The first pillar: unconditional love
The so-called "unconditional love" is your love for your children, without exchange, intimidation or threat. I feel that my love is also conditional. Maybe because of occupational diseases, I've always wanted to say that one is the other, and children are emotional before resisting themselves. My tone has changed, but fortunately I can reflect it in time.
(1) True love does not need to be exchanged.
Under normal circumstances, people will take it for granted that parents' love for their children is "unconditional love", but in real life, people often attach various conditions. For example, if a child wants a toy, the parents will ask the child how many points he scored in the exam before agreeing to the child's request.
For another example, some parents will stipulate that children can be rewarded for watching 10 cartoons for 60 minutes. Children will find watching cartoons more interesting than studying. Since childhood, I have planted seeds in my children's hearts that I don't like learning.
(2) There is no requirement to be home.
No requirement is unconditional love, and there is no love with any attached conditions. Especially when children are wronged outside, they will first think of telling their parents, and then they will feel the warmth of the family.
(3) Accept the imperfection of children.
Unconditional love is not doting, but a kind of tolerance with boundaries. Parents have no right to speak, no norms, no boundaries in key periods and key issues, and children feel insecure.
Every child makes mistakes, or the exam is not ideal, or the practice is not good. Parents should learn to accept their children's imperfections and find the bright spots, which is the direction to promote their growth and progress.
The second pillar: values
Values determine how high a child can fly. When a person has a sense of value, he will know that he is worthy of being loved, his heart will be full of vitality, full of hope for the future and have a high degree of enthusiasm for life.
A child has been looking for two things all his life, one is called "sense of belonging" and the other is called "sense of value" A sense of belonging means that a person should know which family he belongs to and be unconditionally tolerant and accepted in the family group. Sense of value is to cultivate children into people with ideals, pursuits and ambitions.
When a person realizes that his life is valuable, he will not give up on himself easily. Let children fully participate in family life, such as doing housework. When children show their contribution to the family, express your feelings and gradually cultivate their sense of value.
The third pillar: the mentality of lifelong growth
Almost all the beautiful virtues you can see are behind the thinking mode of lifelong growth. And all the wrong ways of thinking, wrong behavior habits and wrong personality you see represent fixed ways of thinking.
So, how can children get a "lifelong growth mentality"? You might as well try the following two methods:
(1) Positive language interaction
Establishing unconditional love and sense of value is the premise of cultivating children's lifelong growth mentality. As a parent, the most important thing is to help your child instead of constantly judging him.
The growth of a child comes from various interactions with parents. Parents need to communicate with their children in positive language, instead of constantly judging their children and labeling them with various negative labels.
(2) Pay attention to the process
This is easy to understand. Parents should not always stare at the results and rankings, learn to praise their children, and must praise their process and motivation, not the results.
Finally, I want to reiterate the three pillars of modern family education: unconditional love, sense of value and lifelong growth mentality.