"Don't talk to me, I don't want to be your son!"
When my son, who was still in primary school, shouted at me angrily, I was completely cheated.
Unexpectedly, I made every effort to prepare three meals a day for him, send him to and from school rain or shine, and help him with his homework day and night. ...
I threw my mother's heart at him, but it was him, my own son, who stared at me.
At that moment, I collapsed.
I can't help but reflect and feel that I am really a failed mother.
After reflection, I decided to write these words to remind every mother who is at a loss and inexperienced like me.
Educating children is a practice of making mistakes and regretting them, but it will never come back.
On the road of raising children, I stepped on many pits, and now I have many regrets.
If I can raise my child again, I will not make the following mistake and push my child further and further.
If I can raise my children again, I will never replace communication with anger.
I believe every mother loses her temper with her children sometimes.
I am no exception.
My son can give full play to "idleness" every time he does his homework;
Write two words and you will touch the east and touch the west. Do two questions, drink water for a while and pee for a while. You can't be quiet for a quarter of an hour
Once after dinner, I always accompanied him to do his homework. He didn't finish the math problem on that page until 9 pm.
A closer look shows that four or five of the seven or eight final calculation problems are wrong.
At that time, anger came up.
"How did I give birth to a fool like you? Isn't 33+ 17 and 17+33 the same? How can you write one equal to 50 and one equal to 49? " "Where is your brain? You can't do such a simple topic! "
After being yelled at by me, my son was obviously a little scared and tears rolled in his eyes. Finally, he couldn't hold back and began to cry loudly.
Later, when I did my homework, I obviously felt his hesitation in filling in the answers.
Look at your face secretly every time you write. Sometimes the correct answer written will be erased repeatedly and finally become the wrong answer.
I suddenly realized:
My yelling at him not only didn't play a positive role, but also hit his little self-confidence, making him timid and afraid to write at will.
Later, I chatted with my best friend who studied psychology, only to know:
Shouting is also a kind of verbal violence.
High decibel sound, like a bomb, makes children extremely lack of psychological security.
I thought everything I did was for the good of my child, but I didn't know that my growling was actually attacking my child with negative emotions, which kept him in anxiety and fear.
We always think that hitting a child is hurting the child, but we don't know that language damage will also leave a bottomless scar in the child's heart.
If I can raise my children again, I will never replace communication with anger.
Because now I finally understand:
Stormy shouting will only make children close their hearts; Gentleness like spring breeze and rain can really penetrate into children's hearts.
If I can raise my children again, I will never reward them with money again.
Many parents will tell their children how much I will reward you as long as you get good grades and get the first place in the exam, so as to motivate them.
I always do this because it works quickly.
It's much more useful than telling him the truth and urging him again and again after the child's ass.
In the last final exam, I promised my son that as long as he got more than 80 points in Chinese and math this time, I would give him a big red envelope.
When the final score came out, my son just met the requirements.
For this reason, I was once complacent and thought that the method of rewarding with money was really practical.
Until a few days ago, I was infected with rotavirus, vomiting and diarrhea, and I collapsed and couldn't get out of bed.
I called my son and wanted him to take my medicine.
But at a very young age, children will talk to me about this time:
"Mom, I'll get your medicine. When you are ready, reward me with a Transformers. Many students in the class have it. "
At that moment, I was cold from head to toe.
Mother can't afford to get out of bed, but her son is preoccupied with how to get rewards from her.
I regret it very much Why do you always educate him with rewards? Now he has developed a bad habit of only recognizing money and not recognizing people.
Paternity is not a business transaction. Once overused, this educational method of exchanging money for rewards will seriously affect children's values.
Over time, even the mutual help and care between relatives has become a bargaining chip in the eyes of children, which is the most terrible and endless future trouble.
It's a pity that I understand this truth now.
Looking at this familiar but seemingly unfamiliar child in front of me, I can't help feeling annoyed and sorry.
If I can raise my children again, I will not use money to motivate them, but implant love and a correct view of money into their hearts.
And tell him, "money can't buy everything you want, such as happiness, such as feelings."
If I can raise my children again, I will never turn a deaf ear to what they say again.
Recently, my son has become more and more rebellious. No matter what I say, he likes to play against me, and his relationship with me is getting more and more distant.
Several times, I had a good talk with him and tried to get close to him, but he looked unwilling to talk to me.
I used to feel particularly wronged and depressed.
The husband said, "That's because you never listen to your children!" " "
I just realized that I haven't talked to my son for a long time, and I haven't listened to his heart.
On the contrary, my husband goes to his son's small room to chat with him every night before going to bed.
When I was a child, every time he came home from school happily, he would shout "Mom, Mom" as soon as he entered the door, and he couldn't wait to share everything that happened at school with me.
But I only care about the busy family dinner in the kitchen and casually perfunctory him:
"Let's talk about it later. Wash your hands and eat quickly! "
My son and I both know that there will be no follow-up to this matter.
On one occasion, my son came home from school depressed and talked to his family.
I know he is unhappy, but I only care about educating him. Don't frown at home. I never thought to ask him what happened at school and why he was unhappy.
Looking back now, I suddenly realize how completely I neglected my son.
What I didn't let him finish, what I ignored again and again, and what I listened to one ear after another, were actually the children's dependence and love for me, and I lost myself.
As a mother, I have been hurting my favorite son unconsciously.
Unfortunately, today I realized:
I often blame my children for disobedience, but I never reflect. I have never heard what he said.
When it comes to parenting, I've always been a hothead.
Often, I can't wait to say a lot before the children speak here.
So, gradually, the children also learned to be silent and stop talking.
There is a word in psychology called "existential anxiety", which means that when parents are indifferent and perfunctory no matter what their children say or do, children will feel that they have no sense of existence and are not loved.
In fact, every child is willing to talk to his mother and listen to her at the beginning.
Unfortunately, we always make the same mistake by accident: forgetting to listen to the children.
"The Road Few People Walk" says: "Listening is focusing on each other, which is a concrete manifestation of love."
If I could do it all over again, I would never turn a deaf ear to my children's words again.
Because I finally understand that in order to make children obedient, parents must first learn to listen to their children.
There is a saying in the CCTV family education documentary Mirror:
"Every child is born with a blank sheet of paper, and parents are the people who draw pictures. The key to what the white paper becomes is parents. "
There is no denying that raising a child is really not easy.
For the sake of our children, we have made countless efforts and time, hoping that he can become a person with sound personality and achievements.
No parent will not love their children, but many times, our distorted view of love, the lack of love ability and the wrong way of love will abruptly turn our love for children into irreparable harm.
Every child grows up only once, and education cannot be taken back.
Parents really don't need exams, but as parents, we can never stop reflecting and learning.
Compared with perfect parents, a parent who knows how to keep the same frequency with his children in introspection and study is a blessing for his children's life.
In the first half of life, we accompanied our children through thick and thin;
In the second half of my life, I hope every child can win the flag and be safe.
May every parent leave no regrets.