I am a high school student, an ordinary high school student who can no longer be ordinary, just like a dim star in the Milky Way. I came to high school with Mr. Thank you. Nowadays, only gangsters live by time. Sometimes I really feel that I am a failure, but more is the sadness and helplessness hidden in my heart. Unconsciously, I have spent one-third of my senior high school time. A year ago, my senior two arrived as scheduled. When I was still in a hazy state, she ran away and left me standing alone. As the author said, "We blame time for deceiving us, but in fact we deceive ourselves." I like lying on the grass and looking up at the sky in the quiet night, watching the twinkling stars and listening to the sound of the wind blowing by me. In order to avoid the flashy noise during the day, I have to bury myself in novels and music, and record my sadness and melancholy in my favorite words in the dead of night and under the dim candlelight. In others' eyes, I may be an exception: smoking, drinking, playing truant and surfing the Internet, but who knows my deepest thoughts and who can see a trace of sadness in my indifferent eyes? As Xiao Si said: "If a person looks up at the sky for a long time, he is not looking for anything, but because of loneliness." Because of loneliness, we will do something unreasonable in the eyes of others. Every day when I face the teacher's expressionless face, I feel unspeakable unhappiness in my heart. We are all children bound by study and played by life, but we are not children abandoned by God. The reality is always so unsatisfactory, and we are always so helpless.

We always seem to live in loneliness and fear, and there is always an inexhaustible depression in our hearts, or we should say that we have nothing to say. Always walking aimlessly, doing everything absently, living mechanically and numbly under the oppression of the school every day, succumbing to the pressure of the college entrance examination, and persisting for the hope that is not my dream. Many times, I feel really small, so small that I can't do anything about it. I watched things happen so helplessly that I was always forced to choose to wait and see. I used to think that I wouldn't be sad about anything, but I often can't help feeling sad about my situation. From the roses in summer grass to the pine trees in winter garden, I have been oppressing myself inexplicably. I know very well that I have been wasting my time seriously. Time has been trampling on me, day after day, day after day, endlessly, but I still continue to indulge in this way shamelessly. Today, I will repeat today, and I will go back and forth until I am doomed. Always like a machine without feelings, I have no choice but to spend a lot of time on things I don't want and on things I can't achieve in the future. I have learned to ignore everything with silence, and no longer argue for my own views, but learn to treat the life I once cursed with an ambiguous attitude. People are full of hope for life at first, but they are inevitably disappointed after experiencing failure; After struggling hard and then failing, we have no choice but to become desperate; After a period of failure, we have our own real ideas about life, the world and life, and do what we like. At this time, we should be arrogant. Arrogance is innocent, and we should have faced this hypocritical world with arrogance. We always struggle in hesitation, panic in calm, give up in hope, and grieve in debauchery. Haruki Murakami said: "No one likes sadness, just don't like loneliness." I believe that people who are often sad should understand the meaning of this sentence best. Everything is happening unscrupulously, and we are all holding on to the hope that it is not a dream. Tears have forgotten the direction, memories can not help but fade, in the struggle can not find enough strength. I don't know how to throw such a gesture to prove that I am trying to live.

I like Jay Chou's Grandma very much and sang his helplessness and persistence: "I have listened to this music for three years, and I told my grandmother that I didn't lose, and I don't need to change." In fact, everyone is sticking to their dreams. We should keep our own world and don't care about other people's opinions. Youth is a bustling trap, and we all fall into it involuntarily, but we should also know how to grasp ourselves in a colorful world and how to write about youth only once.