Adolescence is a period of great changes in individual physiology and physiology, and it is the second "rebellious period" of life. This stage is the period when children have the most problems. Middle school is also the golden age of life and an important turning point in the development of life. We should not only receive school education and social education, but also receive family education. Family education refers to the continuous, conscious or unconscious education and influence among family members in family life. In a narrow sense, it refers to the education of parents and other adults to their children, especially to underage children; Broadly speaking, it refers to the education of all family members including parents. The discussion of family education in this paper mainly refers to the concept in a narrow sense.
Psychologists believe that middle school students are in a period of emotional instability, which is also the most difficult period for education. They are impulsive, lack reason and self-control, and lack knowledge and experience. They tend to judge things with too much emotion, can't distinguish between primary and secondary, are extremely emotional, and often have impulses because of some small things. This is the influence of their sharp physiological changes on their psychological activities. Middle school students have four major psychological problems, and parents should realize this, which is the premise of educating their children well.
One of the psychological problems of middle school students: emotional instability. When he is in a happy mood, he is full of enthusiasm for learning and gets along well with others. When they are agitated and depressed, they have low enthusiasm for learning, are difficult to get along with others, and even play truant, fight and fight.
The second psychological problem of middle school students: Generally speaking, they are worried, indecisive, anticlimactic, with poor self-control and easy to be hinted. When he is emotional, he has poor self-control, can't treat and control himself correctly, and is easy to shake when the external incentives are strong. When you encounter difficulties in your study and things that don't go your way in your life, you will be pessimistic and disappointed, even shrink back, your will will collapse, and you will collapse.
The third psychological problem of middle school students: personality factors are typical psychological problems of middle school students, which are generally manifested as: selfish and narrow-minded, often quarreling with others for a little thing, haggling over every ounce, unable to extricate themselves for a long time, and even troubled by it; Arrogant and conceited, self-righteous, look down on others, lack appreciation and respect for others, and have poor frustration ability; Inferiority and cowardice, these people are withdrawn, unsociable, indecisive and passive towards Nuo Nuo.
The fourth psychological problem of middle school students: adolescent syndrome. The performance is as follows: after middle school students enter adolescence, with the development of physiology, their psychology also changes. Some students have emotional entanglements, and their emotions become uneasy and irritable. Sometimes they feel lonely, worried and depressed, which is the so-called youth trouble. From a certain point on, I quickly lost my interest and willingness to study and couldn't afford to attend classes. This is the so-called adolescent depression, as well as adolescent fantasies and the so-called "puppy love" problem.
Second, the problems in middle school students' family education
There are many misunderstandings in the family education of middle school students in China. At present, the outstanding problems are:
First, there is more knowledge transfer and less intellectual development. Many parents equate the accumulation of knowledge with the development of intelligence, mistakenly thinking that teaching children a few more words and reciting a few poems is equivalent to the development of intelligence, so they force all kinds of knowledge regardless of their acceptance.
Second, there is more connivance and less strict requirements. Parents are obedient to their children, even tolerate and accommodate their mistakes, lacking the necessary constraints.
Third, there is more material satisfaction and less mental effort. Parents over-satisfy their children's material needs, but do not pay attention to meeting their children's spiritual growth needs, such as restricting their children from making friends.
Fourth, expect more, but teach students in accordance with their aptitude. Many parents expect too much from their children, but there are few specific measures that meet their intelligence level and personality characteristics, which leads to the lack of pertinence in education or the departure from the law of children's physical and mental development, which is counterproductive and both sides lose.
Five, more physical care, less psychological guidance. Some parents pay too much attention to their children's physical development and try their best to increase their nutrition, but ignore their mental health, which leads to a lot of psychological and behavioral problems.
Sixth, pay more attention to intellectual factors and cultivate less non-intellectual factors. Many parents care about the development of children's intellectual factors, but they don't pay due attention to the development of non-intellectual factors such as emotion, will, interest, hobby and personality, which leads to the crisis of non-intellectual factors such as emotional indifference, weak will, bad moral character and withdrawn personality behind children's intellectual development.
Seven, hard indoctrination, less inspiration and induction. Some parents educate their children not to pay attention to ways and means, and force them to accept their own views and act according to their own will. The children are a little rebellious. They are angry with each other. In addition, the combination of sticks and fists has seriously dampened their self-esteem and self-confidence, making them weak, inferior or difficult to control under the drive of rebellious psychology.
Eight, more mental labor, less physical labor. Some parents regard reading as the only way for their children to become talents, do everything possible to provide excellent learning conditions for their children, don't let them share any housework, don't pay attention to cultivating their basic living ability and working ability, and put mental work above physical work, making them get high marks and low energy.
Nine, parents have many differences and less requirements for unity. Family members hold their own opinions on children's education, do not give in to each other, and lack unified requirements for children, which makes the role of education offset each other.
Ten, think more about individuals and less about society. Many parents regard their children as their own private property, and let them be at the mercy of their own psychology and needs, so that they are bound in the small circle of family and self from an early age, instilling egoism in their children, and rarely treating them as part of social wealth, teaching them to forget their own interests, sacrifice themselves for others, and exercise and grow in the melting pot of society.
For these misunderstandings, parents should compare them one by one to see if there is a similar situation in themselves; In any case, we should be vigilant as soon as possible and adjust ourselves to avoid getting deeper and deeper.
Of course, there are many other misunderstandings in middle school students' family education, such as: 1, taking care of trivial matters in life and giving children more time to study with peace of mind. 2. Arrange a closed environment for children to study quietly. 3. Accuse children of poor grades with severe criticism. 4. Force children to learn one or more artistic skills. 5. Reward the excess as soon as there are achievements. 6. The punishment for doing something wrong is simple and old-fashioned. 7, dishonest to children, thinking that children are still young. 8, can not correctly analyze the shortcomings and advantages of children, expectations are unrealistic. 9, for example, the text and instructions are not unified, and parents' educational views are inconsistent. 10, please give your child an unrealistic tutor.
Third, the countermeasures to solve the family education problems of middle school students.
School education, social education and family education are all important for a student. But the most important of the three aspects of education is family education. As Suhomlinski thinks, "some tragedies often happen in families that are not aware of their parents' responsibilities." In today's society, the proportion of middle school students who are tired of learning accounts for about 20% in developed areas and 40% in underdeveloped areas. Society has a responsibility, and schools have a responsibility, but family education has a greater responsibility. This is especially obvious in some individual middle school students. If some parents are divorced, they neglect or despise their children's education; Some are because parents' educational level is low, which makes children go with the flow, or dote on them, or they are too strict, or their parents' ability to teach by example is poor or not; This kind of family education will bring immeasurable influence and results. So in a sense, there are no unqualified children, only unqualified parents. Family education not only affects children's growth, but also affects families, schools and even society. Therefore, family education is no longer a private matter of a family, but a great cause that a nation and a country should attach great importance to.
First of all, middle school students' family education should adhere to the following principles
I. Principles of equality and respect
Respecting your children should be a primary principle of family education for middle school students. The word "parents" literally means the leader of the family, not to mention that parents and children are divided into young and old, early and late, education, social experience, economic strength and so on. In the family role, parents and children are actually unequal. But just like this, in parent-child communication, we should pay more attention to respecting children and respecting their personality from an early age. Because we are equal in personality with children.
The principle of equal respect is not only for children to listen to their parents' skills, but also based on their true belief in recognizing and safeguarding human dignity. Only in this way can parents naturally show respect for their children in parent-child communication and be felt by them. This kind of contact and feeling has great educational power, which is not only reflected in the immediate educational effect, but also reflected in the formation of their healthy personality. The kind of "respect" for respect and the expedient "respect" for children's obedience are not only tiring and unnatural, but also difficult for parents to operate, and it is also easy for us middle school students and children to see through. What's more, it's a pity to let them experience the words of their loved ones: hypocrisy. This will make many children feel chilling, which is extremely unfavorable to their character.
Equal respect for people is a belief. True equality and respect for daughters based on this belief is an education in itself. Respect children's thoughts, wishes and emotions, allow children to handle things by themselves, help children make decisions in the form of joint discussion, give children the right to express and reserve different opinions normally, and criticize without hurting their personality. All of them should be paid attention to when implementing this educational principle.
Second, the child-oriented principle.
This means that in children's education, from the determination of children's development goals to talking with children and making demands, the children themselves are the starting point. Various studies tell us that when a person's behavior is based on his own internal needs, his enthusiasm for action is the highest, and he does not rely on external rewards. Parents are obviously aware of this, or have a deep understanding. An example is that many parents often add a sentence when teaching their children seriously: "I am doing this for your own good." Try to make children understand that parents do not start from themselves, but from their children. In a sense, children are indeed a continuation of our family and our own development. However, this continuation is not to let the children meet the shortcomings of their parents' own personal life, let alone to win face for their parents, but to proceed from the reality of the children and promote their healthy development with their own positioning. When we help our children become independent people who have their own pursuits, our own obligations and contributions to our children will be realized. The real greatness of parents is that they are pursuing for their children, not asking them to pursue for themselves. Taking children as a tool to realize their unfulfilled wishes and meet their personal needs is actually to confine children to their own lives, which is a narrow selfishness, not to mention the development of the family.
Our child is another person, not your parents. In family education, if we are really child-oriented, we will naturally set goals and put forward requirements according to the actual situation of children, naturally care about their emotional life, and allow them to vent their negative emotions normally while guiding them to learn self-control. We will naturally be gratified by any progress that our children have made in line with their own reality, and naturally have a peaceful heart. In particular, child-oriented family education is a selfless education that respects the wishes of others. Children under this kind of education will respect their parents while striving for it. In a word, it is to create an education suitable for children in our family, not to educate our own children.
Third, the principle of positive expectation.
Facts tell us that children's feelings about their parents' expectations, that is, what kind of people parents think they are and what kind of people they may become, will directly affect their expectations, thus affecting their efforts and behaviors. Parents sometimes make a mistake: out of good wishes for their children's future, they show concern, anxiety and doubt about their children's present situation and future, and it is the latter that makes children feel. This is a negative expectation for children, and it is very likely that your children will follow this expectation involuntarily. "You are so stupid", "You are so lazy", "How can you get it if you go on like this" and "Did you make a mistake at school today" ... If our parents often say this to their children, it is tantamount to giving them a negative command. Therefore, it is very important for children to feel your positive expectations for him. Simply put, let the child feel that you want him to be good, you think he is good, and you believe he will be better.
Please trust your child and let him feel that you think he is great, he can do it, and his tomorrow will be better. Please appreciate your child, evaluate his behavior and results from a positive perspective, and express your admiration and joy for his merits. In this way, your children will feel confident and hopeful, and their parents will be kind, lovely and trustworthy, and they will spontaneously embark on the road of healthy development with you. In fact, every child has a lot to believe and appreciate. The problem is that my parents didn't look for it, and they didn't find it. If parents always think that children are useless, it may be that your expectations of children are too one-sided; Another possibility is that you have your own shortcomings, that is, you are always looking for the shortcomings of others and can't see the advantages of others, not just for your own children.
Fourth, the principle of overall coordination.
Family education is a kind of holistic education, and various elements of the family have a unified influence on all aspects of children. This requires the implementation of family education from the principle of overall coordination.
On the one hand, we should try our best to coordinate the educational influence of the whole family. This cannot be simply understood as either praising children or criticizing them. In fact, sometimes it is not absolutely consistent in this respect, but dialectical and artistic. The most important thing is parents' attitude and concept of life, as well as their own requirements, control and coordination of requirements for children. It is a very uncoordinated and contradictory education if parents sigh and complain in the face of their own life setbacks and demand their children to be strong in the face of academic setbacks; If parents are losing their temper and reprimanding their children for not being able to talk to themselves calmly, blind confrontation and confrontation are also very uncoordinated and contradictory education. Another is to coordinate the requirements and hopes of children in all aspects as a whole. In some places, children are required to help others, and in some places, they are afraid that children will suffer. I hope that children will get a job, which will make children feel confused, contradictory and at a loss. This can be extended to others.
On the other hand, children's problems should be analyzed and educated as a whole, rather than treating the symptoms rather than the root cause. Parents should learn to make an overall analysis of children's individual specific behaviors in the whole picture of children's behaviors, and make an overall analysis in the internal influence of children's psychology and the external role of the environment. At this time, you may find that sometimes the child's specific behavior is not what you think, and sometimes the child's learning problems require efforts other than learning.
Man is a complete man, a man who lives in harmony with the environment. It is very important to educate children from the perspective of family influence and children themselves as a whole, and not to stick to the gains and losses of children's individual behavior.
Five, the principle of randomized education
Unless there is a very special and urgent problem, family education usually does not have to follow the education plan as strictly as school education, but should follow the principle of randomness. In other words, parents don't always have a purpose of educating their children, imagine an implementation plan and seriously educate their children; It doesn't have to be very; Mechanically praise a child's goodness, criticize a child's mistakes, and have a heart-to-heart conversation and debate with a child's incorrect thoughts, otherwise don't ask; You don't have to do the same thing every day when you go home: "Have you done your homework?" ? The education of children should permeate the daily life of the family, and the influence is faintly and inadvertently emitted in the daily communication with children.
Some physical and mental changes of children may provide opportunities to improve parent-child relationship, parents' influence will be enhanced when parent-child communication has a very harmonious atmosphere, education issues may be involved in daily activities, and parents themselves may provide role models when dealing with some events, which may be very favorable educational opportunities. Companionship education requires parents to grasp all kinds of random educational opportunities and exert educational influence according to the specific situation at that time. For example, if you and your child are very concerned about and like sports competitions, when you and he watch and discuss major sports events in front of the TV with great interest, your admiration and affection for the example of defeating the strong with the weak and not afraid of losing, as well as positive psychological adjustment during the competition, will permeate an education, which may be better than talking to your child when there are related problems. Randomized education also means that when the child's state and parent-child relationship are not suitable, don't forcibly confront the child on the problem you want to solve at that time, and then your efforts to ease and harmonize parent-child relationship become another kind of education. In short, there are opportunities for education everywhere in family life, and you can do whatever you want with your children at a certain time and place.
The above is the general principle, in which we should strengthen the grasp of specific methods and countermeasures.
1, parents should set an example. From the birth of a child, parents are the closest people to the child. Parents' words and deeds have an important influence on them. Parents' attitudes towards family, society and life all have left or right psychological influences. It is hard to imagine that a psychopathic parent can teach a child with excellent personality. Therefore, parents should constantly improve themselves and improve themselves, thus affecting their children's mental health development.
2. Strengthen the spiritual communication between parents and children. The purpose of communication with children is to understand children through close contact, conversation and emotional communication with children and discover the special laws of children's psychological development. The most important way is to talk, which requires parents to find the topics and events that their children are most interested in and concerned about, and talk to their children about their true feelings, rather than perfunctory in daily life, so as to understand the situation, provide guidance for their children, and help their children grow psychologically.
3. A stable and harmonious family environment. The healthy growth of children can not be separated from the care and love of parents. A stable and harmonious family environment will bring great help to children's growth. In an unstable and insecure family, how can children be taken good care of, and how can a young mind grow up healthily and sturdily? Therefore, children must feel the warmth of family. Even divorced families should give full care to their children, so that they can have full confidence and feel that they will always be their parents' favorite people. Only in this way can they study happily and finish their studies.
4. Good educational methods. There are two opposing States in parents' educational methods: persistence and vacillation, rigidity and gentleness. Parents adhere to a gentle attitude, and children are easy to form good behaviors and stable emotions. With the gentleness of swaying posture, it is easy for children to learn to use the differences between their parents in management to form a cunning psychology; Persistence but rigid method; The child is in a dilemma, but it is wrong anyway. Over time, improper educational methods will make children form unhealthy psychology, so good educational methods can also promote children's mental health development and complete their studies well.
5. Carry out targeted mental health education. The society is complex, and the mental health education in schools inevitably has a popular side, which has its particularity for every child. Parents and children have the most contact. According to the usual observation, at different stages of their growth, we can find more different psychological problems. Parents can take positive identification and understanding methods, rather than simply judging right and wrong, so that children can take fewer detours, so as to better devote their energy to their studies.
6. Educate your children with your healthy attitude and good quality. "Parents are children's mirrors" means that parents always play a guiding and exemplary role in the process of children's growth. Lu Xun also said, "Even the dialogue between parents is actually for the children." Therefore, in the most important school for children, parents as teachers should first instill and guide their children with their healthy mentality, such as self-confidence, tolerance, humility and optimism, as well as good qualities of honesty, democracy, law-abiding and professionalism, so that they can imitate their parents involuntarily for a long time and form a psychological set until they consciously do it. A parent who often leaves home asks his children to stay at home faithfully. Such education is undoubtedly futile.
7. Use your mature life and rich experience to influence your children. Middle school students are in a period of gradual maturity. If parents appear as a "mature person" who has been fully honed in society and can control the world, especially with rich experience, they can not only lead their parents as role models and confidants, but also urge their children to strive for maturity consciously. Parents don't have to admit their failure, which can be used as part of rich experience to give their children indirect "frustration education", and parents don't have to avoid the ongoing efforts to influence and educate their children as a display of their mature side. Never show yourself in front of them, desperate and world-weary. Once the image of parents collapses in the child's mind, his nostalgia for home is discounted, and it is not impossible to think of running away from home.
8. Respect children with your equal attitude and sincere words and deeds. Sun Yunxiao, deputy director of China Youth Research Center, pointed out: "Without respect, there is no education". However, in the tradition of China, children are not considered to have the same rights as adults. What needs to be pointed out here is that in China's traditional concept of family education, parents, as parents, undoubtedly have unquestionable authority, and it is difficult for children to achieve equality and real mutual respect only by keeping their words. In fact, only by respecting children with an equal attitude and sincere words and deeds can children communicate with you, tell you their troubles and pains, parents get a chance to relieve their troubles, and sincerely persuade their children to give up the idea of running away from home.
9. Pay attention to children with your careful observation and thorough analysis. On the surface, middle school students suddenly run away from home, but there are still some precursors, such as extreme words and deeds, sudden emotions and so on. In this regard, parents should know their children in time, pay close attention to them, deeply and accurately analyze the root causes of their extreme words and deeds, and achieve early prevention. Generally speaking, the mother's observation is more detailed and the father's analysis is more accurate. Therefore, parents should exchange information in a timely manner, and must not relax their vigilance because of disagreement between the two sides. Moreover, they should not ignore the attention and analysis of their children because they have no time and energy, resulting in their children leaving suddenly under the influence of some accidental factors.
10, educate children with their own moderate judgment and appropriate constraints. In the process of growing up, middle school students sometimes develop some bad habits due to various factors, such as laziness, lying, bullying, truancy and so on. Parents should clearly judge what is good and what is bad, tell them seriously and clearly, and give appropriate constraints, such as prohibition, criticism, and admitting mistakes. And should not be ambiguous or even intentionally or unintentionally encouraged. Their consciousness is generally poor and their control is improper. It is inevitable that their words and deeds will go astray, even their personality defects and psychological distortions. Running away from home is a concrete manifestation of their conduct disorder. In order to prevent them from being "wronged", some parents spoil and connive in every way, which leads them to be indiscriminate and lawless, but leads them to retreat and run away from home when they have to bear the responsibility and face certain pressure.
1 1. Use your patience and science to help and correct children. Once they have all kinds of extreme words and deeds and abnormal behaviors, parents should, on the premise of timely insight, help and correct them with enough patience and scientific methods that suit the remedy to the case, such as long talk, sincere understanding, persuasion by reasoning, emotional action, etc., help them sort out and analyze their current difficulties and personality weaknesses, explore ways to correct them step by step, and never "beat and scold" at will. The simpler and ruder the practice, the more extreme the child will go and run whenever he has the chance. Some children who run away from home have been scolded and severely punished by their parents after they come home voluntarily. Children who are afraid of despair will run away again when their parents are unprepared, and there is no news from them.
12, use your own timely stop and resolute action to save the child. When parents find that a confused and indignant child is about to leave home or has already left home on impulse, they must take decisive measures, resolutely stop it, find it in time, and never let the child leave home angrily.
13, don't be coquetry, don't care. The ancients said: "Although you love it, it is really harmful; Although I love it, I actually hate it. " This is the best annotation to the word "pet". Children who are overindulged by their families are afraid of hardship, cowardice and can't stand setbacks; Or strong dependence, lack of awareness of independent development; Or arrogant; Or no ambition, no enterprise. In a word, doting is harmful.
14, don't let go of your attention. Laissez-faire means that parents are indifferent to their children's behavior, regardless. As a result, children cannot safely pass through the dangerous period of youth. Therefore, as parents, we should pay special attention to children in the critical period of youth.
15, don't control the emotional system. Some parents know the importance of family education, but the ways and means of education are improper, and they often use simple and rude means such as beating, cursing and scaring to control it, or keep their children at home and keep them out of contact with the outside world, making them timid and withdrawn, lacking the ability to deal with interpersonal relationships, and some of them are rude and violent, which seriously affects their healthy growth. The kinship system is to encourage parents to influence with love and educate with heart. When children make mistakes, help them analyze the reasons, point out the harm, or give guidance; When children have disputes with their parents, they should be willing to put down their "dignity", obey their parents when they are right, patiently persuade their parents when they are wrong, establish equal and mutual friendship with their parents, and grow up with them. When a child's academic performance is not satisfactory, he should not be vilified, and he should not be alienated and neglected with a self-destructive attitude. Instead, we should get close to him, comfort him, encourage and support him to overcome obstacles in his studies. At the same time, we should face up to children's learning ability, don't force children to squeeze the wooden bridge on the issues of further education and employment, and create a relaxed and harmonious family environment for children. In addition, we should support the communication between children and classmates. Once a child has made friends with a bad child, don't simply interfere, but patiently give advice and let the children learn to live together. This is also one of the viability.
Every child is different because of his unique personality. Parents should understand and discover the characteristics of their children, let them understand the truth that "I was born useful", and constantly create conditions and opportunities to give full play to their potential wisdom, talent and ability, because this is the real source of life for everyone. Once a child's potential is discovered and displayed, he will be completely different from before, and then his potential will be transferred to various fields such as moral behavior and interpersonal relationships, and even revealed from his appearance. Children's self-esteem and self-confidence will also be stimulated, and their personal values will be reflected accordingly. I hope parents will pay attention to and discover their children's personality, differences and uniqueness, and show them so that children can find their proper position in their growth and development. In a word, family education is a complex systematic project, which has a long way to go and needs constant exploration and development. I believe that family education will be concerned by more and more people, and the glory of family education will definitely come!