First, the role of middle school students' interpersonal communication in personal growth and success
The main task of middle school students is to study, and no one can blame them, but learning scientific and cultural knowledge is not their only task. In addition, the cultivation of good moral character, aesthetic activities and interpersonal communication are also compulsory courses in their lives. As far as interpersonal communication objects are concerned, they are mainly family members, teachers and friends of the same age.
What is interpersonal communication? Interpersonal communication refers to the process in which people exchange information and feelings with each other by using linguistic sign system or non-linguistic sign system in social life. Generally speaking, it is the process of people's extensive contact with society and establishing various contacts with others.
Interpersonal communication has a great positive effect on personal growth and success, which is mainly manifested in: (1) enabling people to exchange information and ideas. As the saying goes, "a word with you is better than ten years of study", which fully illustrates the role of interpersonal communication. (2) can eliminate inner loneliness. Problems often occur in life, which often makes people feel disheartened and lonely. When these things happen, I am most afraid of being alone. Interpersonal communication is the best way to get rid of loneliness. It can pour out the bitterness, sadness and sadness in one's heart, relieve psychological pressure, and gain the strength and courage of life from others at the same time. (3) be able to coordinate interpersonal relationships. Communication can not only make people learn knowledge and enhance their feelings, but also eliminate misunderstanding, an important factor of disharmony in interpersonal relationships. Misunderstanding is a big "public hazard" in interpersonal relationship, which is mainly caused by mutual ignorance. Communication can enhance the understanding between people, eliminate barriers and lubricate interpersonal relationships. (4) It can promote people's maturity. In the process of communication, we can learn from each other's origins, ways of dealing with people, ideological level and moral cultivation. At the same time, we can also experience our influence on others and others' influence on ourselves in communication, and conduct introspection and self-adjustment according to others' reactions to their words and deeds, so as to gradually improve ourselves and form sound personality characteristics to adapt to the complex society.
Second, the current situation of interpersonal communication among contemporary middle school students
Most middle school students nowadays are enthusiastic, cheerful, sociable, energetic and active in thinking. However, some students are influenced by various factors, indifferent to others and willing to be self-enclosed. For example, the ability of social participation and social communication is weak, they are unwilling to participate in any activities, have no interest in communication, and are indifferent to people and things; The consciousness of independent cooperation is weak, people often judge others only by the single thinking of "good people" or "bad people", and their ability to distinguish right from wrong, beauty, ugliness, good and evil is poor; The psychological endurance in communication is weak and easy to be hinted. Feeling fragile when frustrated, many students are timid, cowardly and willful. A few days ago, the author conducted two surveys in a middle school in Guilin (up to 1.204 person-times). From the results, the students' scores in "self-cultivation" are only 64%, caring for others is 69%, being strict with others is 765,438+0%, being modest and polite is 765,438+0%, and being filial to parents is 73%, which also shows the current part.
The author once met such a middle school student in practical work: when Li was young, his parents divorced and lived with his father. My father loves him dearly, but because of his busy work, he often goes out early and returns late, so he has to use "money" to express his concern and love for his son. Whenever he makes progress in the exam and does well at home, he will be praised by the teacher at school ... he will be rewarded with several dollars. In order to prevent him from going home on time and playing on the road, his father specially bought him a computer to study and play games online at home. Since indulging in computer games, Li has become more and more selfish, indifferent and withdrawn. At school, he never let himself suffer. Someone accidentally put some ink on his clothes, and he must ask others for compensation. The student is in trouble and he is unwilling to help; He is even more unwilling to participate in class activities, which makes his relationship with his classmates very disharmonious. At home, he always asks his elders how to care and take care of him. He loses his temper when something goes wrong, but never considers how to take care of his elders. Once, his father had a bad headache and told him to go to the drugstore to buy some medicine. He ran out happily with the money, but he didn't come home two hours later. His father was in a hurry. He didn't know where he was going, so he went to see him, but at this time he was enjoying himself in the Internet cafe. When my father found him, he was so angry that he couldn't even speak, but he was very sad: what made my son like this?
Third, the reasons why some middle school students' interpersonal skills are blocked.
So, what makes some of our students' feelings a little "cold" and selfish? The author believes that the reasons can be found in three aspects.
1. From the social point of view: (1) With the establishment of the socialist market economic system, people's ideas and life values are undergoing new changes. Some negative effects of reform and opening up and market economy, such as the theory that money is everything, power and money are traded, and everyone is selfish, have a great influence on middle school students. In the case, after seeing several examples of money being omnipotent and trading power and money in the media, Li believes that in today's society, with money, anything can be done, and the relationship between people can be simplified as the relationship between people and money. He believes that the true feelings between people do not need to be paid, and the true feelings for others are measured by the amount of money. This view will naturally affect their positive degree of interaction with others. Therefore, he believes that friendship with relatives and friends is bought with "money". (2) After 1990s, with the rapid development of computer industry, the popularity of computers and information networks has enriched students' interests and broadened their horizons. However, we should also see that after the school reduces the burden, students have more spare time, and there is always no one to take care of them. Therefore, some middle school students are keen on video games or chat rooms in Internet cafes, which may also cause their indifference in interpersonal relationships with others and reduce their life and life experience. Take Li as an example. Since he became obsessed with computers, he has been playing games and chatting on the Internet whenever he has time, and has never gone anywhere. Even when he is addicted, he is too lazy to answer his friends' phone calls, and his homework is messy to cope with the teacher. He built all his happiness on the Internet. Gradually, he didn't want to talk to his parents and teachers, and his former partners alienated him. Because the computer shows students a more virtual world, students' inner emotional experience is often distorted and divorced from the real world. When students step into the living social reality, their emotional halls will collapse. At the same time, the communication between students and computers is more a dialogue between people and things, and students' emotional input is often answered by physical objects. If they indulge in this for a long time, their emotions will inevitably become numb, ignoring the normal communication between people in reality.
2. From the school's point of view: (1) Under the baton of "senior high school entrance examination" and "college entrance examination", under the invisible pressure of invisible ranking after each unified examination, although every school sings about implementing quality education, it can correctly grasp the exam-oriented education, attaching importance to wisdom and neglecting morality, ranking first in scores and ranking first. Grasping moral education is also satisfied with students' discipline and not causing trouble to teachers, but it is often mandatory to call on students to show love, take the initiative to care for others and organize public welfare activities. How to teach them to learn to "care about others", realize what benefits this will bring to themselves, express their love for others and establish good interpersonal relationships, school education seems a bit inadequate. (2) There are many new problems in real life. Students feel very different from what the teacher said, and the teacher can't explain them clearly. According to the theory of the textbook, it is really unclear. Therefore, in moral education, our common phenomenon is that students get high scores in moral education transcripts, which can be clearly stated. Whether he believes it or not depends on what they have done. So unconsciously, the relationship between middle school students and teachers is alienated and indifferent, and the influence of teachers on students is reduced over time. (3) In teaching, teachers sometimes consciously or unconsciously "favor" students with good learning and "favor" students with poor learning, which will not only affect the relationship between poor students and teachers, but also cause envy and hostility of poor students with good learning, resulting in tension between them, mutual neglect and lack of care. Sometimes, those poor students often gloat when they learn well.
3. From the perspective of family influence, the failure of family education for children is worrying. In a family, a good parent-child relationship is based on love. Love is essentially composed of two parts: being loved and giving love. All sincere love is mutual assistance, produced in experience and developed in communication. In reality: (1) Some families are busy making money and are only willing to pay for their children rather than spend time and energy. They transfer the responsibility of educating their children to the school, and their emotional communication with their children is getting less and less, and their feelings are becoming more and more indifferent. Just like Li's father in the case, he was too busy with business to take care of the care and education of his children. You can only communicate with your son with money, thinking that rewarding him with money can fully show your love for his son. This may remind children that parents' feelings for their children are just a pile of money, let alone others. What can others do with me? It is difficult to have real concern between people. At home, if there is no "being loved", of course, there is no "giving love", which greatly reduces the concern of a few students for others and produces the phenomenon of "indifference" to people. (2) Some families only "give" to their children, not "return" and do not guide them to "give love". This one-way and half-blocked love has caused children's emotional deformity. They only know that their parents care about themselves, but they don't know that they should care about their parents, let alone others. Just like Li in the case only knows how to enjoy love, but when his father is ill, he doesn't know how to care and take care of the people he loves. Even let him buy medicine, but he took the money to drill in the computer room, thinking only about his own happiness and throwing the pain of his loved ones outside the cloud nine. (3) In some families, parents are absolutely authoritative and children have no right to speak at all, so most children in the family are introverted and unwilling to associate with others. (4) Under the general situation of reducing staff and increasing efficiency and developing economy, some parents of students are unemployed. No matter what causes unemployment, these parents deeply feel the crisis of survival, so they educate their children that only by studying hard, getting into a good university in the future and learning their majors can they find a good job, so that they can not be as tired as they are, and learning is the first priority, and nothing else needs to be taken care of. Students see the actual situation at home and think that their parents are right, so they care less about people outside the family, resulting in good parent-child relationship, indifferent relationship with other members of society, willingness to learn good communication, and lack the spirit of extensive communication and learning from others. (5) Nowadays, most middle school students are only children at home, and one person enjoys six kinds of love at the same time: parents, grandparents and grandparents. No matter what the details, everyone will do everything for him. Living in a comfortable family environment will inevitably form their lazy, willful and selfish behavior habits, and their psychology is extremely fragile and narrow, which will affect their sincere communication with others.
Fourthly, the main measures to cultivate middle school students' interpersonal communication.
We all know and admit that interpersonal communication plays an important role in personal growth and success. Relevant experts also believe that a person's IQ accounts for 20% of his career success and happiness, which determines his life; Emotional quotient (EQ) accounts for 80% and dominates life. The so-called emotional intelligence refers to: knowing your own emotions, properly managing your own emotions, self-motivating, understanding others' emotions, stimulating others' emotions, and establishing good interpersonal relationships. Efforts to establish harmonious interpersonal relationships are the concentrated expression of the development of emotional intelligence. And the famous American educator and psychologist Dale? After long-term practice, Carnegie came to a similar conclusion: a person's success is only 65,438+05% because of his professional skills, while 85% depends on his interpersonal relationship and his behavioral ability. Middle school students, as a special group, shoulder the heavy responsibility of building China into a powerful socialist modernization country in this century. To accomplish this sacred historical mission, their intellectual factors are very important. Similarly, their healthy emotional world and good interpersonal coordination ability are also crucial. Facing the reality that some students lack interpersonal communication in real life, what should we do?
The author believes that a good social environment is the basis of prevention and control, correct school education is an important factor, reasonable family education is a necessary condition, and strengthening students' self-cultivation is the key.
1, a good social environment is the prevention and control of the next generation of the motherland, and the whole society has the responsibility. Now, students prefer to read books, newspapers and TV, and get information and knowledge from various media. Therefore, the media should not exaggerate the dark side of society, objectively analyze the reasons and expose the truth, and strike hard, but don't "sweep a boat full of people." In addition, the development of science and technology has brought great changes to people's lives, but we should also see its shortcomings. Everything has advantages and disadvantages, so we should look at the problem comprehensively. It is necessary to give full play to the positive role of the development of computer industry in students' study and life, and to minimize its adverse effects on middle school students and strengthen the management of this industry. All walks of life have the responsibility to create a good social environment, which is in line with reality and can guide the correct development of middle school students. Li in the case should have a correct understanding of surfing the Internet, and should use computers to help you increase your knowledge and play some entertainment games appropriately. However, because middle school students' self-control ability is not strong, the society should limit the time and content of middle school students' surfing the Internet, and don't let them be influenced by bad ideas or indulge in surfing the Internet.
Correct school education is an important factor. For students, school is an important place for them to study, live and receive all kinds of education, so correct education in this respect is very important. On the one hand, teachers should prepare lessons carefully to ensure that the teaching quality does not go backwards; On the other hand, they should create or make use of various opportunities to teach students ideological education and methods of being a man, to ensure the healthy development of students' body and mind, and to enable students to learn to be a man, learn to survive, learn to care, learn to communicate and learn to appreciate beauty. For example, (1) teachers should dare to face the dark side of reality in teaching, conduct correct guidance, analyze the causes of its emergence and existence, and guide them to learn to look at the overall situation: this counterexample is not the mainstream in China, but only a few cases. (2) The school can provide students with all kinds of game materials, facilities and opportunities to simulate real social life, so that students can learn to communicate in games and learn rich social knowledge and ability; Or organize some interest groups, which can not only improve students' cultural literacy, but also allow students to exchange ideas and feelings with each other in cooperation. Later, I invited Li in the case to join the school's biology interest group. Every day after school, he and his classmates go to the biological corner to collect animal and plant specimens and exchange ideas and methods with them. His relationship with his classmates has gradually improved, and he has become more and more lively and cheerful. (3) Let students manage and educate themselves in the class collective, and implement the cadre rotation system, so that more people have the opportunity to exercise; In addition, the class collective should find a "post" for each student to give full play to his special skills, and form interpersonal relationships of democracy, equality, friendship, mutual assistance and learning among students; The education of love can also be carried out in class and team activities to guide students to learn the art of communication; As a teacher, we should treat people equally in all aspects and try our best to create a good atmosphere of teacher-student relationship and student-student relationship. Through observation, I found that Li has a strong interest in mathematics, so I encouraged him to choose a math representative and appointed him to help several "underachievers". He hesitated at first, but with the constant encouragement of everyone, he began to work boldly, seriously and patiently. After a semester, his scores in all subjects have improved, and his math scores have also reached a higher level in the whole class. His classmates all admire him, which increases his self-confidence. (4) Expand students' social circle through visits, interviews, social surveys, and participation in "hand in hand" activities, so that students can see the world in social practice and grow their talents through exercise. (5) Guide students' interpersonal communication in the family, educate students to honor their parents and elders, know how to care for others, learn to express their opinions to their parents, participate in the construction of family culture, and live in harmony with their neighbors. I take advantage of the political lesson to teach students how to care and respect others and how to deal with the relationship between good people. In short, schools should implement the requirements of quality education, and truly achieve "all for children, all for children, and a small guarantee for children"? Fresh σ? Happy, sad and dizzy, what do you think of the emperor's oil? Leftovers? Yellow? Ugly? Oh? Ruthenium. What? What happened? Ask for it? The more? Mi Yue fucked a man to unload? What's Mu Yan's name? Mode？ Union? Kill about drought again? Can you forgive me for falling? Run away? ぷ?ぷ? Anti-sacredness? ρ ρ! What are you talking about? Gu Dao? What about ether grazing in the dam? Cinnamon chopping wood? ! ? BR & gt
3. Reasonable family education is a necessary condition. Family environment plays an important role in the formation and development of a person's personality, knowledge, experience, thoughts, personality, behavior habits, hobbies and special talents. Therefore, as parents, on the one hand, they should be aware of their responsibility to raise their children, not only to "raise" but also to "educate", and pay attention to strengthening spiritual communication with their children, such as listening to their opinions, giving them an equal say and choosing a good one. I talked to Li's father about the child's interpersonal communication. I hope parents can spend as much time with their children as possible every day and chat with them like friends. The effect is good. When Li came home, he first asked his father to tell him the "news" of the day at school and share his happiness and sadness with him. As parents, they also keep abreast of their children's latest psychological trends and enhance the relationship between father and son. On the other hand, we should pay attention to optimizing the way of raising children and cultivating children's good communication concepts. When children are "loved", that is, enjoying their parents' love, they should be taught to "give love", that is, repay their parents with the same love and form healthy, complete and flowing love. Love, only by flowing, can make children's love change from "being loved" to "giving love", and promote children to form a healthy, enthusiastic, intimate and harmonious parent-child relationship, from loving parents to loving teachers, classmates and others, and form a good personality and become a filial parent under the influence of parents' love.
4. Strengthening students' self-cultivation is the key. Materialist dialectics tells us that the internal cause is the foundation of the development of things, the external cause is the condition of the development of things, and the external cause works through the internal cause. Good social environment, correct school education and reasonable family education only provide necessary external conditions for students to form and develop good interpersonal skills. The key lies in their willingness to strengthen self-cultivation. They are willing to receive education that is beneficial to their own development in all aspects and are willing to be strict with themselves. At the same time, you can combine your own personal experience, accumulate experience, and move forward towards the established goals. As far as Li is concerned, since he realized that he lacked interpersonal communication, he secretly made up his mind to try his best to regain the nourishment of friendship. Through his own thinking and practice, he believes that the key to a good interpersonal relationship is sincere dedication, such as knowing how to respect and care for others, being honest with relatives and friends, and keeping promises. Exchange sincerity for friendship. Secondly, we should learn to take the initiative to care for and help others. Especially when others are in trouble, we should take the initiative to extend a warm hand and cultivate friendship enthusiastically. Again, don't haggle over some different opinions or small frictions between friends, learn to understand and maintain friendship with tolerance ... After a semester of education from teachers and parents, mainly Li's active cooperation, he has changed a lot. Now at home, seeing that my father is busy at work, he will take the initiative to undertake some housework within his power and know how to share the worries for his loved ones. He is active in school. As a representative of the discipline, I actively assist teachers to manage classes, actively help classmates and enthusiastically help others. At the end of the term, he was rated as "three good students" and "excellent class cadres". Students admire him very much and are willing to make friends with him. He is also very proud of himself. Enjoying the warmth of friendship, he is now marching towards the municipal "civilized demonstration student".
Psychologists point out that cooperation is the key to determine whether a child can succeed in the future. Being able to cooperate requires a person to have good interpersonal concepts and communication skills. The division of labor in modern society is very fine, and no one can "win the world". No one can succeed without the cooperation of others. Being able to live in harmony with others is the most important quality in life. Without harmonious interpersonal relationships, knowledge, wisdom and wealth are meaningless. Therefore, society, schools and families should pay more attention to the emotional world of middle school students and cultivate their correct and good interpersonal concepts and communication skills, which are very important for their personal success and the development of the country.