Whether a person has social interest can be judged from three points: whether he has the habit of cooperation, whether he has the habit of giving, and whether he has the habit of understanding and sympathizing with other people's thoughts, feelings and experiences.
First, what is "selling badly"
I heard a small speech the other day, but it was actually a person telling his story to a group of people. His whole speech can be summed up in one sentence: I am awesome and I am bitter, but there are so many people who are unwilling to help me and the society is against me.
In fact, these people are stupid.
From this kind of person's conversation, you can obviously feel that his social interest is seriously insufficient, and he also tells us: what kind of results will a person's lack of social interest lead to. He will continue to get into trouble in his life and career, and he doesn't know the reason for this dilemma. Of course, he will find a reason for himself, and this reason is five words-the reason of others.
Second, have you ever seen a "spiritual beggar"?
We can also call it a "spiritual beggar", which is a mental state caused by insufficient and imperfect social interests. Still don't build such a healthy inequality in your life, so that you pay more than you get.
In the workplace, we often meet such spiritual beggars. He has many symptoms, for example, if the leader doesn't communicate with me, I won't communicate with the leader; If the leader doesn't approve of me, I can't do it well; I can't do well unless the leader encourages me; I am unhappy because the leader will not coax me; It is someone else's fault that the task can't be completed; Do something wrong and hope that everyone will not make a mountain out of a molehill; Do not make progress, complain about the bad atmosphere of the company and so on. Behind this symptom, there is an inequality in the mental model of the spiritual beggar, that is, he always hopes that what he gets is greater than what he pays.
Third, the essence of "warm man"
Two years ago, a word was popular called "warm man". The so-called warm man is a person who gives warmth to others. If it is academic, it is the kind of person who can continuously generate thermal radiation. On the contrary, the so-called spiritual beggars are those who constantly produce cold radiation.
What is cold radiation? A simple example, winter, winter in the north, if you are a single-story window, you can feel a chill when you stand in front of this window. This chill is cold radiation.
As we said yesterday, a person's impression of another person can often be felt within110 seconds, or the gas field emitted by a person can be felt by others within110 seconds.
If a person has cultivated a social interest since childhood, we can say that he has a childlike innocence. People with this childlike innocence are people who can form social interests from an early age.
Fourth, the economic differences of families with many children.
In families with many children, people who often reach out for help are often people with poor economic conditions. On the surface, he asked for it because of his poor financial situation. In fact, his financial situation is not good because he often has to. In other words, he lacks the desire and ability to cooperate, give and empathize, which makes him a cold radiation person, or a person who devours energy. His mental mode and behavior mode made him fall into a dilemma that he didn't realize at all and caused by himself.
On the contrary, in families with many children, people who often help their brothers and sisters are often the richest. We can't reverse the causal relationship here, not because he is rich and he will help others, but because he has a habit and the ability to radiate energy, so he has become a warm man in a broad sense, a man with the ability to radiate heat, or a boy with social interests.
When we educate our children, we may add many cognitive skills. But I just forgot that such a non-cognitive skill is the decisive factor of a person's personal happiness and career achievement, that is, social interest.
Then everyone will definitely ask, how can we cultivate this social interest? First of all, the first point is to realize that this is a very important but often overlooked ability. If there is a deficiency at this point, it is a structural and basic deficiency, and the harm it causes is far greater than our imagination.
We say that social interest is a non-cognitive skill. When we say this, we are actually talking about a kind of cognition, a new cognition about social interaction. With this knowledge, we will consciously cultivate this ability. This is actually a kind of mental modeling. The core of this model is the inequality we mentioned earlier, and we will always pay more than our income.
5. What Einstein, Fan Zhongyan and Zeng Guofan have in common
I have quoted Einstein many times, and he mentioned it in a letter.
Einstein said: "I remind myself hundreds of times every day that my spiritual life and material life depend on the labor of others, including the living and the dead." I must try my best to repay what I get and still get the same weight. "
Einstein's sentence is actually that inequality.
This concept is not unique to the west. In the history of China, there was a great politician, strategist and writer named Fan Zhongyan. When we were in middle school, we read his article "The Story of Yueyang Tower", "Worry about the world first, and enjoy it later". In fact, his sentence also implies inequality. However, he expressed this inequality more clearly in one sentence.
Fan Zhongyan said: "I sleep at night, that is, I plan my food and drink expenses for a day and do something." If the price I pay is commensurate with what I have done, I will snore and sleep. " Otherwise, you won't be able to sleep at night, and tomorrow you will ask for what you say. "
In other words, when he goes to bed every night, he has to calculate an account, that is, whether what he gets is symmetrical with what he does. If it is symmetrical, he will fall asleep and sleep soundly. If he finds asymmetry, he will not sleep well all night, thinking that he must make his behavior commensurate with his income tomorrow. This can be said to be China's version of Einstein.
In fact, many people in China have expressed such an inequality in life.
Zeng Guofan said: "Every time I meet a blessing, I often think that Heaven is too thick for me."
Every time I meet something lucky, I always feel that God is too kind to me. Behind this sentence is of course inequality.
Summary: the basic skills of life
When parents educate their children, if they consciously let their children establish such inequality from the beginning, they are actually doing a great project. That is to establish a good gas field, which can ensure that he will have a good gas field in the future, or generate thermal radiation, which people can feel instantly. As for what kind of cognitive ability he has, that is the second.
On the other hand, he has various cognitive skills. Because he lacks this, he will become a cold radiation person in the future. A person who automatically rejects others will automatically reject him, and he will be blacked out everywhere unconsciously. Whether it is the happiness of his personal life or the happiness of his career, it will be constantly consumed and damaged.
This is the basic skill of life and the most important achievement of a person.