However, praise is a science. Proper praise can make children more and more confident, while improper praise can also make children feel more and more inferior, and finally can't see the future.
Venus's advice: this kind of "poison praise" will harm the baby, be careful that they have no future.
Looking back at the video of Venus talk show on the Internet the other day, I came across a short story shared by Venus.
Venus has a professor friend. The professor's parenting philosophy is that praise makes people progress.
So, he said to his children every day:
"You are the best!"
When I first heard this sentence, the child felt very happy and full of confidence, but every day when I heard similar words, this confidence turned into complacency, and he began to become arrogant!
Until one time, a child took part in a calligraphy competition. He thought he would win the first prize. After the results were announced, he found that he didn't even rank.
"They really write better than you."
Every word of the teacher is like a steel needle inserted into his chest, which makes him heartbroken and unable to breathe. He couldn't stand being inferior to others, so he rushed to the podium and tore up all the winning works, then shouted:
"You are unfair! My mother said, I am the best! How can it not be the first place! "
Venus pointed out that her friend, a professor, felt very regretful after learning about her child's behavior at the award ceremony. Why do children become unable to accept failure?
The reason comes from "you are the best"! Many parents often say this!
Children are eager for praise from their parents and teachers, which will help them build up self-confidence and self-esteem, but when this kind of praise is inappropriate, it may also ruin their future.
There is a poisonous compliment called "You are the best". The more parents praise their children, the more vulnerable they are. no need to say any more
Praise is a kind of credit. "You are the best" is too absolute, which will bring complacency to children. At the same time, there are three praise methods that are not suitable for children.
1) Praise everything
For example, it is unusual for a child to help his mother with housework on the first day, and parents can praise it appropriately.
After the children finish their housework, they go to do their homework. This is the task assigned by the teacher, and the child must complete it. So should parents praise him?
At this time, there is no need for parents to praise, which is something that children must complete. If parents praise, they will have an illusion that homework is not something that must be done. If parents don't praise you, you don't need to do it yourself.
It can be seen that parents can't praise everything their children do, which will lead children to only care about their own ideas.
2) Step on one and get a compliment.
Sometimes, many parents hide dry goods when praising their children!
For example, Xiaomei's father recently discovered that Xiaomei's mother often walks around with Lao Wang next door and is unhappy. After the final exam results came out, Xiaomei ranked in the top five in the class, while the children of Lao Wang next door were in the bottom ten in the class.
Xiaomei's father praised:
"My daughter is great, much better than Xiao Wang next door!"
This kind of praise will also lead to the deformation of children's personality, may become fond of belittling other students, and may also have the psychology of comparing with others, which will affect their growth.
3) perfunctory praise
In life, many parents are immersed in doing their own things and don't pay attention to education, which also leads children to perfunctory when they need their parents.
For example, if a child sings a song and wants to ask his parents' opinions, they can only say "it's really nice". Children ask which one looks good, but parents can't say it, they can only say "all look good"!
Children are just immature, not stupid, and will not turn a blind eye to the perfunctory things of their parents.
How do parents praise correctly? The other way is more scientific.
The above three praise methods are unreasonable, but the parents' praise is too absolute, such as "you are the best" and "you are the pride of your mother", which sounds disgusting. Isn't that cheating on children and themselves?
Therefore, parents may wish to change the compliment vocabulary, which may be more useful!
Son, you have made progress in this exam. You must work hard at school. Mom is proud of you!
This sentence is not simply praise, but also points out that the reason for children's progress is "their own efforts", so that children will not be conceited, so as to continue to study hard and win praise from parents.
You are an honest boy. My mother believes that you will do your homework on time.
Some children like to watch TV before doing their homework, but after the appointed time, they may still be motionless.
At this time, it is meaningless for parents and children to "make three chapters". Praise and encourage children from a positive perspective, so that children will not only be happy after listening, but also feel that their practices are problematic.
It can be seen that parents' praise must be concrete, not exaggerated and perfunctory, so that children will turn praise into motivation!
Many psychologists have said that what people want most is praise from others, but this kind of praise is also a "double-edged sword". Parents praise well, children make great progress, parents praise badly, and children get worse and worse. Be careful to exaggerate and lose your future!
Today's topic: How do you praise children?