2. Integration with children
When other people's situation is integrated with ours, we will feel good and accept other people's views more easily, otherwise we will be disgusted.
For example, when we adults answer the phone, we will be disgusted with the courses that are promoted. Whether you answer it or not, after saying hello, there will be a long list of promotional content immediately. Course salespeople are completely in their own situation at this time, regardless of other people's situation.
Some parents don't realize that their children's situation is not exactly the same as their parents'. For example, there is a kind of cold that mom thinks you are cold. Whether the child feels cold or not, as long as the mother thinks you are cold, you must put on long pants. This is what happens when a mother doesn't integrate with her children.
The mother of a sixth-grade child is very upset. Why didn't the child listen to her? I asked about the specific situation. It turned out that when she persuaded the child, she still treated the child as a three-year-old child and called the child a baby when she spoke ... She didn't realize that the child was already an adult psychologically. When a mother persuades a child, she has to raise the child in her own capacity, so that she can integrate into the child's situation and communicate with the child more easily.
3. Extremely great
What if the child is crying and rolling on the ground and the father rolls like a child? Some time ago, I saw such news. As soon as the father learned from the child, the child stopped immediately. Some people praised the father for his good methods. From the deep situation, many people think that dad is integrated into the child's situation.
Actually, not necessarily.
Children's expected adult status must be higher than their own, so that children will feel safe. Now, when the father lowers himself to the same position as the child, it will make the child panic. If the father acts like this several times, the child will treat his father as a child, which will put the cart before the horse and make the child prone to problems.
Crying is a way to control the situation, but it is negative and can't help children grow up. When the child is crying, it is easy for parents to stand the child's crying, either coaxing or scolding, and making all kinds of behaviors that undermine the child's situation, which is counterproductive.
When a child cries, it is best not to blame, not to interfere, and to act relaxed and natural. If you want to talk about children, you should also tell them that you can cry, but you can't control the situation by crying. You should draw a clear line for children. Calm down a little, and then discuss the disadvantages of this practice with your child and how to deal with the problem next time.
Prevent in advance and guide children to the right path.
Many of us modern people are like the ancients. If we wake up in the morning and hear crows crowing twice, we will immediately feel that today may be unlucky. If we choke ourselves with a mouthful of water and stumble, we may not know how many bad things will happen next. In fact, some people are so unlucky. Why? This is a psychological hint to the self.
There are never too many ways to guide children, and prevention in advance is essential. When children go out to play, parents are afraid that their children will have conflicts with other children. If there are contradictions, they will say that they are fair and reasonable. Parents say that the child is their own, which may cause resentment. If you don't say it, you can't educate your children. We can let children play with other children smoothly through psychological suggestion, or reduce uncontrollable scenes.
However, we must pay attention in advance and not lead our children in a negative direction, which is a common mistake made by parents. Many parents will tell their children to play with other children when they take them out to play. Don't quarrel, don't fight! This is obviously a hint that the child is going to fight!
Therefore, we should plan ahead, which must be reflected in the usual quiet things, and don't wait until the problem happens to think about solving it. In daily life, we pay attention to teaching children manners and rules, honoring parents at home, taking care of the young and respecting the elderly. Going out to play is also to teach children to combine their own needs and observe the needs of others to form a "we" and a team. In this way, children will gradually have a sense of team and naturally integrate into the team.
Therefore, it is a positive psychological suggestion to remind children what rules to follow before they go out.
03 reduce the sense of control
Everyone tries to control their situation. If the child's situation is controlled by his parents, he will resent you. Over time, he may control his parents in various ways, or he may have problems because he is out of control.
There is a child who doesn't study very well, and his parents enroll him in various remedial classes. When children don't want to learn, parents force their children to learn, which makes them more tired of learning, but mom and dad don't give up and continue to force their children to learn. Later, the child simply lay at home and didn't go out. Because only lying at home can control your own situation.
How to reduce children's sense of being controlled? The situation can be divided into active and passive. When someone takes the initiative, someone needs to be passive. If two people take the initiative, it must be a thorn in the side, and both sides lose. In a family, children are the main force of learning, not parents. Parents should establish a good family culture, do passive work and cooperate with active children instead of putting the cart before the horse.
Conclusion:
There is nothing wrong with parents. They all want their children to grow sturdily. How can children survive without the help of their parents? How to study? How to grow? But the real problem is that many children dislike their parents' education. What shall we do from these aspects:
First, keep the integrity of the child's situation.
Second, prevent in advance and guide children to grow up actively.
Third, reduce children's sense of being controlled.