? Problems in Family Education: Threatening Children
Typical: often say:? I don't like you if you don't do as I say. ?
Parents' thoughts: Why don't children listen to us? Adults are all for their own good, so in this case, especially mothers make themselves think they are? Black weapon? Tip:? Mom doesn't like you anymore. ?
Psychologist: Vowing not to like your beloved baby is the most severe way of discipline, and it is also a threat that doesn't work in practice. Children are very spiritual and will think this threat is false. Moreover, once children are deceived by adults, the shadow of distrust will persist for a long time, and parents will become liars in their minds. So, we should put it another way:? Mom likes you, but she doesn't like your behavior now. ?
Let the children go.
Typical: children can do whatever they want, regardless.
Parents' thoughts: Why are you so nervous about your children? Children should learn to solve their own problems. Sooner or later, they will live adult lives, so let them be independent as soon as possible!
Psychologist: Don't let children feel that you don't care about their behavior at any time. As soon as they find your indifferent attitude, they will come to verify whether it is true or not. So I began to imitate bad behavior to see if it would attract criticism. This kind of consequence is very bad. The correct way is to abandon this indifferent attitude and establish a friendly relationship with children even if they are not satisfied with their behavior. In this case, it is more appropriate to tell the children that our opinions on this issue are diametrically opposed. But I want to help you, because I like you. Whenever you need help, you can come to me for advice. ?
Excessively harsh
Typical: I'm the boss at home. You should have listened to me.
Parents' idea: children should listen to adults unconditionally, thinking that this is the most important principle in education and also a problem that does not need to be discussed. No matter how old children are, they should not indulge, otherwise they will do whatever they want to adults.
Psychologist: Too strict discipline is often difficult for children to understand and accept. The key is to let children understand the reasons for adults' demands. Otherwise, there will be adults who obey the rules and turn their faces when they turn around. The correct way is to establish the concept that trust is better than harshness, and you can say this to your child when necessary. You do as I say now, and we'll find time in the evening, and then we can discuss why we should do this calmly. ?
Spoil a child
Typical: The child is too young to do it. I will help him.
Parents' idea: children deserve the best. Childhood is short, so it should be beautiful. Childhood should not be full of moral preaching, failure and dissatisfaction. We should try our best to get children out of trouble and unhappiness. Therefore, adults are so willing to guess and satisfy all the wishes of children.
Psychologist: It is difficult for a spoiled child to adapt to life. Children who are regarded as the apple of their parents' eye will have a series of problems in their future life. Although parents have done everything for their children, the children are not happy. On the contrary, children will feel isolated. It is wise to say to the children:? Try to do it yourself. If you can't do it well, we are happy to help you. ?
Don't give your baby a chance to be independent.
Typical practice: My baby will always be my good friend.
Parents' thoughts: Children are the main part of our lives. He is smart enough to talk to him about everything. He can understand us like adults.
Psychologist: Children can do anything to please their parents, because parents are the closest people in the world, so the little guy can even give up the fun of playing with his peers and devote himself to the complex adult world. So their own problems can never be solved.
Only care about money
Typical practice: The more money you invest, the better your education will be.
Parents' idea: Because of our poor financial situation, we have no ability to love our children, and we have to refuse their requests often, even if they are wearing old clothes. In a word, it seems that as long as we have more money, we can be happy parents.
Psychologist: Love can't be bought by money. It sounds like a cliche, but it's true. Adults in high-income families try their best to satisfy all the wishes of their children, but low-income parents don't have to feel guilty because they can't satisfy all the wishes of their children. In fact, for children, warmth, care, playing together and communicating with each other are more important than a bulging wallet. What needs to be clarified is that it is not money that makes children happy, but that they feel that they are the most important to you.
Expect the son to succeed and the daughter to succeed.
Typical practice: My child will learn music (or play tennis or draw pictures) in the future, and I can't let him miss these opportunities.
Parents' thoughts: Many people in our generation fantasized about dancing ballet, playing the piano or playing tennis when they were young, but they didn't have the chance. Since there are conditions, we should let them receive the best education. It doesn't matter whether children like it or not nowadays. When they grow up, they will understand the original intention of adults' efforts.
Psychologist: Unfortunately, children don't necessarily understand their parents' good intentions. The bright future outlined by adults in their own imagination is often broken by children's resistance. Children can still listen to adults when they are young. When they grow up, they will have the desire and protest to break through their parents' emotional cage, and even make a scene. Wise parents should set aside time for their children to deal with their own affairs while giving them necessary and useful homework.
Lack of warmth
Typical practice: affectionate things like kissing don't seem so important to children.
Parents' thoughts: caressing, hugging and kissing children is neither time nor necessary. I even worry that the warmth of childhood will affect the sexual orientation of children when they grow up. Advocating no hugs and kisses, there are more practical and serious things to do.
Psychologist: Children of different ages are eager for warmth, which helps them realize that they are concerned and enhance their self-confidence. But pay attention to discretion and occasion. Excessive love may scare away children.
Be influenced by emotions
Typical practice: look at the mood.
Parents' thoughts: Parents may vent their emotions on their children at any time because of the unsatisfactory relationship between work and family, thinking that it doesn't matter, as long as they invite their children to eat a meal or buy them a toy that they have promised for a long time, it will be enough to make them happy.
Psychologist: Parents should let their children know that parents will be happy for their children's good behavior and disappointed for their children's bad behavior, which will help children establish firm life values. Adults are influenced by emotions out of selfishness, allowing this today and not allowing it tomorrow will give the child an illusion that everything he does is wrong, but the parents' emotions are the key. If you can't change out-of-control habits, you should say hello to your child in advance. When I am in a good mood, you can't do whatever you want; Please forgive me when I am in a bad mood. ?
There is too little time for parent-child communication.
Typical practice: Sorry, mom doesn't have enough time to play with you.
Parents' idea: We have a heavy task, the children have to pick up and drop off, and we have to cook, wash clothes and buy all kinds of necessities when we go home. How can I have time to play and study with my children?
Psychologist: Adults often forget a simple truth. Now that the children are born, we should make time for them. If children often hear that their parents have no time to take care of themselves, emotional transfer will naturally occur. Busy parents are advised to spare half an hour as much as possible, even at night, sitting on their children's beds, talking with their children, telling a story or reading a book. The length of communication with children is not important in itself, but the quality of communication itself.