To do a good job in interpersonal relationships, we need to live in harmony with the people around us. Healthy psychology always shows good interpersonal relationship, or good interpersonal relationship is the most basic and important performance of healthy psychology. There are five basic requirements, also known as five basic principles, to acquire a healthy psychology and establish good interpersonal relationships.
1. Don't blame, or don't criticize and don't blame. Parents and elders generally like to criticize and reprimand the younger generation, especially parents. Some parents criticize and nag endlessly, even if they are ineffective, they will never give up. They also like to settle old scores. If it's serious, either fight or scold. Some people like to criticize and "educate" their friends and colleagues, especially those with a little power, and prefer to use this relationship model. This is an important reason for bad interpersonal relationship. Everyone should be treated in a relationship mode of respect and equal consultation. When we say that we don't criticize, we don't limit ourselves to verbal criticism, but we demand an internal attitude of non-criticism, which is an attitude of equal consultation.
How can we "not criticize" and "not criticize" others? First of all, we should adjust our way of thinking and observe things correctly. Everything and everyone have two sides, right and wrong, advantages and disadvantages, good and bad. When observing things or people, we should use correct thinking, or scientific thinking methods, look at problems dialectically and see both sides. When looking at people, we must first see the advantages, strengths and beauty of others and affirm them. Take other people's shortcomings and shortcomings as your own. If so, correct it. If you don't have them, take them as your own "vigilance" to prevent them. If you have bad habits such as speaking ill of others behind their backs, talking about their shortcomings or deficiencies, and spreading "gossip", this is the bane of destroying interpersonal relationships. You must make up your mind to eradicate this "problem", otherwise you will not be able to do a good job in interpersonal relationships. Second, we should give others "good words", "good looks" and "mouth to mouth" and "face to face". You have a kind heart, a kind heart, you have to pass it on through your mouth and turn it into a "good word" to express to others. Your pure heart, kind heart, broad heart and selfless heart should be expressed through facial expressions to let others know your thoughts. This is very important and not easy to do. This requires us to understand theoretically.
Why not criticize or not criticize? Why give others "good words" and "good face"? Because, when you sincerely praise others and affirm their advantages and virtues, if others are present, you will be very happy after listening; If someone else is not present, this information already exists objectively in time and space, and he will receive this information sooner or later. When he receives these messages, he will still feel very happy. At this time, he will think that you are a good person and see your advantages. The relationship between you is intimate and harmonious before you know it. This kind of information feedback also follows the principle of "equal strength and opposite direction". You speak well of others, and the information you give back is good information. On the contrary, if you speak ill of others behind their backs and accuse others, others will accuse you and belittle you, and the feedback information is bad information. Therefore, the key to good interpersonal relationships is not to send out bad information that is harmful to others. Not only in person, but also behind others' backs. Give others a "good word" whether in person or behind their back.
Second, the principle of not infringing on others' right to choose, or not infringing on others' right to choose. Everyone has their own self-esteem, their own way of thinking and working, and their own living habits. He should respect others' autonomy, not make choices and decisions instead of others, but respect others' right to choose. Some people are "enthusiastic" and like to arrange things for others or do things for others. This is an important reason why some "good people" cause bad social interpersonal relations. Everything should inspire others to think, can't provide ready-made answers, can't make choices instead of others, infringe on others' right to choose, and can't do it all. Only in this way will others be willing to approach you, trust you and discuss something with you.
For example, a man runs a Chinese medicine shop, and a friend of his wants to buy a medicine in his pharmacy. This medicine is very expensive. Out of kindness, he said to his friend, "This medicine is expensive, and my pharmacy will increase its profit by 30%. I suggest you go to the wholesale market of medicinal materials. " His friend was very unhappy after hearing this. He doesn't understand either. He was kind, but in the end he became boring. Why? This is a common example of good people infringing on others' right to choose in daily life. Because it is the right of others to buy this medicine there, they should be allowed to choose for themselves. He should say, "This medicine is more expensive. My pharmacy will increase the profit by 30%, so it will be more expensive for you to buy it. The wholesale market of medicinal materials is cheaper. Do you want to buy it at my drugstore or at the wholesale market of medicinal materials? Look at you. " If others don't know where the medicinal materials market is at all, or others want to buy it in your drugstore, what you said before infringes on others' right to choose, of course others are not happy.
Sometimes when you go shopping with friends, you should also be careful not to infringe on others' right to choose. You can make suggestions or express your ideas, but don't make decisions for others, let alone impose your ideas and opinions on others and make choices for others.
Third, impartiality, or neutral principle, equidistant position, people living in society will always encounter various contradictions, produce unsatisfactory things, and produce psychological conflicts. At this time, it is necessary to maintain an "equidistant position" on all aspects of other people's psychological conflicts, that is, to remain neutral on all aspects of other people's psychological conflicts and not to be biased towards any one aspect of psychological conflicts. For example, some people want to divorce for a long time and don't want to divorce, which is very painful. Such an important event in life cannot be without his (her) clear moral values and opinions. We need to keep a neutral attitude towards this psychological conflict. We should enlighten him, enlighten him and let him make his own decisions. You persuade him to divorce, he may have many benefits in his heart. If you finally divorce at your suggestion, he will hate you for life. If you persuade him not to divorce, his life will be miserable, he will hate you and form bad interpersonal relationships. This impartial or equidistant position or neutrality principle is applicable to many other psychological conflicts.
Fourth, personal ownership is inviolable, including property, personal belongings, privacy and intellectual property rights. Ownership is a very sensitive issue. If not handled properly, interpersonal relationships tend to be tense and even develop into hostile interpersonal relationships. There is a folk saying: "Brothers, settle accounts clearly." It shows that the people have long recognized that respecting the ownership of others and not infringing on the ownership of others are the principles that must be followed in establishing "correct" interpersonal relationships. This kind of example is very common in society. Brothers turn against each other for property, and good friends no longer contact. Sometimes you don't think so, but you offend your friends Two good friends are like brothers. One of them used to ride a bike and later bought a motorcycle. Seldom use bicycles. The other thought he was a good friend without consulting him, so he gave his bike to someone else to ride. The relationship between the two gradually alienated. Similar examples are common. Several friends often exchange academic ideas and scientific research results with each other. One of them published information in his own book that others had not published, which caused great contradictions. Several others reported this situation to her unit, which affected her promotion and ruined her friendship. Not only private property, private goods and intellectual property are very sensitive and inviolable; Personal privacy is inviolable. "Women don't ask about age, men don't ask about money" is a well-known social etiquette. In fact, it is generally acknowledged that personal privacy is inviolable. Even between husband and wife, between father and son, between mother and daughter, personal privacy cannot be violated, and it will also cause tension if it is not handled well.
Respect, appreciate and not interfere in other people's hobbies. Everyone has his own hobbies. Some people like dancing, others like climbing mountains, keeping birds, raising fish, reading books, martial arts, calligraphy, painting, fishing and keeping pets. Everyone has his own ambition and ambition. Don't impose your hobbies and ambitions on others, and don't interfere with others' hobbies. This is the principle of building good interpersonal relationships. We should respect and appreciate other people's hobbies, and we can't interfere or try to change other people's hobbies. Otherwise, it will arouse others' antipathy and cause interpersonal tension.