■ Talking place: Sunshine Psychological Counseling Center (hotline: 0370-3399555)

■ Interviewer: Evening News reporter Cheng

Jingjing teaches in a school in Ningling County. Although nearly middle-aged, she is full of elegant temperament. She told a true story from her heart.

a chance encounter

It was a day in 1992. It's drizzling and all is silent. After school, I walked out of the classroom, opened my umbrella and walked on a quiet path, thinking about what I had learned all day. Suddenly, a figure came from behind like lightning and I stumbled. I looked at it carefully. Isn't this Li Ang, the study committee member of the next class? I saw the other person's height 1 m 75, thick black eyebrows, refreshing hair, and the sunny face reflected wisdom and freedom. He apologized to me in a hurry, and his face flushed. Instead of being angry at his rudeness, I was amused by his sincere apology. He explained to me incoherently that he was in such a hurry because he had to go to the post office to remit money to his classmates and subscribe to study materials, fearing that he would be late for the post office. I said, "I'll go with you. Besides, my aunt works there. If it is really late, we will give it to the person on duty. " He agreed.

Along the way, we were speechless. With my help, things went very smoothly. Leon asked in a low voice, "What's your name?" Without saying anything, I waved a chemistry book with the name "Ren Jingjing" on the cover in my hand in front of him. He seems to have memorized it for a few seconds. That expression is really cute. I don't know why my heart suddenly slammed, and I don't know why I am nervous.

In the next few days, I seldom saw Li Ang, but my heart seems to have been looking forward to seeing him.

How time flies! The mid-term exam is coming soon, and I am also studying nervously. But every time I pass by their class, I always inadvertently look up at Li Ang's seat.

The mid-term exam results will come out soon, and the whole grade ranking will be posted on the blackboard on campus. I am in the top 55 in my grade, but this is my best ability. Then I couldn't help looking for Li Ang's name. According to my original grades, he should be in the top ten of the grade, but I found his name in the 42nd place. Oh, my God, what's going on? What's this kid thinking every day, so fast? All this is so abnormal that I must get to the bottom of it.

first love

The investigation soon came to a conclusion. It turned out that some time ago, Li Ang's mother suddenly fell ill and was diagnosed as a sudden cerebral infarction by the hospital. Now I am paralyzed in bed and can't take care of myself. While Li Ang's father is working and rushing about for expensive medical expenses, the responsibility of taking care of his mother falls on Li Ang. At that time, I was in a mess and regretted my narrow mind.

In order to help Li Ang reduce the pressure of life, I found the secretary of the Youth League branch of the school, hoping to form a team of young volunteers through him to take turns to take care of his mother at Li Ang's home. At the same time, I hope to hold a fund-raising activity for Li Ang's mother at school. My suggestion was supported and helped by my school and classmates, which made me feel a little comforted. When the Communist Youth League Secretary handed Li Ang more than 5,000 yuan in cash donated by the school teachers and classmates, and told him that I was the initiator of this activity, I obviously saw something shining in his eyes. I saw gratitude and trust in his eyes.

Labor day is coming, and the school will hold a sports meeting. On April 30, the drum music on campus was deafening, and the majestic March of athletes echoed over the school. After the exciting entrance ceremony, the first race was the women's 800 meters I signed up for.

The gun of the game rang. About a minute and a half before the game started, my foot suddenly sprained, and the students immediately gathered around. At this moment, I saw Li Ang beside me. Seeing his nervous face, he scolded me and said, "Why are you running so fast?" Didn't you say that friendship comes first and competition comes second? "

I didn't talk to him and Nunu, but I felt very warm in my heart. I have something to say: "During the race, run slowly. Anyway, the game is second! " "

He said confidently, "That won't do. I will give you' revenge' and try to get the first place back to you. "

/kloc-0: 30, the men's 3000 km race started, only to hear a gunshot, and Li Anjian rushed out like a fine horse galloping on the runway. I shouted "Come on, come on" for him.

Finally, in the eager waiting and cheering, Li Ang won a round of applause with the advantage of being the first in the group. At this point, I was so excited that tears almost came out. I'm really happier and more excited than winning the first place myself.

part

Unconsciously, I have reached the third year of high school, and intense and busy review has become the theme of life. Busy study makes it impossible for me to see Li Ang. In two weeks, we will have the college entrance examination. I wanted to relax myself for the last time, so I came to a lawn on campus. I think this is the last time I feel so happy and comfortable in this school. I seem to miss this place where I have made a lot of efforts. Most importantly, I have a warm feeling here, for him, for sunny, enterprising and humorous Li Ang. Sitting on the green grass, looking up at the campus, dreaming about many things that I have experienced in the past three years, I don't feel moist in my heart.

A few months later, I got my wish and was admitted to a normal college in the provincial capital. I heard that Li Ang was admitted to a military school in Nanjing.

One day in the first month of the second year, the spring was chilly, and people still felt a chill. The school organized some students to participate in an entertainment program of Henan TV station, and I was fortunate to be one of them.

It was already nine o'clock in the evening when I came back from the TV station. As soon as I stepped into the dormitory, my roommate couldn't wait to tell me that someone came to see me at night. I asked what I looked like, and they said that a handsome young man in a military uniform had been waiting for me here for a long time and had just left. It seems that I was suddenly shocked by something, and my mind was blank for an instant. I think it must be him, the man I've always wanted to see-Li Ang, but I missed a chance to meet him because of today's events. In an instant, all kinds of feelings of regret, regret, and self-blame welled up in my heart. I asked my roommate if there was any message. My roommate said he was going to Nanjing and passing through Zhengzhou, so he came to see me. I didn't expect to go out today. In order to catch the train at 10 15 in the evening, he can't wait any longer.

Without saying anything, I ran outside the campus, stopped a taxi and ran to the railway station. Along the way, I have been urging the driver to drive faster, hoping to fly to the railway station at once. When I hurried to the waiting hall, the hour hand had pointed to ten o'clock, but I still went to see him with a glimmer of hope, even if I just looked at him. Maybe God is joking with me. The military bus shelter actually checked in half an hour in advance. Li Ang is long gone. I sat in the bus shelter and spent an unforgettable and painful night.

cherish the memory of

Two years later, I finished my studies in a normal school. After graduation, I was assigned to teach in a middle school in the county. How many ordinary days and nights, I sat under the dim desk lamp, wrote down the dribs and drabs in my heart, and wrote down the surging thoughts and nostalgia in my heart. I don't know whether I can see Li See Aung again in my life or where he will be assigned after graduation. I admit that I am a woman who is not very active in love and marriage, although during this period, I have always dreamed that one day, Li Ang will suddenly stand in front of me. I only heard from my classmates that his mother died the next year after he left his hometown to go to a military school. After he came back, he buried his mother with his father in tears and rarely went back to his hometown. I don't know if Li Ang will occasionally think of me in a distant place, or put me in a corner of his heart and cherish it quietly.

I don't think he will forget me any more than I will forget him.

In this way, after two years, some colleagues who graduated at the same time talked about love one after another, and some of them were married and had children. Of course, during this period, some friends and colleagues threw me an olive branch of love, and I politely refused. Family members have always mentioned this matter. I seemed impatient, so I said to my mother, "If you want to find one, help me find a soldier to be my husband." Later, after someone introduced me, my family arranged a vulgar blind date ceremony for me. Seriously, the young man is very handsome and handsome, and his work and family are very good. Under the persuasion of his mother, I agreed to this marriage and entered the marriage hall from then on.

During the Spring Festival after marriage, our high school classmates organized a party. At the party, a classmate who had a good relationship with Li Ang mysteriously asked me, "Jingjing, are you married?"

"Yes, what's the matter?"

"Don't say it after the knot."

I pressed him again and again, and he asked me the meaning of that sentence. Finally, he said with a little disappointment, "I have a letter from Li Ang because he doesn't know your current address."

I said eagerly, "Then bring it quickly."

He said shyly, "No, Li Ang specifically told me that if you don't get married, I will give you this letter;" If you get married, don't give it to you, ask again and again. "

He paused and then said, "I think he probably doesn't want to affect your life now." He wants you to be happy. Really, I know him. "

I don't want to embarrass this classmate, after all, he is only entrusted by others.

Until now, I don't know what was written in that unopened letter. It will become an unsolved mystery in my life and exist in my mind.

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A review of psychologists' historical maps.

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The most beautiful smile in the painting belongs to Mona Lisa, and the most beautiful smile in life belongs to first love. In Jingjing's "first love" memory, Li Ang, an outstanding student cadre on campus, touched her emotional valve and let love surge in her heart like a tide. It's just that Jingjing's warm appearance and forbearing personality make her stand up to the emotional water. While leading the way, I donated money to Li Ang's sick mother, and within the scope of rationalization, I released my emotions to the maximum extent. But we can't ignore the plot of Li Ang going to Zhengzhou. Obviously, this is the last straw to crush Jingjing's emotion. Because she thought she had "missed", she always accompanied Jingjing with regret. I see. Since he dared to go directly to the girls' dormitory, it first showed that he had enough courage, and secondly that he knew Jingjing's address. If he was interested in Jingjing, he could at least write a letter to express his feelings, but he never did. Perhaps his feelings for Jingjing are more gratitude than emotion, so Jingjing's "first love" may fall into the situation of "deliberately falling out of the flower, heartless running water". Among the driving forces of human behavior, there is a psychological driving force called "Gestalt Desire". For example, an unsolved story will always be mentioned and an unread letter will be remembered-these events are of little significance in themselves. You know, when Adam opened Pandora's box, all he got was pain and darkness. Since love is hidden in our hearts, we didn't delay our precious study time and went to college. Therefore, when we share our past feelings today, we should understand that "it is better to miss each other than to meet each other" and put an end to the memories of our first love. The value of "Memories of cardamom's Years" lies in: let us think about and cherish the present life, and care for and warm the present feelings.

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Shitu

Member of China Psychological Counselor Elite Project, Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences.

Director of Henan Psychological Society

Vice President and Secretary General of Shangqiu Psychological Counselors Association

The Beijing-Kowloon Evening News invited a psychologist for "Everyone Speak Out".