? First of all, I'd like to introduce Professor Li Meijin, a Shanghainese born in 1958. Graduated from China Renmin University, now he is a professor and postgraduate tutor of Chinese People's Public Security University. He has been engaged in the research of criminal psychology and adolescent psychological problems for a long time, and made a detailed investigation on many cases, thus proposing that the prevention of crime should start with the education of minors. Main research areas: criminal psychology; Criminal psychological portrait; Juvenile criminal psychology and prevention; Organized crime, etc.
? As for how to help children find their own value, most families with children can probably sum up their own theories, because these theories are all synthesized in the process of contact and growth with children, and their practicability is still very high. But while summing up these experiences, children have grown up, but children grow up only once. Family education is a science, which requires experience and skills, discussion and learning to understand and respect children. Here, Professor Li Meijin gave us a profound answer.
? Professor Li Meijin begins with the topic, which is "Helping children find their value-exploring the role of parents as" mentors ". The professor's topic selection comes from several events on 20 19, one of which was very tragic. A mother had an argument with her son on the bridge, and finally her son rushed to the bridge and jumped. The professor has always said that psychological counseling is not simply to answer a few questions, but among the parents who come into contact with the professor, they know that a child's life is mainly in adolescence. But now there are not only adolescent children, but even those in their twenties. Children appear to dislike and be tired of learning. Parents can't control their children at this time. At the same time, he can't control his children, so he wants to control them more and give them pressure. For example, in a case that happened before, a child was playing with his mobile phone, and his father said that you were still playing with your mobile phone after the exam. So, my father took the phone away. Throw it on the balcony. Without thinking, the child jumped with his mobile phone. At this time, you can imagine how broken your parents are. Parents just want their children to learn more, and at this time, the child chose this road. At this moment, he lost his child irretrievably. In this speech, he mainly talked about another topic. /kloc-before the age of 0/8, that is, the juvenile process is divided into three stages and six periods. The three stages are six years old, six years old to 12 years old, 12 years old to 18 years old. So these six periods refer to three periods within six years old, which is very important. Then, from the age of 6 to the age of 12, children are also the most convenient in this process. It is the incubation period that Freud said in psychology. The last one is from 12 to 18. Is the sexual development period, the sexual development period here, that is, one sex and two sexes. Sex is the difference in your body organs when you were born. Sex is the change of organs and one's own psychological feelings in adolescence.
? What kind of development or turning point should our education have at this time when children enter this stage of approaching adulthood? If the child owes him money before he is 3 years old, he will stand up to him when he is 3 to 6 years old. Then the age of 6 to 12 is the process of establishing his study habits, and it is also the process of understanding the characteristics of children. The most important thing is how to help them grow up when they are close to adulthood. We know what adulthood is, and the first sign is that we can be independent and solve problems by ourselves. And there are many legal rights. What is human value? You, Professor Mizuho, put forward three important words: influence, contribution and personal price. Among them, the personal price tag is how much are you worth? Sometimes when someone applies for that job, he directly asks him how much he earns, so this money is a kind of recognition for himself. The professor specifically divided these points. The first is the meaning of individuals to others in society. As the professor said, a person is actually worthless. The word "value", especially the word "human value" itself is a social word, that is, your value must be meaningful to others in society. This other person benefits from your existence, from our family to everyone. Society also benefits from his existence. Others and society are two problems. Others are concrete people. For example, if you do me a favor in life, I help you because I benefit. But it may be that some people's behavior will have a bad influence on society, such as crimes that professors study. The criminal is active in society, but he doesn't write it on his face. We don't know, but anyone who meets him may be fatal, so this influence is not someone else's problem at all, but a social problem. The other is his own value, which is reflected by the needs of others. There are two points in this. The first point is to gain social recognition and benefit. Second, society has its own value and income. It is because he is valuable to society that his income is determined. People's value is not only the basis of supporting themselves, but also the embodiment of social significance.
? Is this how people's value comes from? You will find it very different. Some people are born with a special mission. He is him, and no one can replace him. This is obviously because it has some characteristics inherited by parents. Part of it is his upbringing, that is, making such efforts. If it is congenital, you will find many. So this genetic thing, once it appears, will be owned for life. For example, that singer can sing good songs with one mouth, which is really a win-win situation. But for many scientists, his IQ is very high, but he can really contribute to society, and he still has to study for a long time. Therefore, we will find that once genetic things appear, they will accompany it for life, including human intelligence, special abilities and temperament, and some negative things. There are many mental diseases now, and he is congenital. Then there is another one, which is cultivated the day after tomorrow. We call it the casting material of suffering. If he has capital, in addition to inheritance, there are acquired ones, such as Lang Lang's piano. Everyone knows how far he and his father went at that time. Speaking of jumping off a building, I will throw you downstairs. I'll jump first, and you have to jump if I jump. You can jump off a building without playing the piano. So he was pushed to that extent by the classics. You see how much he suffered, but he did become a very successful person later. Not all people can be like him, and some people have to fail, such as Yao Jiaxin. Therefore, we need to know that among the acquired friends, we should pay attention to the children's behavior and understand the children, otherwise it will cause. Some mistakes, irreparable mistakes. People's value comes from congenital inheritance and acquired cultivation. However, this innate inheritance is to pay attention to his intelligence and special abilities, and the most important thing in nurture is skills and personality. The IQ in intelligence depends on academic performance, that is to say, intelligence is mainly innate. The acquired education can only be cultivated and developed on the original basis, and the acquired education without intelligence is useless. For example, if some great minds are weaker than some philosophers, they need to take their time and think for a long time. But reporters, for example. He can't think that long, because what they need is timely. So they think differently. There is also a special ability in congenital inheritance, that is, the ability to have without teaching. And these words are all related to interest. For example, Wang, who didn't go to any film university, squatted at the door every day and was finally attracted by a director. In that world without thieves, he played fools to the extreme. In acquired training, skill is an acquired ability formed through training. Such as training calligraphy, dancing, learning driver's license and so on. The last one is personality, and personality determines fate. For example, individuals have no ability to live. In this way, it will lead to their criminal psychology For example, killing people, there is also a kind of person who is broad-minded. They learn to be tolerant and considerate while being smart, so they will succeed easily. There is another kind of person who is very helpful. This kind of person has an advantage in life, because your own enthusiasm and kindness have paved the way for your life.
? Test scores and further studies have become the only way for children's development. I have to know. Take the exam as the standard of personal value judgment, the achievement as the measure of children's value, and the enrollment rate as the key assessment index. As a result, some children with poor IQ have no good development. Professor Li Meijin said, "If a child's IQ is not very good, you can't blame the child, but the parents. Because IQ is hereditary. " But in real life, many parents often don't think of their own problems, but blame their children. In terms of grades, others get 100 points, and you only get 70 points, and he will blame you. There is also high scores and low energy.
? Having said so much, I think we should pay enough attention to it. The first is to help children find its value. First, we should create opportunities for him to eat reasonably; Second, observe his interests and priorities; Third, it is necessary to expand the scope and field of hunting; The fourth is respect and giving children the right to choose. The second is to help children expand his value. The first is to raise the language expression ability given to him, that is, to let him communicate with others more during the child's growth; The second is to accompany children to grow up and bring them into various social circles. For example, parents take their children to visit and let them know different people. Or there are some activities that can let him participate together or let him know the social circle in advance; The teachings of the third meal guided his principles of life. Especially adolescent children, such as what did you meet at work? When you get home, tell him what you would do if you were you, and teach your children how to get along with others. Finally, help children realize their own values. First, according to his intelligence, choose the major that suits him. For example, some people have good Chinese, some people have good English, and some people have good English. In this way, find a major that suits you; The second is to find its development according to his interest, that is, to see what he likes, and then what is the relationship between this he likes and his future career; Third, according to his specialty, find a suitable career. For example, some people like cooking, some people like haircuts, and some people like engineering. Fourth, choose his social and professional circles according to his personality.
? People often say that all roads lead to Rome. Therefore, in people's values, the value lies not in size, but in whether you can know your own value; The value lies not in how much money you earn, but in whether you can be found and recognized; The value lies not in the distance, but in whether we can meet each other's needs; The value is big enough to leave a work, but small enough to leave a joke.