It would be a pity if parents didn't know these viewpoints when educating their children!
(1) Mistakes are the best opportunities for further study.
I saw this sentence in Positive Discipline. I was shocked when I saw this sentence!
I haven't heard that mistakes can bring opportunities for further study. After every mistake, most children, including adults, will be criticized. Children will be criticized by teachers and parents, and adults will be criticized by leaders and family members.
Few people stand on the other side to look at mistakes and face them.
In fact, behind every mistake, there is room for improvement.
At least we know this road won't work. Furthermore, we can consider which roads we can take.
What is the best way to raise children? There are four parenting concepts suitable for every family.
For example:
It's of little use for us to just criticize when children's test scores are low. Every child wants to get a higher score in the exam, and if he doesn't do well in the exam, the child is already very lost, and it will be even worse if parents criticize him again.
We can tell our children: "Test scores are your reference for further studies. The score is not high this time. Mom knows you are a little sad. However, it also means that you have a lot of room for improvement! "
When children feel recycled and understood by us, when children are not surrounded by setbacks, when children calm down, we can analyze and think with children about how to improve their grades and which weaknesses need to be strengthened.
Another example is:
When a child accidentally breaks the glass, we can say, "Baby, it doesn't matter. From this incident, we know that glass is fragile, isn't it?" Do we know what to do next time? "
The child will definitely answer: "I know! I will hold it carefully. "
(2) First mentality, then things.
This sentence applies not only to parents, but also to couples.
When we are angry or sad, we can't think rationally, and it's not a good time to deal with our grades.
When a child may be losing his temper, it is best to give himself time to calm down and deal with his emotions first. Maybe he can help the child deal with his emotions first. When everyone calms down, we can move on to the next step.
What is the best way to raise children? There are four parenting concepts suitable for every family.
For example:
Children have just learned to write, and they are very demanding of themselves. He writes once and erases once. The more he wrote, the more dissatisfied he became and he began to cry.
At this time, if you go to reason with your child: "The handwriting is beautiful, don't erase it! Stop crying! It's no use crying. It is better to think about how to write well! ……"
You have said these words many times, and the child will not listen to a word of smallpox.
Because the child is in an emotional moment, his ears are closed.
We must first empathize with the child's mentality: "I have written so many times, but I still can't write the words I am satisfied with." Are you depressed and sad? " Can mom do something for you? Otherwise, come on, mom. Give you a hug, okay? "
When a child knows that he is infected by his mother's understanding, his mood will naturally calm down.
Be careful that when the mood gets better and the brain can think, the following leadership and communication will be useful.
(3) Focus on results.
Everyone has feelings, and we all lose our temper with our children.
Any emotion can be recycled, but the behavior brought by emotion is right and wrong.
If, because of something, we lose our temper, maybe the child loses his temper, and it's not a big deal when everyone calms down.
We need to sit on it during the war, respectfully discuss with our children what makes us lose our temper, talk about infection and brainstorm how to deal with it.
What should I do next time I encounter similar results?
We should give our children a space to talk, and we should trust them. Maybe they will provide me with some unexpected methods.
(d) Every action of the child is either expressing love or calling for love.
When I first heard this sentence, the strangeness gave me a great shock.
Every child's seemingly obedient actions are children's confessions of love for us;
Every child's seemingly bad behavior is that the child is calling for our love.
Children don't know their basic needs. Only through bad behavior in the process can mothers care about themselves.
What is the best way to raise children? There are four parenting concepts suitable for every family.
For example:
A two-year-old sister is always dragging her feet on everything and always letting her mother push her. And the mother wants things and takes care of her brother, so she feels very anxious and always urges criticism and disappointment.
I told my mother that my sister's action was to summon love to you.
Because my brother hasn't gone to school yet, the time between my mother and my brother is smiling, uninvited and relaxed;
But my sister has to practice piano and learn vocal music when she goes to school. My mother's limited time with her is to urge her to do her homework, practice the piano and take her to various training classes.
My sister's feelings can't infect her mother's love and care, so she attracts more mothers' eyes and lets her see more in this way. Even if she is urged to criticize, it is better than being ignored.
This is the private logic in the child's heart.
They don't understand their deep-seated needs, only know that they have to take such actions.
Parents should see the needs behind their children's behaviors and their ability to basically handle their grades through these behaviors.
skill
These parenting concepts can be applied to every family and child.
But when using it, you should know your feelings and pay more attention to your purpose.
Never turn these methods into new beautiful objects to control children. Use these beautiful words to let children do things according to their own wishes. Then, you can't use these methods well. Because your "heart" is still temperate, you are still not allowed to let your child feel infected and act against your feelings.
Your "heart" will be perceived by children.
No matter how soft you speak, if you are restrained inside, the children will not cooperate. Because children are born experts in micro-expression, they can't say clearly, but they are very sensitive to infection.
We should understand children's feelings and infections, understand children's needs, and correctly respect and guide children. On this premise, these methods are useful.
Above, I hope I can help you.
I am a mother of two children, a lecturer in family education and a practitioner of "non-violent communication". I'm no expert. My original article was written according to my study and practice. I hope my friends can make constructive reference. I am very happy if I can give you some inspiration. I hope we can all be better ourselves and have a good parent-child relationship!