I don't know how old I am, but I'm beginning to find that boys urinate differently from me. Why is it different but afraid to ask anyone? I have to rely on my own brain to make up for it, but there is actually no room for imagination, because I have no imagination at all.
⑴
When I was about seven or eight years old, the morning brother next door asked us to go to his house to play, and several of our playmates went together. Brother Chen is two years older than us. He gave us gouqi tea. The first time he drank it, he felt very good. He thought the way knew so much that people around him asked questions. But the way said he didn't understand, and said he would do an experiment with us.
Specifically, Brother Chen holds a dried platycodon grandiflorum in his hand, thin, about ten centimeters long, to test how deep the fundus is. He said he had tried, and he showed it to us with his finger, but he thought the depth of boys and girls should be different, so he wanted us to help him. When he said this, his expression was very serious. We all believed him, and he asked, does it hurt? He said, no pain, no pain. So we lined up to take off our pants and let him try. As a result, everyone is about the same depth. So the way came to the conclusion that boys and girls are all the same.
⑵
At that time, the courtyard walls between neighbors were all made of boards. In the summer vacation of the third grade of primary school, my parents went to work. I was afraid that I would go out and run around, so I locked the gate of the yard. Who knows, brother Qin next door let me go to his house to play.
I found his brother at home when I went. He is several years older than us, much taller than us and very strong. He never plays cards with us at ordinary times. I was not good at playing cards that day, so they taught me.
After playing a few rounds, when I looked down at the cards, his brother suddenly hugged me. I can't push it away, but I dare not make any noise. He may also be afraid of my noise, so he blocked my mouth with his mouth. He just hugged me and did nothing, but I still felt violated. I can feel the smell in his mouth. I closed my eyes and tried to push him away while escaping from reality. I tried my best until he was too strong.
Then he tried to put his tongue into my mouth, and I thought, absolutely not, just like being hugged and kissed is not a substantive violation, but if his tongue enters my mouth, he will completely lose himself. I kept my mouth shut and resisted like the last line of defense. Finally, he gave up, moved his mouth and let go.
I opened my eyes, and little Qin Ge was still looking at me! I rushed out of the house and ran home without saying anything. These two brothers are bad people! Did something bad to me! Never play with them again!
My mind was full of such thoughts, and I found my pants wet when I got home. I don't know if it was a scare or something. I dare not open the door after locking it. My heart is pounding when I think of what happened just now. When my parents came back from work, they were afraid to tell them and didn't know that I had been out. After dinner, I told my father that a board on the courtyard wall seemed loose, and my father went to nail it again.
When I sleep at night, I always think, is this a kiss? Does his brother like me? Will there be any change in me? The mood has also changed from anger, shyness and calmness to curiosity. But I am too timid to play with Qin Ge and others, and I have never been to his house again.
⑶
I had a strange dream one night.
After school, I walked and talked with my friends. At the fork in the road, I wanted to turn left and she wanted to turn right, but we didn't talk enough, so I offered to send her home.
When we arrived at her door, we still wanted to talk, so she said, then I'll send you a paragraph and we'll talk for a while.
In this way, we went back and forth, walked back and forth between my house and hers several times, and finally had to be separated because we had to go to school tomorrow.
At that fork in the road, I said goodbye to her. I was so sad that I didn't want to kiss her on the mouth. ...
I'm afraid of waking up. I can't believe I kissed someone on my own initiative. I am a classmate of the same sex and know him. Oh, my God!
⑷
It was very cold that winter, and my mother was afraid that my bed in the big house would be too cold, so she let me sleep on their kang. I didn't want to, so I moved the bed to their house and put it on the firewall, so I had to answer.
One night in the middle of the night, I was awakened by a sound, as if someone was fighting and someone was calling for help. I'm sleepy. I dare not touch or make a sound. After listening for a while, I was much more awake. I found no one walking around the room. I sat up in the dark, as if I saw a bulging quilt still moving on the kang. That's my mother's position. I said, mom, what's the matter?
No one answered me, but the quilt was flattened, and there was no sound of fighting and asking for help. I don't know why, but I feel like I did something wrong and interrupted something, but I don't know what it is and fell asleep again.
The next day, my parents didn't mention it. It can be seen from the position of the quilt that it is where my mother sleeps, but I dare not ask, and I always have a question in my heart. Why did my mother ask for help? She wasn't hurt this morning. Did they quarrel?
⑸
In junior high school, a male classmate chased me. He is tall, talkative and very popular with girls. Once he invited me to his house, we chatted and ate together, and then I went to the toilet. I was scared when I came back, because I saw a lot of bloody papers in his toilet, so I asked him, and he said it was his sister's fault. Why don't you understand? Girls all know! I looked puzzled, and he said, menstruation, haven't you come yet? !
He told me the difference between men and women, saying that I was blushing and my heart was beating, but I wanted to hear it. No one has ever told me about it, and I don't know that girls have to have their period. So I still haven't grown up?
He also said that the boy's things have anti-inflammatory and beauty effects, so let me help him with my hands. The first time I saw something in the underwear of the opposite sex, I didn't know whether it was shock, fear or disgust. I immediately stood up, hid far away, and then made a dash for the door. I ran away again. Later, when he came to see me again, I was afraid to be alone with him, for fear that he would ask me for help again. Later, he went after other lesbians, but I always wondered if he would ask other female classmates for help, too.
⑹
14 years old, I have my period. I stayed in the toilet for a long time and didn't want to come out. With so much blood, will I die? Will it always be like this? What if the pants are dirty? How do other female students handle it? Can I still go to school like this? There was no result in trying to break my head, so I had to come out and tell my mother in my room. Who knows, my mother said, it's okay, nothing will affect me. Here, take this and put it on your underwear.
I struggled for a long time, and she was so understated!
⑺
In the third grade, there are new courses, physical health. When the book was distributed, the class was super quiet and the atmosphere was a bit weird. When boys take books, they get together and whisper; Girls are all holding books and putting them in their schoolbags, then blushing and picking up other textbooks to read.
I am no exception. I didn't dare to look. I thought to myself, what should the teacher do when giving lectures? Can I skip class?
Who knows the teacher doesn't even give lessons! Throughout the semester, physical health classes are self-study classes. But the exam was an open-book exam, so I turned over the book, quickly found the answer and answered it casually. I haven't read this book since then.
No one mentioned it again between classmates, as if the school had never had a class and no one had studied it.
to be continued
Next issue: My first love