It turned out to be her 3-year-old son, who took it home after school and found a toy in his schoolbag. The classmate was a little puzzled and asked his son how this toy came from. At first, my son faltered and asked a few more questions, only to know that he had brought his classmates' toys home privately.
Seeing this scene, the students were a little suspicious of their son's "stealing" behavior, but they were afraid of labeling the child suddenly, which would lead to serious consequences, so they came to my house to find a way together.
When it is found that a child suddenly brings "strange" things home, don't characterize the child's behavior first, but look at the reasons behind it, so as to guide the child more objectively without hurting the child.
The reality is that when parents first discover that their children have signs or behaviors of "stealing", they often immediately think that their children are "stealing". Like my classmates, I began to doubt.
In fact, when we enter the children's world, we will find that it is far less complicated than we thought, but simpler and simpler. With more and more understanding of children's world, the problem of "stealing" will be solved.
From the perspective of child psychology, children are often self-centered before primary school. Although the consciousness of property rights has sprouted, it has not yet fully formed. Children in this period, when they see what they like, the first thing they think of is to take it away and take it for themselves.
This stems from the child's possessiveness. He will be driven by curiosity to get something he has never played with, so he will choose to take it away quietly.
However, the occurrence of this behavior is not the same as what adults call "stealing". The former is that the child's mind is not mature enough to know the consequences and nature, while the latter knows the consequences and still does it.
Parents' first reaction to stealing is very important.
Not emphasizing the behavior and consequences of "stealing" to children immediately is not to shelve this matter, but to give correct guidance and education after children adjust their attitude towards this matter.
Education is not an endless accusation, but a statement of what happened. It is wrong to let children know where things belong and take other people's things.
Education should not hurt children's self-esteem. Especially for some children who simply like toys, maybe one injury can leave a long shadow in their hearts. Tell the child what happened and tell him what to do.
Education still arouses children's confrontation and disgust towards themselves. If children are defined as "stealing", this is the unbearable weight of children's lives, and the label has been attached to their hearts since then.
Once this happens, it will arouse children's rebellious psychology and start to hate themselves and think that they are not good.
If the child is blamed too seriously, it will lose the educational significance of this matter and push the child to the bad side. This is not our original intention of educating children.
Educate children, not as prosecutors to find out "criminals", but through this matter, how to guide children in a better direction, recognize mistakes and correct them, which is a great kindness.
Seeing a foreign father's way of dealing with children's "stealing" in Weibo can be described as textbook level, which is worth learning.
Dad: What's that in your hand?
Son: Chocolate.
Dad: Really? Did we pay?
Son: No.
Dad: Is there? (again)
Son: No. ...
Dad: boring! This is not a prank! We can't steal. (show attitude, tell the truth)
At this time, my son skipped to the shelf and tried to put the chocolate back, but his father stopped him. )
Dad: You must tell this waitress. Dad pointed to the front and a waitress was standing there.
(At this point, my son's expression began to change. He said, "I'm so ashamed." He was embarrassed to cling to his father and didn't want to leave, but his father insisted. )
Dad: Are you afraid? (empathize with the child and calm his emotions first) Can you do it again? You must give it to her (the waitress) in person.
Finally, the child covered his crying eyes, handed it to the waitress and got a "thank you". )
When children take other people's things, we should not only let them know that it is wrong to take other people's things at will. At the same time, let him pay a little price and teach him to admit his mistake and remember it.
In this process, properly let the child realize this mistake, remember this lesson, and don't hurt him with words.
A child should be allowed to make corresponding mistakes at an appropriate age, such as lying, fighting and stealing. Guide more, reprimand less, and don't think children are bad children.
When children grow up, it is precisely because of every trial and error that they know what is right when they grow up.
Writer San Mao once told about his experience of stealing five dollars from his mother. With five dollars in his hand, he felt very uncomfortable. It was not until he returned it to his mother that he really breathed a sigh of relief.
Sanmao's mother had seen everything for a long time, but when she finally saw the money, she still said, "It's probably the wind! Just find it. "
From then on, parents suddenly took care of Sanmao's children's pocket money, and each child bought a box of imported candy for one yuan a month.
Sanmao told her mother about stealing money when she grew up, and her mother smiled and said she didn't remember.
According to many people, when I was a child, I had the same experience of stealing as Sanmao. I feel bad when I steal. Stealing is not necessarily a bad boy, but once it is not well guided, it is likely to leave a shadow in the child's heart.
Then, how to guide children correctly, in short, can carry out these three steps:
When you see a child holding something that doesn't belong to you, don't accuse the child of "stealing" first and label him. Once the label is printed in the child's mind, it is not easy to remove it. Don't even look at the child with the eyes of "looking at thieves" and let him feel it.
You can ask your child first, "Where did things come from?" Let the children tell you slowly. Then ask, "Why did you take it home?" "Do you like it? Or other reasons? " Know the cause and effect, and then tell the child the ownership of the item.
You can tell your children that everyone can only take their own things, and other people's things can only be picked up and played with with the consent of the children. You can't take toys home. Then teach children to put themselves in their shoes. "What would you do if someone took your toy away?"
Finally, let the children take the initiative to admit their mistakes. In this process, parents cannot do it. In this way, children can realize from the bottom of their hearts what is right and what is wrong, and also have the ability to distinguish right from wrong.
Every child's growth experience is different, and "stealing" cannot be treated as a whole. We need to make random changes according to the situation at that time. Sometimes we can use Sanmao's mother's "soft method" or "three-step" hard method, which requires parents to distinguish with wisdom.
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