Coordinates | Tokyo Japan

1 Dad is in high spirits and his son is depressed.

My husband has been good at sports since childhood, runs fast and likes playing football.

When the eldest son was in primary school, he reluctantly played football for a year with his father's repeated encouragement and persistence, and then left.

The husband's regret for his younger brother turned into his expectation for his younger brother.

My brother joined the football club in the second half of grade one.

Dad was beaming and took on the heavy responsibility of sending his son to practice and participate in the competition on weekends.

I have no feelings for sports or football, so my son will give the power to play football to my husband.

Dad, who has been busy for a week, plays football with his brother conscientiously no matter how tired he is.

Unfortunately, the good times didn't last long, and my brother didn't go forward as bravely as his father expected.

Many times I run behind my teammates, and even my feet rarely touch the ball during the game.

Originally, I ran fast, but I didn't take the initiative to grab the ball, which caused my father's dissatisfaction: "My athletic ability is so excellent, why are my two sons so timid?"

On the weekend, the father and son came home from training. The father often criticized the younger brother for not playing well, but the younger brother was calm and angry.

Repeatedly, my brother's initial love for football disappeared.

On the weekend morning, he began to lie in bed, expecting rain, because he didn't have to train when it rained. ...

Recalling the four-step process of ability formation, I have a deeper understanding of my brother's "degradation": ability comes from experience, experience comes from trying, and whether to try depends on positive feelings.

Every time my brother takes part in training, he not only gets no affirmation and praise, but gets negative comments such as not grabbing the ball.

Without positive feelings, my brother is naturally unwilling to try football.

On the weekend two months ago, my father took his younger brother to play football and came home angrily, yelling, "Let him quit the team!" " "

My brother sat on the sofa without saying a word. ......

I suddenly realized: I must do something, or my brother will refuse to exercise like my brother.

The 0- 100 acceptance method tells me that we must first see and accept the true face of our younger brother.

Does my brother like playing football or not?

I went to my brother's school to observe what he played during recess and found him playing football with his classmates.

I asked my brother's classmate's mother privately and learned that my brother played football with his son during recess.

Before going to bed at night, I chatted with my brother. He told me that he played football with his classmates during recess.

This shows that my brother doesn't hate football, but he can't get his father's affirmation and encouragement, and he loses the motivation to try and experience.

2 the motor cells are zero, and I will go into battle myself.

Husband is not good at talking, and even more disdainful of affirming and encouraging children.

I'd rather play football with my younger brother than change my husband.

After dinner, I began to ask my father and brother to play football.

After I played football with my brother, his enthusiasm was rekindled-

I accompanied my brother to the club for training and watched him follow others instead of grabbing the ball. I'm disappointed, too. I hate iron and don't produce steel.

However, this is the true state of the child. I have to accept it first and give him more positive feelings before I can guide him to progress.

I played football with my brother for two months, and he made obvious progress in all aspects.

On weekend mornings, he no longer stays in bed and makes no fuss about not playing football.

My brother will be in the fourth grade next year, so the training time will be longer and the competition will increase.

By the third day, we have to decide whether to buy a whole set of school uniforms and standards, and whether the children should continue to play football.

I kept my promise and let my brother decide for himself whether to continue playing football or quit the club next March.

My brother thought about it all night and told my husband and me that he would continue to play football.

Compared with two months ago, my brother, who was in a bad mood at the weekend and cried out to quit training, made his own decision so actively and responsibly because of my affirmation, acceptance and companionship, which gave me great encouragement.

Of course, the road to growth is not smooth sailing, and challenges will come.

It's time to test me

This Saturday, from 9: 00 am to 9: 00 pm 1 pm, is his training time.

I have an agreement with my brother: I will train for more than two hours, and if he wants, I will take him home early.

I have always kept this agreement.

However, this Saturday is different, because there is a game on Sunday and he has to work overtime with the players.

I know very well that it is time to test me!

On Saturday morning, my brother reminded me 1 1 to pick him up.

The next day's competition, the first two hours today are personal basic training, and the last two hours are competitions.

16 players, just divided into two groups, are indispensable.

My brother ran up to me and whispered, "I've been practicing for two hours. Please take me home."

Under the eyes of the public, everyone is waiting for his brother to return to the team and start training.

I realized my brother's inner complex emotions:

In the past, I would immediately make a decision for my brother.

I will take my brother home emotionally and say angrily, "Mom kept her promise. What can you complain about? "

But now, I know: all problems are resources, which my brother has to face.

So, I returned the question to the child and let the child decide whether to go or stay.

The brother in a dilemma ran back to the team in the expectation of the coach and the players.

However, during training, he still glared at me from time to time.

34 1 affirmative method, I repeat these six words in my mind!

Children's anger and grievances need to be seen and accepted.

Before studying, I thought I was reasoning with my brother. Now I know that after my brother's heart is closed, any reason is preaching.

Preaching is the biggest disaster for emotional children.

When my brother was training in the competition, I had already figured out how to turn this problem into a resource.

That's nothing!

After training for four hours, I was surrounded by my brother's anger on my way home.

I'm not like before: how dare you stare at me? See what I can do to you!

This time, I let my brother release his repressed emotions for two hours.

My quiet company eased my brother's anger a lot, and his mood was basically stable after lunch.

"Mom, let's talk about four hours of training!" My brother made his request.

I realized that my brother said this in order to find friends to play with as soon as possible, and this is not the time to teach.

"Don't worry, mom can take you to a friend's house first, and then we can talk at night." My words reached my brother's heart and he went out happily.

After dinner, my brother and I played games and took a bath. His mood is completely stable, and I know it's time to teach.

It's time to talk before going to bed, and the 34 1 affirmative method begins!

I first affirmed his mood: "Your mother didn't take you home earlier this morning, and you were very angry. Can you tell mom why she doesn't want to practice for four hours? "

The younger brother said, "It's too cold! Too tired! Less time to play with friends! "

I'm sure of his motives:

"Well, write another letter to Santa Claus?" My brother and I are thinking about how to solve the problem together.

Then, I affirmed his tired motivation: "Four hours is really tiring!"

The younger brother immediately shouted: "Yes! Mom, you try! "

I quickly said, "Oh, my mother can't compare with you. Not to mention four hours, my mother can't hold on for an hour." It's amazing that you can last for four hours! "

The tired mood has been affirmed, and my brother's heart has been completely opened, so I can say something to him.

About playing with friends less time, I said to my brother:

My brother didn't refute, but seemed to be listening.

After confirming the motivation, I determined what my brother did well:

After doing the above work, I don't know if my brother can receive more than 2 hours of training in the future.

However, I still want to try.

I said:

After that, I stopped to see how my brother would react.

The younger brother said, "Then I will attend four hours of training next year."

I asked, "Will it start with 1 next year?"

The younger brother said, "Hmm!"

After that, he added, "Oh, there are only a few days left!" "

We smiled at each other and relaxed.

After dredging my brother's mood, the sports problem that has plagued us for a year suddenly becomes: five words flying, what is this!

My brother is cautious by nature and doesn't like collisions. I know there must be many gullies on his way to play football in the future. I didn't expect him to play football so well that he could quit the football club at any time after attending a private school next year.

However, the handling of this football incident has made me very firm: the way of looking at, accepting and affirming is the only magic weapon for us to accompany our children to meet challenges and break through ourselves. I will resolutely follow this educational direction and continue to go on.

Picture/pixel

After reading today's article

What is your greatest inspiration and gain?

Talk to Happy Jun.