In recent years, some children and teenagers have been plagued by high IQ and low EQ. According to a survey on EQ conducted by East China Normal University, 78% of parents in China care about their children's EQ development. However, the survey results also show that parents are not very clear about the significance of EQ education.
How important is EQ? Can children's emotional intelligence really improve after receiving high-priced training? What role should parents play in the cultivation of children's emotional intelligence?
Some children are very disciplined.
Zhao (pseudonym) is a junior two student in a demonstration school in Haidian District, Beijing. He can be called a "schoolmaster" and is versatile. But what makes Zhao's mother anxious is that her son is impatient, perhaps because of adolescence. Recently, this situation has become more serious: when he encounters a little thing, his mood will be sunny and cloudy, and he will even lose his temper; No one is allowed to enter his room, even his grandmother who loves him. When mom and dad criticized a few words, his anger got worse and his family was depressed.
Zhao's mother said helplessly: "My son is taken care of by his family every day, but he doesn't feel happy and grateful. He doesn't want to pay attention to his family's situation and feelings, and he doesn't know how to empathize." Moreover, there is a' strawberry heart' that can't stand a little bump. "In fact, this is precisely the common problem of many children at present.
Campus violence, which happens from time to time, is also an extreme manifestation of low emotional intelligence of children and adolescents. 20 16 On the eve of the national postgraduate entrance examination in February, a freshman girl from a famous university in Beijing blew her hair in the public toilet at night 1 1, and her senior sister, who was reviewing in the neighboring dormitory, had a bitter quarrel, which aroused "public anger". One of the dormitory leaders came to the bathroom and poured a bottle of mineral water on the head of a junior girl who was blowing her hair. The seniors collectively denounced: "I have endured you for a long time!" There was a fierce quarrel between the two sides. After mediation by the school, it ended with an apology from both sides. It is understood that more than half of the students in the senior dormitory are party member, with excellent grades; The head of the dormitory is not only party member, but also a national scholarship winner. She also won some other honors and obtained the qualification of walking graduate students from a top university. Obviously, her behavior doesn't match her status and honor.
It should be said that the students who can be admitted to this university are one in a hundred academically. However, one party in the incident didn't know how to consider whether his behavior would affect others before doing something, while the other party didn't know or didn't want to solve the conflict with others through negotiation and replaced it with extreme behavior, which could not but show the lack of EQ education in their growth.
An EQ questionnaire with a sample size of 9,000 people made by psychologist Zhang Yijun shows that there are at least three problems in children's EQ: First, they are generally lacking in self-confidence, extremely arrogant, narrow-minded, withdrawn, timid and easily frustrated; Second, poor conflict management ability, lack of conflict resolution skills when conflicts occur, anxiety and depression; Third, emotional management ability is weak, poor endurance and irritability. In addition, there is a lack of collective consciousness, a lack of cooperation spirit, treating people with things, and a lack of basic etiquette norms in words and deeds. It also belongs to the category of low emotional intelligence.
Is it reliable to let children participate in emotional intelligence training?
The phenomenon of high IQ and low EQ among children and adolescents is indeed an unavoidable problem for parents and society. Some psychologists believe that a person's acquired development level, such as career achievement or happiness index, is determined by 80% emotional intelligence and 20% hard intelligence. Some people even put forward the view that "EQ can determine the fate of life more than IQ". Perhaps because of this, more and more parents begin to pay attention to the cultivation of their children's emotional intelligence.
The reporter of China Women's Daily and China Women's Network searched Baidu for "EQ training" and found that the EQ training courses for children are also on the rise, not only in Shanghai, but also in Nanjing and Shenyang. Among them, an EQ training institution has set up more than 140 branches in more than 50 cities across the country, covering Beijing, Shanghai, Wuhan and Shenzhen.
Ms. Tian's daughter is 6 years old this year. She told reporters that her daughter used to be shy and didn't like to talk. She is a little withdrawn and her family is very anxious. After a period of emotional intelligence training, children are much more cheerful, their expressive ability is stronger than before, and they get along with friends more generously, with good results.
Talking about the changes of her 5-year-old son after attending EQ training, Ms. Song Qiuyang said that her son seems to be more sensible than before. Before Christmas, my son stared at the remote control car running around the toy counter in the store for a long time and suddenly said to her, "Mom has a hard time making money. I don't want a big car. " Then she took her hand and left. This surprised her, because in the past, her son would not stop buying toys. But Ms. Zheng is also worried that if this continues, will her son develop into a "little adult" and lose the innocence that children should have?
Some parents have similar concerns. After they tried the EQ training class with their children, they decided to give up. When Lin Feng saw her son playing the role of father in EQ class and instructing another child how to talk about hygiene, she suddenly felt like she was "putting on a show". "Like an armchair strategist, the simulated scenes and characters in the classroom may not be met by children in reality, but the real problems may not be handled according to the learned methods, which will increase the burden on children in class." LAM Raymond said.
It is understood that the EQ training class allows children to feel and experience in a specific simulation environment by setting up scenes. The purpose is to let children learn how to control their emotions, not vent at will, enhance their ability to resist stress, learn teamwork, learn to communicate with friends, cultivate empathy and love, and let children know how to deal with similar situations in their later lives.
In the interview, the reporter found that many parents said that EQ classes were expensive and unbearable for ordinary families. At the same time, the weekly curriculum is somewhat conceptual, and it is unrealistic to achieve the above goals only through dozens of classes.
Family education is the key to cultivate children's emotional intelligence.
Decades ago, UNESCO listed "learning to be a man", "learning to do things", "learning to live together" and "learning to seek knowledge" as the four pillars of education in 2 1 century. However, due to various reasons, especially the pressure of exam-oriented education, many parents often pay one-sided attention to "learning and seeking knowledge" and focus on how to improve their children's grades, often ignoring the guidance and education of their children in dealing with people. In the long run, children's personality development is not perfect.
Through intensive training, in fact, it can not fundamentally make up for the lack of emotional intelligence education for children.
Emotional quotient (EQ) is formed in infancy, childhood and adolescence, and is mainly cultivated in acquired interpersonal communication. At present, academic circles tend to define it as "social emotional ability", that is, a person's ability to identify, manage and control emotions, self-evaluation, interpersonal communication and integration into the collective. The improvement of children's ability is a "systematic project", which should not only "start with dolls" but also "moisten things silently". So training can only play a certain role, and it is difficult to play a decisive role. Whether children can cultivate good emotional control and social skills depends largely on their parents.
Imagine that if parents have a bad temper, they don't consider the feelings of others and are self-centered; Or the family education is not in place, and the children are used to being "little emperors" and "little princesses". Compared with parents' long-term bad example and unscientific family education, the effect of children's EQ training class is not obvious, or it is difficult to maintain it for a long time although it is effective.
Admittedly, children may learn some skills in the EQ training class, but the cultivation of EQ is a subtle process, and it is impossible to shape any character and concept overnight. Parents have a profound education and influence on their children in this respect. If family education is in place, EQ class is the icing on the cake. However, if parents' EQ is low, they spoil or get used to the stick education of "tiger mother and wolf father", then the EQ class may not be able to achieve the purpose of "giving timely help in the snow" no matter how expensive it is. In the final analysis, EQ class can only be a supplement to EQ education for teenagers.
The "main battlefield" of EQ education is still at home.
Educate children with feelings and beliefs from an early age and cultivate their emotions, including the ability to appreciate nature, understand humanistic spirit and think critically; Cultivating children's love ability and basic norms in life is not only the content of emotional intelligence education, but also the important content of family education.
By reading fairy tales and good children's literature, children can feel truth, goodness and beauty, have more emotion, love and courage, stick to their own beliefs, be kind to themselves, be kind to the world, believe in beauty and have hope.
Maintaining a good parent-child relationship helps to improve children's emotional intelligence. Therefore, parents should communicate with their children more, let them grow up, let them make their own choices, and frustrate them appropriately. Chat with children at ordinary times, so as to "ask actively" and "listen patiently", so that children can fully express their negative emotions and teach them to deal with their feelings before dealing with things.
Life is education. Good family education and parents' words and deeds will lay a solid emotional intelligence foundation for children. Parents have good emotional self-control, know how to be considerate of others, be good at communicating with others, and have self-cultivation. Children will learn the correct way to relieve their emotions by imitating their parents' communication style, communication style, words and deeds, and they will certainly perform well in these aspects. In short, in the cultivation of emotional intelligence, parents can do well and children can do well.