Let's talk about overcoming lewdness first. I don't know what kind of lewdness you mean by "I gave up lewdness, and then I couldn't control it". Every time I control it for a while and then start over. " First of all, if it is normal physiological activities, psychological activities, and the desire to see colors (especially the colors of the opposite sex), it is a normal reflection, and it is a habit caused by ignorance in my previous life. As long as the idea is not realized, it is not a "career" and there are no consequences of doing nothing. The key to abstinence is bad words. Abnormal heterosexual relationships and life behaviors are crimes. Family life and husband and wife life are also normal. What we need is not greed. Therefore, I believe that as long as I cut off the temptation of greed, anger, stupidity, slowness and doubt, I will get better gradually, but if I stop thinking about my behavior often and live a casual life, my old career will come to you again. The accumulated habits caused by ignorance and troubles, as well as the karma caused by behaviors that were not as good as living in Buddhism in the past, are the benefits of karma. Everything needs fate in addition to a cause, and it will bear fruit. We learn Buddhism in order to understand our previous mistakes and greed, and always remind ourselves to change our accumulated habits, which will gradually reduce the influence of our accumulated habits and gradually reduce our wrong behaviors and ideas.
Let's talk about whether learning Buddhism will learn indifference. Buddhism is compassionate. Compassion means caring for and respecting others, especially your parents and relatives. After all, they brought great hardships and tiredness, which made you grow, think and do things. How can you not repay your kindness? Therefore, it is necessary to be convenient, guarded, knowledgeable and upright. For other leaders, colleagues, relatives, neighbors and even passers-by, we should also give warm help and put the compassion and wisdom of Buddhism into our lives. This is the significance of learning Buddhism, which is much more difficult to do than releasing it, but much more valuable, because we can contact others ourselves, and we can take our compassion and love and the five precepts and ten good deeds as an example to let more people see the consequences of learning Buddhism. "Fa Sentence Jing" "Everything is the world, it is the most auspicious to make great contributions, cultivate benevolence and settle all beings."
How can you live without understanding the true meaning of Buddhism and eliminating your karma? Where can we go? With all kinds of psychology, such as greed, jealousy, escape, fear, etc., the old business is still unsuccessful, and a new business is born, but it is just a return to reincarnation. What about liberation? It may be wrong thinking to live and study with all kinds of mentality of leaving this world. Therefore, human life is the Dojo for us to realize self-liberation, and the existence of society is the Dojo for us to realize self-consciousness. The so-called meaningless liberation is a waste of one's life, and the so-called return is worthless. Your family needs the real you more than the people you remember and miss, so wouldn't it hurt if you spend your whole life increasing their lonely time? Whether parents, relatives and friends "understand the true interests of Buddhism" depends on your own behavior.
I think, with your current thinking and behavior, there will be no more merits, and your kindness may not have cultivated good deeds and good results, so continue to study and practice.