When I was playing with my grandson, I began to cheat when he had few cards. If it wasn't his card, I would have taken it by force. I always let him go, so he always wins. On the surface, it seems that there is nothing wrong with adults taking children for granted.
Today, his father played cards with him. If he is not allowed to cheat, he will play as he likes. Sometimes the child didn't see clearly that it was his card and didn't remind him. As a result, the child finally lost. Unexpectedly, the child burst into tears because he lost.
Grandma quickly said, "He is a child, so let him go." The father of the child said, "I can let him stay at home, but who will let him stay outside?"
This is very reasonable. Children are sheltered by adults at home. What will they do in society in the future? People won't let you.
This situation makes me think about a family education problem: although frustration education is necessary in every family, not every parent can be as handy as an education expert. How should an ordinary family carry out frustration education?
Nowadays, most of them are only-child families. Children reach out for clothes and ask for food in their mouths. Several adults are around a child, and everything is child-centered. Children cry when they are slightly unhappy, and they are completely self-centered. It is conceivable that such children will be able to survive in a complex society in the future!
At present, there are two views on frustration education. Some parents think that frustration education is to let children face and solve difficulties by themselves, so as to cultivate their ability to resist setbacks.
Now there is a highly respected way of frustration education, which is to send children to summer camps to suffer hardships and let them suffer hardships to improve their ability to resist setbacks.
This is a very popular educational method in western countries to cultivate children's ability to resist setbacks. For example, send children to an uninhabited desert island and live by themselves for a period of time. It is said that good results have been achieved.
I used to admire this practice. I think it is necessary to deliberately create opportunities for children to suffer. After hard training or survival challenge training, children will certainly become stronger and improve their ability to resist setbacks.
But think about it carefully, is the effect of this training really that good? Even if it is effective, such an opportunity is not available to every child. The most common frustration education should be carried out in family daily life.
Chen Xin, a doctor of psychology at the University of Connecticut and a great parenting teacher, believes that the real frustration education is not to create setbacks, but to face them together. The so-called frustration education without parents' support is not real frustration education.
Dr. Chen pointed out that the real family frustration education is not to painstakingly create opportunities for frustration education. Because this kind of opportunity may appear everywhere in life, we need parents to seize this fleeting educational opportunity in time.
I quite agree with Dr. Chen. For a child, he spends the most time with his parents. Frustration education for children is to seize the little things in his daily life as an opportunity, which is often the most easily overlooked educational opportunity for parents.
For example, the card game I said above lost; A child's beloved toy suddenly broke down; A favorite tag is missing; Running and running, I suddenly fell down. These seemingly trivial things, parents will say that this little thing is a setback? For children of a few years old, these trivial things may be setbacks, not vigorous things. It's no big deal for a child.
Therefore, parents should focus on the overall situation and start small. Small things that seem trivial to many adults are favorable opportunities to teach children how to deal with setbacks.
In frustration education, the most important thing is to teach children to solve problems. However, we will find that when children encounter setbacks, they will feel very bad, such as crying, depression and losing their temper. If you can't stabilize your emotions, it is impossible for children to think about how to solve problems.
Therefore, parents should first give their children correct guidance, show tolerance and understanding, and allow their children to have emotions. We should learn to express negative emotions, eliminate negative emotions in the face of setbacks, and no longer be afraid of mistakes or failures. Only by solving these problems can we take further positive actions.
After solving emotional problems, it is necessary to cultivate children's thinking mode of solving problems. Guide children out of bad emotions and turn their attention to solving problems.
First, we should train them not to be afraid or shrink back when they encounter problems, but to calm down and think about how to solve the problems and how to avoid failure again.
Let the children understand that no matter what problems they encounter, they can only be solved by actively thinking of ways. This is a positive way of thinking.
Finally, parents should also inspire and guide their children to think further. What did they get from this incident and what did they learn from it? Affirm their efforts and achievements in solving problems. Let children get a successful experience and enhance their confidence and courage to cope with setbacks and overcome difficulties.