Educate children about their troubles and puzzles.
0 1, treat children, what's our hurry?
I wonder if my parents have the same experience as me. When children encounter some problems, they are eager to learn various methods through various books or courses. When I got home, I found that it didn't match my actual situation. So as far as solving problems is concerned, we can't just rely on some fake skills and methods. In my sharing with you this Thursday, I will not mechanically copy some skills for parents. It's no use.
Many times, people are anxious to solve problems because they are anxious, because they don't want to wait, and because they want to see the changes brought about by their own efforts immediately. But in fact, many things have to be done slowly. Many times, the process is far more important than the result. This is what I want to share with you most in the upcoming series of classes. (I note: those who haven't signed up yet can sign up at the end of the article)
For example, some parents may think that what I said above seems extreme and far away from themselves. But in fact, this kind of thing is particularly obvious in recent years. There is a boy, 19 years old. He stopped going to school from the third grade until the third grade. When the parents of the children came to me with their children, they had been taking their children to see a psychological counselor for three years on and off. Seeing the first face, the child said with great resistance. You don't have to tell me the method, and you don't have to deal with my past trauma. Previous consultants have already done it, and it's useless. ? The parents of the children said that anything will do as long as the children can go back to school.
For the parents of this child, the solution to the problem immediately is that as long as the child goes to school. But why are we always in a hurry to solve the problem? What we can't wait for is the loss of children not going to school, or the anxiety, powerlessness and frustration in our hearts?
02. Do you think what you see is all?
Our anxiety about educating our children is like a cold. Everyone's first reaction is to hope that they don't have a fever or cough, as long as there are no obvious symptoms. I don't know that some so-called symptoms are actually helping our bodies to release, repair and heal? Only by reading the body can we find the correct coping style, and only by reading the child can we have real contact with the child.
The problem of children's behavior is not a problem in itself. What matters is the real reason behind the behavior.
Some children don't go to school because of loneliness. When they suddenly enter a strange school arranged by their parents, they come into contact with strange teachers, classmates and even speak a completely strange foreign language? At that moment, his heart was experiencing the pain of separation and the loneliness and helplessness that he had to face in a different place;
Some children are deeply depressed. Even if they are admitted to the best prestigious schools, their self-confidence will gradually be replaced by their own shortcomings and ignorance in discomfort.
Some children are suffering and desperate. Raised by grandparents since childhood, dad? Mom? It's just a cold name to them. But later, because of my study, I suddenly became very close to two strangers, and these two people didn't seem to be very close themselves? What worries him every day is whether his parents love him or not. Later, the children found that they didn't even love themselves. He began to worry that they would be separated, so he had to stay at home with them. Think you won't get divorced as long as you don't go to school? There are many possible reasons, but all the children can show is not going to school.
Therefore, parents really need to reflect. In all the unhappy and even quarreling experiences with children in the past, do we really know children? Have you ever known the real needs of children? Do we really know what kind of person he is? What are the moments in his growth?
Seeing this, it is estimated that many parents will want to say: We also want to talk to him, communicate with him and tell him that we love him, but the child refuses to communicate with us. What should we do?
The best way is not to think about what to do yet.
In the name of love and understanding, understanding you is actually very simple.
Compared with some general parenting methods and skills, parents know their children best. As long as we try our best to know and understand children, the method will come from the heart, and we can know what children really need without too much words and thinking.
Maybe some parents will say: Teacher, I am in a hurry. Seeing that he is getting better and worse, I can't help it. Any normal person will have this kind of anxiety. Isn't it good and bad in our life and work? Who can guarantee that they will have a smooth life?
Zhao Ming, a psychology teacher, once shared a poem: Put your hand in the field with green seedlings, and you can see the water in the sky with your head down. A pure heart is the Tao, and the original retrogression is the progress. In fact, in life, whether we are children or children, the process of growth is like transplanting rice seedlings, and we can make progress by retreating one after another. I believe you all ran away. In running, the premise of running to the finish line is to take a step back. This seemingly retreat process, in fact, whether it is children or ourselves, is a process of accumulating strength and expecting more support.
So in the next four classes in just four hours, what I can take you to do is just the beginning of habit formation. In this process, parents try to slow down, interpret their children from different angles and understand their psychological needs. In relationships, problems, and emotions, take a good look at your children and yourself. Try to have a spiritual love with yourself and your children.
Advice on educating children
1, there are two kinds of people, one likes himself and the other doesn't.
Most people who don't like themselves have experienced a childhood of error correction and critical education. This aversion often takes a long time to correct.
People who don't like themselves often can't like their children from the heart. They always pay too much attention to their children's natural shortcomings and make corrections for them consciously or unconsciously. Then, he created another person who didn't like himself.
2. Parenting education is a process of gradual discovery.
In early childhood, healthy growth is the most important. What is the task of parents at this time? Cultivate and discover? . Interest classes can be taken, but the purpose is not to learn, but to have fun and discover. Understand and discover his natural characteristics and endowment advantages, and lay the foundation for targeted education. Without fun and discovery, all the so-called early education is redundant? Instill? .
Advantages and disadvantages always correspond to each other.
No one has ever been cautious and creative; Most considerate and clingy children are not good at logical thinking and do not like competitive challenges; People like Tang Priest Newton can't be gentle and affectionate. Looking at the old at the age of 7, the focus is not what you want, but what is the essence of TA.
The purpose of education, isn't it? Shape? , but for motivation. At the same time, there are people with diagonal advantages, but TA must live in a tangled contradiction, but it is the most unhappy and impossible? Is it finished? , the most need sympathy.
4. The so-called idea, in many cases, is nothing more than the reason of the weak and the excuse of the strong.
I think I have a point, but in fact I just have the right to speak. As long as we put ourselves in other's shoes, it is not difficult to find that every idea has another opposite.
Parents often complain like this. Is it obviously wrong for this child to do this and that? That's not his fault? Can you blame me for teaching wrong?
However, it is normal for unhappy people to be unreasonable. If you always use all kinds of? Correct ideas, rules and requirements? Suppress his nature, he will be suppressed, he will be unhappy, he will? Trouble? . Isn't it, my Lord? Everyone needs an emotional outlet.
6. Parents often say with dignity that I think the most important quality of being a man is XXX, which is also the way I strictly demand my children. I don't know, I think I have a magnificent appearance, but it's just? Bold? .
When it comes to education, children's natural enthusiasm is far greater than their parents' personal preferences, including the choice of the so-called most important quality.
7. The problem of children has changed.
An impatient child, you must suppress him; A timid child, you have to scare him; An obedient child, you must provoke him; A difficult child, you must deal with him. The disadvantage of congenital deficiency is transformed into practical deficiency and deep-rooted distrust.
The true meaning of life is to follow the trend. Having said that, it's just inspirational chicken soup. Before saying this, we should clearly understand which is our own potential and which is the potential of children, and chicken soup becomes wisdom.
8. Sincere feelings must be based on irrationality; Iron discipline must be based on blind obedience. True feelings cannot be replaced by feelings; Creative creators should not be suppressed by authority.
All ideas have another opposite. The most important thing in life is not to choose an idea, but to choose a direction and find a way that suits your nature.
Should a naturally obedient person deny him and strengthen his independence? No, what we need to help him is to improve his recognition ability. Can you find it? Blind obedience? People and beliefs. People who are born rebellious should be denied and disciplined? No, what we want to help him is to improve his creative ability and clarify the purpose and significance of breaking.
9. What is the first thing we should give our children? Some people say it is kindness, some people say it is tolerance, some people say it is responsibility, and some people say it is morality. Neither is right. The first important thing is confidence.
No matter what your intelligence level or thinking preference is, you can build your advantages and confidence through your discovery and cultivation. This is a technical job, a touch, an idea, a love, right? Are you great? Such frivolous praise is impossible.
10. There are all kinds of flowers in the garden. You are not the biggest and brightest, but you are small and fresh. Is it useful to say you have your value? No, the subject of education is children, not parents who indulge in self-emotion. What parents should do is to understand their children's nature, find out the advantages and projects of TA, and cultivate them. You don't have to be top-notch in your studies, but everyone needs to be excellent. Only by establishing advantages can we be confident. Without self-confidence, you will be troubled.
Books for educating children
1. "Walking with children through primary school for 6 years"
Parents of primary school students must study!
Teacher Li Zonglei, the founder of the study room, recommended it many times!
Liu Cheng, the author, used simple and delicate brushstrokes to relive the little footprints of her daughter's primary school growth and how these footprints paved the way for her daughter to Peking University.
This is a very strange book, silent, but has been standing on the bestseller list; Liu Chenglian is a strange author, unknown, but affecting millions of readers.
Since its publication, this set of books has sold 65,438+0,096,000 copies, which has been praised and recommended by famous education experts such as Yin Jianli and Sun Yunxiao, and has been jointly recommended by 100 principals of primary and secondary schools!
Dou Guimei, the principal of Tsinghua Primary School, once said when he recommended it:
Liu Chenglian's practice shows us that the cultivation of children's good study habits will continue and expand, and will accompany children from junior high school and high school to college, and finally to the society, so that children can benefit for life.
2. "Why are we Baling? 》
In recent years, school bullying events have emerged in an endless stream, which is enough for parents to realize that this has really become a social problem.
"Why are we being bullied? Chen Lan, the author of this book, said: 99% of Baling incidents can be attributed to family education!
Why are some children bullied?
Dressed too rustic? Too mediocre? Too weak in character? Too good grades
This book will tell you the answer.
400 days of field investigation, 15 shocking stories, unlock school bullying's black cube! Highly recommended!
3. The art of love
Love is the premise and core of all education.
But what is love? Do we really understand love? Do we really love children?
Is love just a gesture, or is it an ability or art to learn?
Fromm's The Art of Love gives the most popular but profound and incisive answers to these questions from the perspective of psychology and ethics.
Repeated reading of this book can be used not only to truly understand love, but also to understand education, self-understanding and insight into a happy and complete The Secret Behind.
4. Handbook of Child Psychology
It is the most authoritative academic standard in the field of child psychology today.
In the field of child psychology? The bible? .
If you find that you know nothing about children and don't know how to educate them, then you must read this set of books.
Although it is a little obscure and 800w, which makes people feel scared, this is an educational reference book that you should trust most.
5. Non-violent communication
Language violence is a parent-child relationship? Black hole? Will make children unforgettable.
Verbal criticism, ridicule, denial, preaching, and arbitrary interruption, refusal to respond, and arbitrary output of evaluations and conclusions will bring emotional and mental harm to children even more painful than physical harm.
Our unintentional or intentional language violence makes the parent-child relationship indifferent, alienated and hostile.
Author Marshall? Dr. Luxembourg discovered a magical and peaceful way of non-violent communication. Through nonviolent communication, he understood the limitations of personal mind and emotion, broke through the way of thinking that caused negative emotions such as anger, depression and anxiety, and made countless people all over the world get love, harmony and happiness! When we get rid of the hidden mental violence, love will naturally appear.
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