The article is taken from the book "Don't lose in family education"

Author: Hui Xin

Mom Wu has been very upset recently because her son in junior high school is lovelorn. Her son is the center of her life. Her son was lovelorn, as if her world had collapsed for a long time, and she didn't know what to do.

Falling in love with junior high school students is nothing new, so in the matter of falling in love with her son, she and the father of the child are both very low-key and have no interference. They seem to turn a blind eye on the surface, but in fact they pay close attention to it secretly. The relationship between Wu's mother and son is still relatively close, so the son is willing to tell his mother anything. When I came back from the outside two days ago, I told my mother that my good girl had said goodbye to him. For several days, my son looked very sad and depressed. When he got home, he didn't want to do anything but lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. Mother Wu sees it in her eyes and hurts in her heart. She wants to comfort her children, but she doesn't know how to comfort them

What should parents do if the child is lovelorn? Try these three strategies.

When a child is lovelorn, parents should not rush to do anything, because at this time, the child needs to be alone quietly, thinking about the imbalance of digestive psychology, and parents can observe it quietly. Because children usually talk to their peers after falling out of love, they will not talk to their parents, unless the relationship is very good and close, and it is difficult for parents to intervene.

However, parents must carefully observe whether their children have serious emotional distress or low tide and whether they maintain normal work and rest. In case they don't eat or drink for more than a week, they should pay special attention to finding ways to ask for help or seek medical treatment, because this may be a precursor to children's suicide.

Some distressed and impatient parents immediately think of their foresight when their children are lovelorn, and then say, "I told you so long ago ... you didn't listen, now you know ..." Such criticism will only be counterproductive. What the child needs now is emotional support and understanding, so that he can feel that his parents are still there and that someone loves him deeply and supports him. When children repeatedly feel lovelorn, whether they are angry, sad or depressed, or unwilling, resentful or self-blaming, don't suppress or deny them, but respect and sympathize with their feelings. Think back to your lovelorn situation and you will know how your child feels.

At the same time, we should also encourage him to express himself through healthy channels, such as sports, traveling, going out for an outing, or doing something that makes him happy, diverting his attention and changing his mood. Of course, when doing these things, it is best to have parents to accompany you, and the way of companionship varies from person to person. Some children like to talk, so listen more. Some children are more rational, want to be alone, or want to have a companion to do something with him.

In short, understanding children's needs is far more effective than asking children to do something at once or asking them to get out of emotional harm quickly. After all, it takes some time to treat emotional injury.

When the child's mood gradually stabilizes and he is willing to talk about his feelings, try to guide him and discuss this past relationship with him.

You can talk to your child with a positive attitude and angle. "Since you have paid the tuition, you should learn some truth about life." Tuition fees refer to emotional devotion, sad tears when breaking up, investment in time, and even physical changes.

Suggest that children think: "What do I know more about myself from this emotional incident?" Many people find themselves insecure from intimate relationships, or overbearing, caring and controlling others, or jealous and bad-tempered. Encourage children to know themselves and discover what they don't know.

If they want, parents can also share their past experiences and feelings and encourage their children to be positive. Of course, you can also guide your child to think: "What have I learned from this relationship? What is the growth? " For example, it turns out that another gender or individual is so different from himself that feelings need to be paid and managed by both sides, not just negative sadness and memories.

You can also try to understand the changes of children when they grow up, such as "What do you think of feelings now?" Finally, help the child return to himself and make him a more mature individual, so that tears will not flow in vain.

In foreign relations, teenagers who don't know how to deal with setbacks, conflicts and losses can know that forgiveness can also be another choice, not just resentment and pain. Some teenagers are strongly self-centered, and it is easy to blame others for their mistakes and injuries, unlike adults who may be able to look at emotional changes from different angles. Therefore, parents should remind their children that forgiveness can free them from loss and pain, give each other a chance and give themselves a chance. From the love they had when they were young, they would gradually learn to forgive.

In modern society, few people enter marriage after a love affair and never regret it. Therefore, parents can also remind their children appropriately that the chances of modern people falling in love have increased, and the chances of breaking up have certainly increased. More importantly, learn how to face and deal with it.

Finally, if the child really can't get out, or the parents don't know how to exert their strength, they may wish to seek external help and seek professional psychological counselors to help the child spend the first time.

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