Topic of this issue: Principles of Family Education (2)-Don't do everything yourself.
Everything that children encounter in their study and life is the soil for their children to grow up. The arrangement of parents is to remove the soil for their children to grow up. No matter how good seeds and seedlings are, how can they grow on barren land? If parents do everything for their children, they will become a cripple when they grow up. This passage is too incisive As the father of a 2-year-old baby, I deeply realize that the soil where children grow up is really everywhere. When we can't resist anything, there is less and less soil.
1, arranged will make children lose interest in life and study.
For example, things like eating and dressing never come to meetings, and children are full of interest and sense of accomplishment. This kind of interest and sense of accomplishment can only come from the process that children do themselves. Parents arrange and give the results directly, depriving children of the process of experience and enjoyment.
2. Arrangements will make children's self-management ability unable to fully develop.
Children can get up on time by themselves, which is self-management of time; Being able to finish homework independently is the self-management of learning; Being able to dress, wash your face and clean your room by yourself is the self-management of life. Finishing is the biggest enemy for children to form self-management.
3, arranged will affect the child's physical development.
Children wash their faces, eat, walk, dress, fold quilts and so on. These daily behaviors, especially children aged 3-6, are opportunities to practice physical coordination.
Parents' arrangement is really pushing children into the abyss step by step!
1, no meals are arranged.
From the age of one, parents can use spoons to demonstrate that children can eat their own tables. If you don't feed and chase the child with your rice bowl, you will only end up as a "chubby child" or "bean sprout"!
Don't prepare all kinds of snacks for children to eat casually, and children will lose their appetite after eating them; After children go to school, considering that other children eat snacks between classes, they can give little pocket money, buy some snacks, or bring few snacks directly.
Don't get up, don't wear clothes, don't wash your face and brush your teeth.
When children go to kindergarten, especially after primary school, getting up becomes a big problem. Either you can't get up at night or you get up too slowly. If parents tell their children to get up, get dressed, wash their faces and brush their teeth, eat breakfast in a hurry and pack their schoolbags, they will be exhausted every day.
What should we do to have a formal conversation with children on the basis of equality, sincerity and trust? By combing the process of getting up, let children realize that getting up and so on is their own business, strengthen their responsibility to themselves, and establish the confidence that children can do it. Children's behavior will naturally change after they have the master's consciousness.
If the child does it the next day, the parents will immediately give encouragement (non-material rewards) to make the child feel satisfied and fulfilled; If the child fails to do so, it is necessary to have a second formal conversation. On the basis of equality and sincere trust, let children know that the responsibility lies with themselves, and at the same time strengthen their sense of ownership. By the way, give your child a step and work out a solution together (such as buying an alarm clock).
After children can get up by themselves, they will gradually be asked to clean the room, clean up their small clothes and tidy up their schoolbags. Let children take responsibility independently and grow up in these ubiquitous soils every day.
3. Don't arrange children's study.
The performance of arranging study includes: making time plans instead of children at home, inquiring and recording homework instead of children, accompanying children to write homework, and directly telling children the answers to homework.
Regarding the time use plan, under the conscious guidance, parents should negotiate with their children on an equal footing to make a simple and flexible plan (not too specific). Only when children are involved will they be seriously implemented. Everyone is only loyal to their own efforts.
About asking and recording homework, let the children ask the teacher's homework themselves and ask the classmates or teachers for confirmation after class.
About accompanying children to do homework. Once parents accompany them, they will make children think that "homework is not my own business." What shall we do? Take the opportunity of making a time use plan to formally communicate and reach a consensus: homework is your own business, and parents can just have a look after it. The purpose of watching homework is not to check, but to improve the quality of homework and get recognition from teachers and other students. For primary school students, it is a great motivation to make teachers happy and let students recognize them, so we should make good use of them.
-For invalid homework (simple repetition) and violent homework (copying dozens of times is wrong); For the former, you can actively communicate with the teacher. If communication fails, you can only expect the progress of education. For the latter, it is best to communicate with children from the perspective of how to avoid being punished. Be sure not to do your homework.
Ask the answer about the child's homework. For mechanical memory homework, parents can directly inform; For the problems that need to be solved, parents should not tell them directly, and let the children finally solve them by themselves through guidance.
4. The decision not to arrange children
As children go to kindergarten, there are more and more things to make decisions after primary school. In view of the child's inexperience, if the child is completely allowed to make his own decisions, he is likely to go astray. What should we do?
In the process of making a decision, be sure to ask your child what to do first. Why did you do it again? At this time, there are three situations:
A: The reason is correct and the decision is justified. At this time, we must identify with our children.
B: The decision is correct, but the reason is not appropriate. If you donate money to other children, others donate 10 yuan, and you donate it to 20 yuan yourself, because the reason is to get more praise from teachers. At this time, it is necessary to guide the children.
C: The reason is correct and the decision is wrong. For example, on Teachers' Day, in order to express gratitude to teachers, parents are required to send gifts or cash gifts to teachers. It is also necessary to guide children to express their respect and gratitude to teachers by studying hard and making greeting cards. Don't let children know what their parents do in private.
What if it is difficult to reach a consensus when children are getting older and have a stronger sense of independence? Grasp a principle and respect your child's decision as long as it doesn't hurt others. Even if the child makes a mistake, it is a good opportunity to try and make mistakes.