There is no denying that birth has a great influence on a person. But this is only part of the growth process. A large part of the course of life lies entirely in your own grasp and control. Life is a process of continuous learning and progress.
Foster strengths and avoid weaknesses, foster strengths and avoid weaknesses. This is the first thing to do when you leave your home. Is it worthy of your life to blindly carry the burden of being born in a family and not try to change?
Basic identity
Disagree.
Tell a story: There was a father who was addicted to alcohol and did nothing. Strangely, his two children grew up in the same environment, one became a lawyer and the other became a prisoner. When someone asked them why they came to this day, their answer was surprisingly consistent: "Who let us have such a father!" " "
"Who let us have such a father!" Because of such a father, a broken jar is broken, and one wants to change his destiny and make himself a strong man. Someone once said that what really affects you is not the surrounding environment, but your thinking and mentality.
Family conditions play a key role in a person's growth. But it is not decisive. Life is a marathon. Long-distance runner. Although I hesitated at first, I was slow. However, in the long-distance running, you can still catch up. The future is in your own hands.
Tell me about my own experience. I was born in a rural family. My parents were not ordinary in their time. They went out to travel when I was very young and had to put me in foster care with relatives. I didn't have any playmates before school. I like fishing, playing chess and other hobbies that are not in line with my age. Although boring, it also cultivated my patience and independent thinking ability. Before going to school, my parents pulled me to my side to help me with my primary school curriculum. Two people often teach me to recite new words and ancient poems. Once I made a mistake, I patted the back of my hand with chopsticks. Under this high-pressure teaching method, my parents are proud that I can learn irregular vocabulary by heart before going to school.
When I was in school age, my parents had a conflict once, and my father took me back to my hometown in the countryside directly. Later, my mother came over, and as a result, I started a real rural life for six years. It is a barren land, with no mountains, rivers and rich original ecological resources. This is a plain, only suitable for growing corn. Fortunately, I finally have a playmate, which makes my life rich and interesting.
Later, when I was in the third grade, my parents went out to foster me in my uncle's house. Let me tell you a few things that have had a profound impact on me during my three years with my parents. The first time happened in grade one or grade two. At school, I had a physical conflict with the bully who was several years older than me, and I suffered a loss. The reason is that this man asked me to run errands for him, but I refused and punched me. I was so wronged that I went home and told my parents. As a result, my parents have no intention of comforting me and helping me out. On the contrary, they accused me of being weak and a failure. This made me even more wronged, and I secretly vowed never to say such things to them again. Since then, I have often had contradictions. I refused to bow my head because of my thin body. Every time you suffer, you suffer silently. At that time, I formed the habit of not wanting to communicate with my parents.
The second thing happened in the third grade. I once won the second place in my class. I went home without saying anything, and my mother gave me a good beating, because before that, I was always the first in my class. From then on, I began to hate studying.
The third thing is that my mother once attended a wedding banquet in the countryside, including fried peanuts and snacks. This can be said to be delicious in rural areas where materials are scarce. At that time, my family was very poor, my father worked outside all the year round, and my mother took care of my brother and two children at home alone. Therefore, I cherish food very much. As a result, when my mother was not at home, I called some friends who often played together to my house and ate the delicious food wrapped by my mother in an instant. Later, my mother found out and cried while hitting me, but I couldn't figure out why she hit me anyway, which made me more silent.
When I was in the third grade, my parents took my brother out and put him in foster care at my uncle's house. My uncle and aunt are very kind to me and give me a relaxed growth space. I can play with my friends at will. They just take care of my life and don't care about anything else. Once I had a conflict with the school bully, and my uncle went directly to talk to the other parents. As a result, the bully never bullied me again Then I usually help them do some work that I can, such as feeding chickens. There is a chicken farm in my uncle's house. I help them feed and water the chickens at noon every day. My uncles and aunts are also very satisfied with me and often praise me for being sensible. Many years later, I had a slight pain in my throat, and my mother insisted that it was a sequela left by feeding chickens. So, she scolded my aunt for not letting a child do this kind of work. Every time I speak for my aunt, my mother is very sad, saying that others have raised me for two years, which has overshadowed her efforts to raise me for so many years. I can only keep silent and don't know what to say.
Later, in junior high school, my parents earned a little money and sent me to the city to attend junior high school. I haven't studied English, so I'm very silent, and my clothes are very rustic. I'm laughed at as a bumpkin. At that time, I loved football and played football very well, but what hit me the most was that the class teacher changed my position to a fat man who couldn't run in vain because I couldn't afford a team uniform and wouldn't let me play on behalf of the class. Later our class won the championship, but regretted not playing for two years. It was not until I became a member of the school team that I made up for this regret. But this blow inexplicably aroused my fighting spirit. I study English harder and practice playing football. After only half a semester, my English score has become the first in the whole grade, and football has become a famous figure in the whole school. These two achievements won me the favor of my classmates, who stopped laughing at me and became very respectful to me. Once, a class elector, I got the first vote. The class teacher said that the votes were not objective and asked for re-election. I also got the first vote, so I became the first group member. Later, the head teacher was transferred. The new head teacher is very kind to me, and all the teachers are very concerned about me. I began to become more confident and cheerful, and my grades and popularity soared. Some girls even confessed to me. So far, I have spent the happiest three years in my student life.
Later, I was successfully admitted to the municipal key high school. Three years of high school results are not bad, but the liberal arts class in senior two met a girlfriend, which is the kind of love at first sight. Once, my dad rummaged through my wallet and accidentally found our photo post, describing me with words such as shame, shame and nausea, which made me feel ashamed and depressed. The impact of this incident on me is that I have become more presumptuous and rebellious. I am the kind of person who pays special attention to privacy. I hate it when people go through my diary wallet, but my parents say that I gave birth to you and raised you. Who are you to talk to me about privacy? After that, I moved out of my home and became more indulgent and didn't like studying. Later, before the college entrance examination, in order to be admitted to the same university as my girlfriend, I made an emergency assault and barely got admitted to an ordinary undergraduate course. As a result, when I was a freshman, my first girlfriend cheated on me, and I later made a girlfriend. I made five or six girlfriends in four years in college, and no one mentioned it to my family, because I always remember the sentence my father used in those years, customer service should not have psychological obstacles. So that after graduation, when I reach marriageable age, I always hide my love situation from my family.
After graduating from college, my parents' business went wrong. I had to lose a lot of money because of the contract dispute, and my family was heavily in debt. I didn't look for a job like other students, but chose to start a business. Before starting a business, there was an episode. Once, my father took me to find a relative who was then the mayor of a city, hoping to arrange a good job for me. I am very exclusive in my heart, just trying to cope. Unfortunately, this relative soon became a prisoner because of the queuing problem. Since then, my parents have never mentioned the idea of letting me go into politics. Then I started my entrepreneurial career. I have worked as a blueberry product, a homestay, a courier company and a moving company. At the most glorious time, I can describe it as making money day by day. At the worst, I was in debt of hundreds of thousands, and even eating became a problem. The middle father came to help, and finally many contradictions occurred because of different business ideas. For example, I hired a very capable friend, but at the beginning of the company, he didn't play a role. I insist on retaining this person with a high salary, thinking that he can replace me and let me develop other industries after the company is transformed. But my father tried to fire him, and then this friend was forced to leave. Then I became exhausted, and while managing, I had to participate in a lot of basic work, which was very chaotic. Later, the benefits became worse and worse, and people from the company left one after another. This led to the deepening contradiction between my father and me. He insisted that the reason for his failure was the wrong industry. I insist that it is man-made, not an industry problem, but a business problem. No one could convince anyone, and finally broke up in discord. My parents went to Shanghai together. I struggled for a year and never formed a team. Finally, I gave up and went to Shanghai to look for opportunities.
After I came to Shanghai, everything had to start from scratch. I changed from an entrepreneur to a migrant worker, which was very uncomfortable at first. I can't think from the perspective of an employee, but fortunately, I met a boss who knows how to use people and found a position that suits me. He was promoted to technical director and project manager less than two months after joining the company. I also got the greatest play in this position, and helped the company achieve a profit of 800w in the first year, which is very satisfactory for a start-up company, especially under the influence of the epidemic. I have also successfully paid off all my foreign debts, and I still have a balance. What surprises me most is that this year, I can clearly understand my growth, and I summed up my changes. First, I am more sensitive to money and learn to deal with feelings and interests separately. I found that the core of many family conflicts is that the problem of money has not been handled properly. For example, in my family, in the past few years, all the expenses at home depended on my income, but I never had the habit of keeping accounts, so I don't think it is necessary to be so clear at home. But later, when I needed money, my mother took the account book with me, which led me to borrow a lot of online loans and didn't want to tell my family again. But from my mother's point of view, she just wants to put pressure on me in this way and want me to cheer up as soon as possible. Later, I found that after I counted all the money clearly, everything was clear and clear, and there was no chaos in accounts. On the contrary, there were many misunderstandings and family relations were harmonious. Second, when you get along with your parents, you should stop obsessing about reasoning and who is right or wrong, but try to avoid such discussions. Because there is a big gap between our ideas and cognition, no one can change anyone. This argument is meaningless. Third, the money we earn is essentially a cognitive realization. Now the essence of business is more like a cognitive gain between different levels. So we want to make more money, and there is no shortcut except to improve our cognition. Even if you make some money occasionally, you will spit it out sooner or later.
Finally, I am glad that I can still grow up in my thirties and my relationship with my parents is gradually easing. I have gradually got rid of some negative mentality brought by my family background. Everything in the world has a cause and effect, and none of us can cross it, so we have to die. I also hope that I can form my own family as soon as possible, have my own children and grow up happily and healthily with him. My parents always say that only by raising a son can I know my parents' kindness, but I think I will never mention the word kindness again when I have a son. I only hope that I can accompany him to travel around the world, teach him to settle down, learn to be a man, and leave some good memories.
That's for sure, no doubt about it. Because the vast majority of parents are not only the first person to button their children, but also the first person to teach them to button. How to teach? All this is reflected in the casual words and deeds of parents in their daily lives. In the inaudible silence and drizzle, the three views of parents were "irrigated" into their children's consciousness and will be passed down from generation to generation.
Professor Murray, the protagonist of the documentary "Tuesday with Murray", hoped that his father would talk to him often, tuck him in and say good night to him when he was a child. But his father seldom does this.
He swore that if he had children in the future, he would do these things for them.
Later, he did it. He has two lovely sons. When father and son are together, they often kiss, hug and tease each other and hold hands.
He said with emotion: If you want to experience how to be responsible for another person and learn how to love wholeheartedly, then you should have children.
With conscious and conscious change, family of origin's negative influence can be cut off.
This is influential, but not decisive.
It depends on whether you really accept your parents and your own family.
If we continue to struggle and resist, the impact will obviously be even greater.
Accepting the imperfections of parents and family background means accepting your own imperfections, and change begins quietly-this is the beginning of being yourself and getting out of the family background.
This is also the basis of a good love or marriage relationship.
The Bible says that marriage "people should leave their parents and unite with their wives", and they all agree with each other. The so-called "leaving parents", I understand, is the acceptance-change-"going out" mentioned above.
There is no denying that being born in a family has a great influence on everyone, and some people will never get out. This is mainly because when you have no judgment, your most basic knowledge comes from your family. From a psychological point of view, each of us is a copy of my family. Each of us has more or less copied the behavior habits, ways of speaking and ways of interacting with people from our family.
If you come from an unhappy family, it will probably hurt you for life.
Being born in a family will affect a person's life. I don't agree with this view. Because there is a real and vivid example around me.
My best friend Xiao Wang, Li Ming's wife, was born in an unfortunate family. Today, Li Minghe Xiao Wang's married life is perfect, and a woman sings her husband's peace, kindness and love, as well as sweetness, which is enviable. Li Ming is like a husband and a caring servant. He loves Xiao Wang too much to say.
According to Xiao Wang's family background, Xiao Wang's current marriage will certainly be disharmonious and imperfect, but it is not.
According to Li Ming, when Xiao Wang was ten years old, his parents divorced because of emotional discord, and Xiao Wang lived with his mother. At that time, Xiao Wang, although he didn't understand the reasons for his parents' divorce, became extremely introverted, unwilling to associate with others and liked to be alone.
When a divorced mother works hard and has a bad temper, she is good at criticizing and resenting the selfishness of Xiao Wang's father. Xiao Wang listened too much and mistakenly thought that it was all his father's fault. Naturally, he vented all his grievances on his father and hated him.
Look how fucking hard and pathetic it is. Xiao Wang hates not only his father, but also men like him in the world.
Whether in primary school, middle school or university, Xiao Wang has been studying the book of sages wholeheartedly and has never heard anything outside the window. Whenever I meet those boys and girls who are very much in love and backslapping, Xiao Wang seems to see his father's shadow again, wishing he could not slap the man in the face.
Later, Xiao Wang joined the work and reached the age of talking about marriage, but she just worked wholeheartedly and never talked about love. She is afraid to follow her mother's old path, for she is afraid that if she meets a man like her father, it will ruin her later life.
In this way, Xiao Wangyue was afraid to think, and the more he thought about it, the more afraid he became. He once vowed that he would only be with his mother for the rest of his life.
Until later, Li Ming appeared in front of Xiao Wang. Although Xiao Wang's eyes shine and his heart moves, he always wraps himself very well, leaving no trace.
Li Ming fell in love with Xiao Wang at first sight, liked her appearance and admired her talent even more. He tried several times and was ruthlessly rejected. However, Li Ming didn't rush for success and attacked head-on, but made a detour and crept into the periphery.
Li Ming had a hard time getting his friends to tell him that he had mastered many details of Xiao Wang.
If a man likes a woman from the heart, he will do whatever it takes to be afraid of bending over and wronged himself. Li Ming is such a person.
I grew up with Li Ming, and I know him more deeply, accurately and comprehensively than he knows himself.
After hard work, Li Ming finally got the beauty back.
After entering the marriage siege, how did Li Ming promise before marriage? Not only that after marriage, but even worse.
Slowly, Xiao Wang's doubts and fears are also decreasing bit by bit until they are zero. Xiao Wang's broken heart was also perfectly repaired by Li Ming's warm and sincere feelings.
Now more than ten years have passed, and with two children, Li Ming is still just laughing like Li Ming and Xiao Wang.
You see, this living example around me is the best proof: being born in a family does not necessarily affect a person's life!
I am @ Handwriting My Heart, welcome to pay attention.