I'm reading a book recently, which is called "What the dumb child wants to say". One chapter is about "5 tips for raising happy, responsible and potential children".
Before learning these five tips, we should first understand nine emotional codes that children will naturally use: curiosity, happiness, surprise, distress, anger, fear, shame, nausea and disgust.
Tip 1: Allow children to fully and reasonably express all emotional passwords (try not to suppress their emotions).
Emotional passwords expressing happiness and curiosity are all positive emotional passwords; Expressing distress, anger, fear, shame, nausea and disgust are all negative emotional codes.
Tip 2: Encourage children to express their curiosity and happiness as much as possible (try to maximize their positive emotions).
For example, a child grabs a book or magazine and starts tearing it. If this book is not so precious, you might as well observe it for a period of time to see the child's reaction to the tearing sound, the feeling when tearing, and the tearing itself. Or you should ask yourself, is the child imitating his father's tearing up the newspaper? Then, let the children know that you recognize their interests and appreciate them: "Isn't this magazine great? The pattern on it is beautiful and the paper is great. " If you don't want your child to tear up the magazine, use another piece of paper instead and say to your child, "You can't tear up this magazine. Here is a piece of paper, you can play with it. "
Tip 3: Eliminate the factors that cause distress (eliminate the causes of their negative emotions as much as possible).
Some children cry whenever they see someone wearing glasses. If we ignore the child's performance, or ignore the child's crying, it will make the child mistakenly think that you don't understand the emotional password sent by him. This will not only help the child, but will make the child more and more distressed. In this case, we can pick up the child, turn our back on that person, ask that person to take off his glasses, or ask that person if he mind letting the child play with glasses, so as to eliminate the negative emotions of the child.
Tip 4: Use words to help children express emotional passwords.
For example, when a child is crying because he is hungry, it is not enough to just feed him, but also take time to talk to him: "I hear you, son, are you hungry now?" Let's find something to eat! " If a child is frightened by the sound of a car horn, you can say to him, "That sound is terrible and scares you." The children are swinging happily on the swing. Words can be used to enhance the positive feelings brought by this experience to children, and exaggerated voices can be made, such as "Wow-"or "You had a good time, didn't you?" These language descriptions not only recognize the child's feelings, but also describe the child's physical feelings in words.
Tip 5: Understand the child's wishes, he wants to be like an adult.
1 year-old Sonia walked behind the TV and looked at those wonderful wires and plugs. At this time, her father said quietly, "Sonia, if the plug is plugged into the socket, the wire will have electricity." If you touch it, you will get hurt. Come to me and I'll show you this dead wire and see what's going on. " Come and play this interesting ball! "Then Sonia went to her father, listened to his father's simple description about the use of wires and current, and went to play ball happily. At this time, my father might as well say, "Sonia, thank you for not playing with those wires." I love you. "
In this case, first of all, the father spoke to the child in a calm tone and intervened in her dangerous behavior. Although the child could not fully understand his father's meaning, she understood the meaning and tone of his speech. Secondly, he brought Sonia a very interesting thing-a dance. Finally, "thank you, I love you!" " "He affirmed the child's behavior with such positive language and guided Sonia to make behavioral changes and give rewards. All the actions and reactions of this father are giving Sonia some valuable experience, which will also help her grow into a kind, calm and emotionally harmonious adult in the future.