil them.
Children who are spoiled by their parents are generally willful, self-centered and lacking in love. Once they encounter setbacks, they become dejected and sigh.
The author believes that parents should consciously cultivate their children's independent living ability from their childhood, and parents will never do what their children can do.
Such as washing dishes, chopsticks, sweeping the floor, folding quilts, washing face, brushing teeth, washing feet, washing small clothes and so on. Children should be taught by themselves.
Some parents think that children's study time is precious, and letting children do housework will delay their study. This view is untenable.
When children learn to do housework, they can not only reduce the burden on their parents, but also cultivate their ability to live independently, and realize from their hearts how difficult it is for parents to support their families at ordinary times.
Once children have developed the habit of living independently, they will lay a good foundation for entering the senior grades in the future, and they can easily cope with boarding at school. These experiences are also very helpful for children's writing, and they will not be full of empty talk and have no true feelings.
Of course, not being used to children does not mean rejecting their legitimate needs. For example, buy necessary daily necessities, school supplies and participate in public welfare activities.
It's not that children want to succeed, it's that all children can't adapt to education! Incompetence includes not only the material level, but also the ideological level.
1. The main purpose of education is not to become a dragon or a phoenix, but to become a useful, available and contributing general public.
Dragon and phoenix are rare things in the world. In ancient times, the dragon was the emperor and the phoenix was the queen. In contemporary times, it can be called a dragon and a phoenix, at least it is also a leader in the industry, a cow and a great god.
Because of the comparison, there are very few children who will become lucky in the future, and it is a high probability event to become an ordinary and mediocre public.
But these ordinary and seemingly mediocre workers are the main force to promote social progress, and history is created by these people.
Therefore, the direction of education and training children should not be the elite education of a few gifted children, but the available mass education for children.
2. Child-centeredness is the ideological root of parents doting on their children.
Especially in the one-child family, children are the blood of the family and the only hope. In the eyes of parents and grandparents, they are children and the apple of their eye. They can't wait to give all the good things to their children, and everything is child-centered and freely meets their requirements.
I don't want my children to suffer a little, be a little tired, be a little wronged, be a little frustrated, be obedient to their children and do everything for them. Parents treat their children like "emperors" and "princesses" and servants.
This habit keeps cutting off children's hands and feet and cutting off their brains. This kind of child has poor self-care ability and is full of selfishness.
Spoiling children includes not only material aspects, but also ideological aspects.
Many parents think that if they are not used to children, they will not be given a generous life. High-end toys, brand-name clothes and too much pocket money are actually not used to children materially.
On the other hand, don't spoil children ideologically, don't echo, accommodate and agree with their misconceptions, and don't let their misconceptions drift with the tide.
Parents should actively communicate with their children, enlighten and stop their wrong ideas in time, and let them change their minds and accept correct ideas.
Only when the child's mind is right, his behavior will be right, and he will not make unreasonable and excessive demands. Otherwise, the child can only accept it on the surface and resist it inside.
In short, the education of children should not be accustomed to material things, nor to wrong ideas!
Nowadays, children are very happy. It is said that children from poor families have long been in charge. But many parents who are fed up with poor days don't want their children to experience the hard life at that time, so they will be good to their children. Children who grow up in such a family life may be polite or willful when they grow up, and they will not have much promise when they grow up.
Naughty and willful children will not be liked anywhere, so parents can't spoil their children if they want to make them lucky. They can only be masters if they suffer. Therefore, if you want to succeed, you must first suffer. Children who are used to it do not want to suffer. They will always rely on their parents' help and eventually become nothing.
There are differences in personal experiences between children. In fact, every child has his own innate personality pattern, such as: some are slow-heating, some are introverted, and some are extroverted and active. Parents think that my child should take more early education classes when he is slow, and he should sit next to him and read books when he is too active. This kind of human intervention is too intensive, which is easy to destroy his personality tendency. Some children only cater to parents' acceptable ways in appearance, and increase their purchases privately with their parents. For example, a child who loves to hit people has no language and weak arm control. He regards hitting people as a way of self-protection and communication. When he hits people, he will subconsciously think that communication is effective and he can get what he wants quickly. If criticized, he will feel wronged and gain sympathy by crying or making noise. Subconscious habitual thinking will make children acquiesce in this way, and the expansion of arms will weaken the expression and thinking mode of language in the future, which is not conducive to children's language learning. Then we want Jackie Chan to become a phoenix, because we want our children to feel pressure in language learning.
I'm happy to answer your question. I am both a parent and a teacher. Now, as far as your question is concerned, my understanding is that children can't get used to it if they want to succeed, right? Let me tell you what I think of this statement:
First of all, I quite agree with this sentence. If a child can't get used to it, getting used to it means hurting him. This is right. As soon as the child is born, our parents should learn not to spoil it! But a big family, such a baby, you are not used to it, but what about grandparents? Getting used to children has become something that every family will experience, but to varying degrees!
Let me give you an example: a baby fell to the ground. He was crying and wanted to attract others' attention. At this time, his grandfather, grandmother, father and mother all came running. What did they do first? First, arrest the child, then hit the ground, while saying, you hurt our baby! At this moment, the baby didn't cry, but smiled and hit the ground like an adult ... I want to say that the baby didn't pay attention to the fall, but the parents refused to pay attention. This is not to instill in children that they have to blame others for problems! I am really speechless.
So parents are used to dressing, eating and drinking, okay? I don't think so. Educate children from an early age to know the rules, and everyone is equal. Never eat delicious food, everyone waits on him alone ... this will make children selfish, lazy and ungrateful.
The child is also an independent individual, and he will grow up sooner or later. It will be too late when your connivance forms his selfish character. Think of those nerds. I know that parents love their children, but the method of loving children must not be used!
Educating children to become adults is what parents are most concerned about. No matter how successful their career is, once their children are not admitted to college or even become adults, they will make you regret it for life.
First of all, educate children not to spoil them.
Parents can't agree to their children's unreasonable demands. If the child gives you trouble, let him get into trouble. His parents let him make trouble when he makes trouble. Should parents care or care after trouble? Parents should explain to their children why they didn't agree to their demands. Tell your child that your parents will agree to your request only if you make a reasonable statement. There are too many cases of killing a child.
Secondly, let children experience frustration education from an early age.
Parents will not accompany their children for life. As parents, they usually let their children do some housework and study. When children encounter setbacks, let them learn to solve them by themselves. Parents should not do everything blindly, the method is wrong. Parents should guide their children more and communicate with them more, which will not only strengthen family ties, but also benefit their children.