Psychologist Fromm believes that people may be able to endure all kinds of pains, such as hunger or oppression, but it is difficult to endure the most painful of all pains-that is, complete loneliness. Although mild and short-term loneliness will not lead to psychological and behavioral disorders, long-term or severe loneliness will lead to some emotional disorders and reduce people's mental health. Therefore, people should pay attention to all kinds of boring offensive behaviors or other behavioral problems, as well as all kinds of psychological diseases and ideological problems.
Some people will not feel lonely in the long process of being alone, and some people will feel lonely even in excitement and joy.
This year, my 80-year-old father came to the city where I live for hernia surgery and lived with my fourth brother for half a year. It was supposed that he lived in peace, we showed filial piety, and when the family enjoyed family happiness, his life seemed unhappy. In my miserable days, I didn't enjoy the pleasure of being a child's support obligation. On the contrary, he was resented "inexplicably" by his old father who was over eighty years old and lost the joy of fatherless filial piety. I don't have the kind of affection that my father passed on the phone when he came to my house.
I truly recorded this life between my father and me, and I want to find out the reason why we are unhappy from my father and me. I analyzed myself in extreme pain, and even hoped to find my own shadow from my father-I didn't know it was ugly, but I never convinced myself in my heart.
Sometimes, we are really angry and full of severe criticism of ourselves and others, especially those closest to us. But we have not lost confidence in life, our humanity has not disappeared, and we also have the ability to distinguish right from wrong. When we are awake, we feel that we are really not "heinous" people. Facts have proved that we are not wrong, and neither are our relatives.
Not long after my father left my house, my father-in-law came to the provincial capital for cholecystectomy. I suddenly found that this old man from the countryside, like my father, had the same behavior as his father at the beginning, and I had an epiphany about his "weirdness".
First, my recovering father-in-law clamored to go home, but my wife and I certainly refused.
So is my father. But unlike the old father-in-law, rural women are more cunning than men, and they are still the wisdom of life. At that time, my father vowed that "the hospital in such a big place as Nima has turned around this little problem of Laozi, and Laozi will go back to his hometown to find a trusted doctor to see it", while the old mother-in-law said euphemistically, "I have recovered, and I will go back to my hometown to recuperate slowly." Although their stories are different, they both want to go home.
My wife and I don't understand. We take care of them wholeheartedly. Why do they go home in a hurry when they know that their health has not fully recovered? Especially for the old mother-in-law, the wife is always inseparable. She talked to her and walked around her. She is not only afraid of not having enough to eat and wearing less clothes, but also worried about walking too much and talking for a long time. Even sitting and lying down, she is very careful, afraid that she will flash her waist. She is really careful and meticulous.
But the old woman just wants to leave.
Seeing my father-in-law leaning against the window alone, or sitting for a long time, staring blankly into the distance, is like my father. I feel strange in my heart: when my father was so worried about me, I was really afraid that my laziness would make my father sad, so that I was "hard" disappointed. I panicked at that time and immediately contacted my brothers to discuss countermeasures; Today, the same is true of old women. No matter what her thoughts are, she will not be as pessimistic as her old father!
I have been secretly observing for a long time, and I am puzzled.
One day I chatted with a familiar fellow villager, and the fellow villager told me something by chance, which made me realize.
The fellow villager said that one of his distant relatives went to Xinjiang to visit his son, who became an officer of a certain rank. He has been gone for a few days, and his father is really not used to everything in Xinjiang and wants to go back to his hometown. The son refused and ordered his Shi Qiangzhan to hold his father. It is natural for a son to honor Lao Zi. I didn't enjoy this blessing and died suddenly a few days later. Only then did the son know that his father really didn't adapt to the local climate or anything else, and he regretted it.
Of course, my father-in-law can't adapt to the climate of the city where I live. She often comes to my house to live. Combining with my old father's situation and observing my old woman, I finally know that my old woman has left her place of life for a long time, and she is inexplicably frightened in a strange place, plus her body is damaged, and she really wants to go back to her familiar place. Only familiarity will give her a sense of security and comfort. Also, she left her familiar hometown relatives for a long time, even those who had little to do with her on weekdays but still knew her. She is very reluctant to give them up in her "foreign land".
This is the local complex, isn't it?
We don't trust the old woman who hasn't fully recovered to leave. So, my wife took care of her more, and she staged a long trip to her hometown with the old woman, talking about this and that in her hometown, as well as people in her hometown, chickens, pigs, cats and dogs in her hometown, and mountains and rivers in her hometown.
So some "inexplicable" parents were short-lived, which made the old woman get excited slowly, but I was a little bored, so I hid in the study to read and write.
The wife is very virtuous. She has to "serve her mother-in-law" and buy food and cook. She is busy all day. Although I try my best to help, at best, I sometimes help move vegetables and wash dishes. My self-care ability is really not high.
It happened that I was busy with the manuscript for several days. After eating in a hurry, I hid in my study and worked hard. Sometimes I forget the meal time and call my wife again and again.
The old woman was unhappy, but there was no trace on her face. During the dinner, the old woman sighed again and again, complaining that her wife "ate too little" and "worked too much" and "it would be strange not to tire herself like this". After that, I just put vegetables in my wife's bowl and ate very little. The wife stopped her father-in-law, saying that all the meals at home were ready, and everyone could have enough to eat. Welcome the whole family.
The old father-in-law will get angry, beat the plate or rice bowl with chopsticks and say to his wife, "I'm here, and one more person will make me feel uncomfortable ..." I was a little surprised when I said this, but later I understood. After saying something else, the wife comforted the old woman and the family continued to eat.
Before the meal was finished, the old woman said to her wife, "You are tired all day. Let me wash the dishes ..."
Of course, my wife won't allow it, but my father-in-law is angry again: "It pains me to make you tired ..."
I had to "ha ha" and say "I'll go, I'll go", and my father-in-law had nothing to say.
In fact, I know that mothers love children. Even if I neglect occasionally, I want to make up for it. But an old lady from the countryside, no matter how clever she is in her hometown, has inevitable limitations.
Our parents are aging day by day, and their spiritual world was originally only infiltrated by family ties in the countryside; What soothes them is only the familiar smell of earth. If you really love them, the best way is to let them go back to their familiar world, and strange vanity will make them more lonely.