I am a college student.

I also deeply understand the hardships of being a parent.

I don't think children should be too strict. Pay attention to the methods of education.

To find his advantages, encourage him and recommend the following! ：

As a father who is keen on education, I do have many ideas about educating children. But I have been hesitant about this letter because I am not an expert in this field. Encouraged by many classmates, I asked them, "What do you want me to say if I write such a letter?" They said:

"Tell parents that when we grow up, we can really take care of ourselves. . Let's hit the nail ourselves. "

"Tell my parents: Your expectations of me are so high that I can never reach them. I feel sorry for you. I hope you can accept an ordinary me. Can you encourage me when you see me trying? "

"Tell our parents: I don't want to be a reading machine. I want to find my own interests and hope my parents can support me. "

"Tell our parents: I really want to be friends with my parents, but I don't know how to say it."

After listening to so many words full of emotion and expectation, I picked up a pen and began to write my views on these words and my thoughts on education. My idea is: how to cultivate a rational, successful, independent, confident, positive, happy and emotional child; And make friends with him.

China's parents: The most important thing is not how much you agree with my idea, but I hope you know that your child has something on his mind. If this letter can encourage some parents to ask your children's thoughts, communicate and understand each other, and even become "friends", then the purpose of writing this letter has been achieved.

Cultivate rational children

China people always regard "obedience" as a child's advantage. But I hope my children are not just obedient children, I want them to be sensible children. An obedient child may just follow blindly, but he doesn't necessarily understand the truth. You are reasonable, and reasonable children will listen. Isn't that what we want?

Although I believe in heuristic education, I also believe that children need discipline and rules. The growth of children needs encouragement and discipline. Children need to cultivate self-confidence and learn to reflect.

I have four laws about "rules": (1) Make rules, but first make the rules clear, not just follow them; (2) Children have complete freedom within the rules; (3) Children who violate the rules will be well punished; (4) The fewer rules, the better, in order to achieve the role of inspiration.

In addition, seize every opportunity of "opportunity education", but use more positive examples and less negative ones. If you want to teach children to "stand up and greet their elders", you should do it yourself every time. Parents must set an example. It is impossible to win the children's conviction by being strict with them, but I didn't do it first.

Especially in character building, parents must set an example. For example, honesty education, the cultivation of independent personality and thoughts, these parents' personal performance directly affects their children. So instead of using examples or stories (don't preach! ) to teach children, but also remind yourself not to do negative practices.

In terms of character building, some parents are also very confused. Such as honesty, justice, etc. Because insisting on these things in real life often leads to losses, many students gradually give up these things after going to society. Therefore, I think parents in China should be reminded to take a long-term view. As China enters the international stage, we should judge the phenomena in life with international thinking mode and values, and don't do negative things, let alone instill negative thoughts in children.

Parents can give their children a more relaxed growth environment, just give them advice, guidance and communication when they are confused, instead of imposing certain wishes on their children. Cultivate children who are successful in learning.

In today's exam-oriented learning environment, it is difficult for us to be indifferent to our academic achievements. But children are under great pressure in this environment, so we should try our best to be considerate of them. Don't expect too much from your child, let alone realize your unfulfilled ideals, regardless of whether the child is willing or not, whether he has talent or not. Excessive and unreasonable expectations will only put too much pressure on children and make them feel sorry for their parents. Don't take your grades too seriously, just try your best. There is no need to always be the first in the exam, as long as today is better than yesterday. Laying a good foundation and really understanding why is far more important than grades.

Try to rationalize your expectations. You can ask him to do better than now and let him make progress slowly. If you see an unreasonable or impossible goal, the child may give up.

Try to turn your requirements for children into suggestions for children. Of course, this does not mean that children should be allowed to break through and fail to fulfill their proper binding rights, but should be guided as correctly as possible.

Try not to compare children with others. This will cultivate children's competitive psychology and hinder the teamwork needed to enter the society in the future.

Don't just pay attention to the dead knowledge in books when studying. In my book "Be the Best Oneself", I explained four areas of learning:

2 state 1. Practice makes perfect: study under the guidance of teachers, master the contents of textbooks and know the answers to questions;

2 Realm 2, draw inferences from one another: have the ability to think, master the learning method, be able to draw inferences from one another and know why;

2 realm 3. Self-study without a teacher: master the methods of self-study and self-study, and you can take the initiative to learn without the guidance of a teacher;

2 realm 4. Mastery: be able to apply what you have learned flexibly to your life and work practice, and know the truth of doing things and being a man.

As a parent, I hope you can seize every opportunity to help your child improve the realm of learning, from rote learning to mastery.

Encourage children to go to libraries and the Internet to learn and acquire knowledge. Although the Internet is huge and profound, with the best interactive tools for learning English, all courses at MIT and a student mutual-aid community, there are also many negative temptations, so it is best for parents to help induce their children to study online.

Encourage children to study for the sake of learning, not just for grades. For example, once my daughter took an exam, a question that she thought was half right but completely wrong. I asked her to ask the teacher, and he said the teacher wouldn't give her extra points. I will take this opportunity to explain to her that the purpose of hiring a teacher is to study, not to add points.

Encourage children to do it themselves, not just do well in the exam. Encourage him to use what he has learned immediately, and let him know that learning this knowledge is useful to his life, not just to get high marks. Remember how boring it is to recite historical years and mathematical formulas! If it hadn't been used, it would have been returned to the teacher. I suggest you do some "practical" study with your children without affecting your study. For example, when my child learns the concept of index, we will take her bank passbook and accumulate compound interest year by year. How rich she will be in the future! When my child was studying American history, I taught her a vivid homework, which reproduced a section of American history with computer animation and our "vivid" dubbing. There is a saying: "I will forget what I heard, remember what I saw and really understand what I did." That's what it means.

The most important thing is to inspire children to take the initiative to be responsible for their own learning. I will cooperate with teachers to help children set their own learning goals and take responsibility for their own learning automatically and spontaneously. In the middle school where the eldest daughter attends, students are required to set a learning goal every six months and measure whether it is achieved after six months. My daughter used to be shy. She didn't understand some questions but didn't ask them. So he set a goal, he must ask questions in class every day, ask questions he doesn't understand, and measure whether he has done it after class every day. Later, this goal was achieved, but she did not participate in class discussions except asking questions. In the next goal, she made an appointment to raise her hand at least once a day to participate in the discussion.

Cultivate independent children

In China, parents take great care of their children for fear that they will be hurt a little. So they are more protective of their children. I can't let go. This leads to great dependence on children. There are also some parents who will help their children design their life plans, but this usually makes many people ignore their children's real interests and choices.

However, 2 1 century will be a century of "independent choice". Peter, a famous management scientist. Peter Druker pointed out: Because the information age has replaced the industrial age, the endless competition and the decentralized and free management mode in the world, "future historians will say that the most important thing in this century is not the innovation of technology or network, but the great change of human living conditions. In this century, people will have more choices and they must actively manage themselves. " After children enter the society, they must decide their own industry, their own teachers, their own bosses, their own companies, whether to start a business or join a job, whether to study as a worker or a businessman ... They face choices every day. Children need independence, responsibility, choice and judgment. If a child only recites knowledge when he grows up, listens passively and waits for others to help him make decisions or do things, then he will not be taken seriously even if he is not bullied into society. Your children should survive, compete and succeed in such a society. So he must learn the ability of independent choice.

When Google founder Sage. Sergey brin and Larry. When Larry Page was interviewed on TV, the reporter asked which school they owed their success to. They didn't answer Stanford University or the University of Michigan, but answered that Montessori primary school had no negative investment in free study. In the environment of Montessori education, they learned to "do their own thing, be responsible for themselves and solve their own problems", which made them develop the habit of encouraging attempts, being positive, independent and self-driven, thus bringing them success.

How to cultivate the ability of independent choice? Here are five "yes" and five "no":

N Teach children the habit of "finding their own way". Let children solve their own affairs from an early age, let them understand that no one can shirk their responsibilities and let others clean up the mess for them. Let them learn from failure and want to help their children nothing. It can help analyze introspection, and you can tell him what you will do to help improve your child's judgment.

N Give children the right to choose and let them become their own masters. Although you are sure what to do, you should give your child a chance to learn to make decisions independently. He learned more from his mistakes than from your correct guidance. Let children know that there are some things that parents give advice, but the final decision is yours, and as you grow up, these things will become more and more. I remember when I was 5 years old, my parents wanted me to go to kindergarten and I wanted to go to primary school, so they gave me a choice: "I will let you go to school if I pass the exam." I will remember it all my life, because at that time, I once understood that a five-year-old child had a choice. I especially cherish this choice, so I studied independently and really got in.

Cultivate children's sense of responsibility. More guidance, less criticism. Liuyong said, "I used to arrange everything for my son, but later I found that this actually cultivated his irresponsible habit. Moreover, the excessive arrangement of parents also makes children rude and do not know how to cherish. " Don't tell your child everything, it's best to communicate and agree in a big way (for example, "your responsibility is to tidy up your room", not "your room is in a mess"). When the child can't do it, let him understand the importance of being responsible for himself.

N Cultivate children's curiosity and don't teach everything. Let him try it himself. It doesn't matter if he fails.

Trust the children. Trust can arouse a sense of responsibility more than punishment. Tong Xin is famous for her sense of responsibility in Microsoft Research Asia. After he made a mistake at school when he was a child, his mother never even blamed him. "This matter has passed." She looked at her son's frightened eyes and said softly, "You were a good boy in the past and you will be a good boy in the future." Tong Xin said, "My mother gave me the best gift that night. Let me use it for a lifetime. "

N Don't use too many rules to restrict children's freedom. Let children do what they like to do, and let themselves have a world to play in. If you have concerns, use the method of "mutual decision" to induce him: for example, if a child likes playing computer, don't say "no", and tell him that if your grades are good enough or your homework is finished, you can play, but you can play for two hours a week. Turn every "negative" into an "opportunity" and transfer the autonomy from you to your children. This can not only cultivate independent ability, but also make children work harder to do those "must do" things for their own interests.

Don't punish failure. You can punish bad behaviors such as laziness, dependence, evasion and irresponsibility, but don't punish failure. Failure is a progressive learning process. Punishing failure may dampen children's creative motivation and encourage them to grow and be strong in failure.

N Don't preach: If a child believes your preaching, he may lose his judgment. If a child doesn't believe in preaching, he may resist or distrust you.

N Don't do everything in life, let the children do it themselves. In addition to cultivating independent ability, you can also increase your sense of responsibility and self-confidence.

N Don't interfere too much in children's affairs, deprive children of their own choices, and feel that the road they have arranged for their children is the most direct road to success, and children can only obey. Don't say "no" to everything, give your child a chance. Cultivate confident and positive children

Self-confidence is a magnifying glass of children's potential. As Vanderbilt said: "A confident person always has a smooth career, while a person without self-confidence may never set foot on the threshold of his career."

Children who grow up in an environment with high expectations and only criticism without praise can hardly gain self-confidence. Relatively speaking, an environment of positive praise and positive feedback will stimulate children's self-confidence. When I first came to America, I was a "mathematical genius" because I could recite mathematical formulas. Although I know in my heart that I am not a math genius, I just moved out what I have memorized before, but the power of self-confidence is endless. Driven by self-confidence, I began to study English and math hard, and really won the championship in the statewide math competition.

Give your child positive feedback. Let him know that you have noticed every good thing he has done. My youngest daughter often told me "I'm so stupid" when I was a child. In fact, she is not stupid at all, but a malicious classmate slandered me. So, I slowly cultivated her self-confidence. I thought her diary was very good, so I praised her and encouraged her to write more. After writing her interest, she actually wrote an "autobiography" for people to see everywhere and put it in the "personal background" of my website. At this time, I think she should learn some modesty! )

Self-confidence needs to be cultivated step by step, which can help children make a long-term measurable plan. Just like the example of my daughter's speech I mentioned earlier. I set a measurable and practical goal with her: she raises her hand once a day and will be rewarded if she persists for one month. Then, we slowly increase the number of hands. A year later, the teacher noticed that she was confident enough to speak in class.

First of all, you should believe that children are capable. American elementary schools conducted an experiment with 18 students, which made teachers preconceived that a child had the best development prospect (although the child was randomly selected). Because I believe that children are excellent, teachers often give them positive comments. The result really inspired his self-confidence and made the performance of 18 students exceed expectations. Therefore, if you want your child to have confidence, you must first believe in his ability.

If you want to cultivate confident children, you'd better pay attention to every sentence and word you use. Make more positive comments: "I believe you can do it", "I have confidence in you" and "you have done a great job" ... Carnegie mentioned such an example in his interpersonal communication course ... If we want to change a child's inattentive attitude in reading, we may say: "John, we are really proud of you, and your grades have improved this semester. But it would be better if you worked harder on algebra. " In this example, John may be happy before hearing "but". Soon, he will doubt the credibility of this approval. For him, this kind of praise is just a guide aimed at criticizing his failure. If the credibility is misinterpreted, we may not be able to change his learning attitude. It is not difficult to solve this problem. Just change "but" to "and", and we can achieve our goal: "We are really proud of you, John. Your grades have improved this semester. As long as you continue to study hard next semester, your algebra scores will be excellent. " Cultivate happy and emotional children

A student asked me, "Should I train my children to be my successors?" This question surprised me. My answer is: "I just want my children to be happy and develop their potential."

Everyone is different. Only by finding your own interests and exerting your potential can you become the "best self-sufficient". Tang, who entered Harvard without making outstanding achievements, said: "Don't believe in the formula of success, because we are wild plants, not garden plants. Everyone's unique advantage is the source of confidence. " Go and help your child discover his unique advantages!

A person's happiness has a considerable relationship with whether he can do what he is interested in. According to a 20-year follow-up study of American 1500 business school students, it is found that people who pursue interests and explore their own potential are not only happier, but also more likely to be favored by wealth and fame, because they are engaged in what they really like, and they are more motivated and passionate to do things perfectly-even if they can't get wealth and fame from this matter, they will get lifelong happiness and happiness.

As parents, we will encourage our children to spend more time on her interests. For example, my eldest daughter likes reading novels, and we choose an interesting but instructive book for her every week. Over the years, she has read thousands of books, and she has always relied on full marks in English. The second daughter likes to write and draw, so we taught her to write what she likes on the computer, and then added pictures and photos to turn it into a book, printed it into a beautiful color version and sent it to relatives and friends.

For classes that are not interested in children, we only ask for preparation and study as much as possible, and there is no special requirement for grades.

Many parents let their children learn piano and practice dancing. I think some hobbies are very good and can help children develop in an all-round way, but they should be moderate. Some studies are very hard, so I use the formula of "giving children a choice" to make three chapters with them. When both my children showed interest in music, we told them to study hard for three months. After three months, if they try their best, they can decide whether to study again. As a result, none of them is interested in music, one in painting and the other in drama. So, I let them develop towards their own interests.

Give children more opportunities to get along with others. Dale. Dale Carnegie said: "Only 65,438+05% of a person's professional success depends on his professional skills, and the other 85% depends on interpersonal relationship and interpersonal skills." Children who can't get along with others from an early age will find it difficult to be successful and happy when they grow up.

Don't suppress children's emotions. In addition to joy and happiness, anger and sadness are also normal reactions. Give children a chance to express their feelings. If the child cries, you scold him indiscriminately: "Don't cry! Cry again and punishment will come! " On the surface, the child will become obedient, but in fact, he hides more fears-he is afraid that he will cry, that he will lose his parents' love and that he will be punished. When growing up, you may be able to teach an obedient child when you repeatedly suppress and deny your emotions, but unfortunately, this is also a child who lacks self-confidence and cannot understand others' emotions. So, accept everything in the world-positive and negative; Life and death; Cry or laugh. Because, these experiences are all children who occupy an advantageous position in our life, they will not benefit from this one-sided emphasis on competition, because in the process of learning, they are praised as favored children everywhere, which easily makes them feel abnormal superiority, and therefore ignores the exercise of interpersonal communication and teamwork.

Make friends with children.

If you ask my child, "What do you like best about your father?" They will say, "Funny, even crazy, unpretentious, just like my friend, which makes me want to talk to him."

Although I learned a lot from my father, my father was not very close to me when he was alive. After his death, I can only come out from my mother, brothers and sisters to understand his thoughts or people. I think this is a common father-son relationship in China. Because of this regret, I try to spend more time with my children and try to be a father who can tell them the truth.

In your mind, your children may never grow up, but many children are willing to treat themselves as adults when they are 15 years old or earlier. At this time, parents can discuss problems with their children in an adult way, rather than being completely "parents". For example, ideals, learning motivation, fun, dedication, treating people, falling in love, making friends, and dealing with family problems.

In this regard, I have four suggestions:

(1) mingle with children and even talk nonsense with him. Don't put on airs, be a "superior" elder. When my children were young, they didn't want to sleep because they heard my "spun" story every day.

(2) Tell your child the truth, and don't hold it in your stomach. I hope he will do the same. Be a good listener.

(3) Let your child know how important he is to you, tell him how much you love him, and share your time generously with him, but don't be "responsive" to material things.

(4) Take some time to understand those popular things. Whether it's a singer, Junior Idol or a new computer game, I will take some time to get to know it. On the one hand, it can give you more topics, on the other hand, it can tell your children that you care. And it can make you feel young!

Treat your child as a friend and talk to him. You can tell him what you have experienced every day, or ask him what you have experienced every day. If he tells him what not to do, don't preach, don't get angry, listen more and talk less. When he feels that chatting with you is not a threat of punishment, he will talk about everything. At first, if he is a little afraid to speak, promise him not to be angry with him.

If you want to be a child's friend, only you can learn his language, not ask him to learn yours. If you don't learn new knowledge, get in touch with new ideas, lack knowledge and have outdated ideas, you can't understand what children are thinking now. Parents should try to get in touch with more popular things. Such as popular ideas, popular clothes, popular technology and popular music, so as to reduce the generation gap and create channels of mutual trust and communication.

China's parents: Spend more time with their children. No matter how busy they are, they should play with them and talk on an equal footing. Don't think that sending children to school is all the teacher's business, and then urge you to do your homework when you get home. Don't get angry at once when a child does something he didn't expect. Listen to the child's reasons first. abstract

This is a poem I like very much. Expounded my educational philosophy. Share with China's parents here:

What did you give the children?

Dorothy law nolte

Children who grow up with criticism will blame others.

Children who grow up in hostility like to quarrel.

Children who grow up in fear are often worried.

Children who grow up laughing are shy.

Children who grow up in suspicion tend to be jealous.

Children who grow up in shame will feel guilty.

Encourage children to grow up with confidence.

Children who grow up in tolerance are tolerable.

Children who grow up with praise know how to be grateful.

Children who grow up in recognition like themselves.

It's generous to share grown-up children.

Children who grow up in good faith understand the truth.

Children who grow up in justice are full of justice.

Children who grow up with respect know respect.

Children who grow up in trust not only trust others, but also trust themselves.

Children who grow up friendly love not only others but also themselves.

Parents of young people in China: We have a great responsibility. Youth in China today:

..... very good, but very confused.

..... smart, but not confident enough.

..... is the first generation who grew up in a safe society and completed many years of education.

..... born in a world flattened by information, they must become elites who integrate Chinese and Western cultures.

..... Fortunately, they were born in the era of choice, but the times did not teach them the wisdom of choice.

Of course, the most important thing is that the youth in China are our own flesh and blood, our favorite and everything to us. This reason is enough for us to encourage each other and become "I can be the best parent".

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