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Emotion is a double-edged sword.

li zixun

There is an article by Robert Kenny in Reader's Digest called "Mother's nepotism": "When the boy was very young, his mother tied him to the nepotism of her apron and said,' Now you won't fall down again'. The child grows up day by day, and he wants to leave his mother to see the sunshine, trees and rivers outside the window. " "oh! Mom, please untie nepotism and let me out! " But the mother said, "Not yet, my child, you are not strong enough." The child had to wait to see his mother singing while working. Slowly, the child grew up a little. He was attracted by the bright spring scenery outside the window, the noisy river and the blue mountains, and walked away regardless. Then nepotism broke down. "Ah, mom's nepotism is so fragile!" "The child smiled and ran out the door, still tied with nepotism. The boy kept running, rejoicing in freedom, fresh air and fresh sunshine. He ran to the edge of a cliff, and the splashing waterfall puzzled his eyes. He tripped and fell off the cliff. He was caught when he exclaimed. It was fucking nepotism that caught the roots. "oh! Mother's nepotism is so strong! "The child climbed up the rock with a belt, and then continued to move firmly towards the novel world.

Affection, like mother's nepotism, gave us close attachment, security and sense of belonging when we were young. With the growth, children gradually have a sense of self, have their own unique emotional experience, and have their own choices about life and behavior. When children look at the outside world and go to society, it seems more important to seek rich friendship with others and identify with new life patterns or spiritual patterns than family ties. In fact, family ties still remain at the lower level of human consciousness, like the cradle of the soul, soothing the tired hearts of children. Affection is the driving force of children's psychological development, and there are three most important self-factors formed under the care of affection: attachment experience, the ability to produce love and be loved; Object relationship, gain dependence and independence, and have the ability to trust others; Self-identity, ability to coordinate inferiority and self-esteem, creativity and development.

Sometimes, family ties can also bring us trouble. "Mother's nepotism" is too short, and it is easy to form a "tangle" between parents and children. Children and parents often stumble and even fall, making children feel that they are a burden to their families. When a child is complacent about the future, too strong nepotism will limit the child's social development and make the child feel as if the family is controlling him. At other times, children will project their anxiety, depression, fear and hostility to their parents, thinking that everything is caused by family ties. In fact, children don't know that anger towards their families is sharpening their emotional ability. Only by learning to recognize, experience, release and manage these emotions can people become mature. Look at nature and the struggle between the tiger and its brothers, sisters and parents, and you will know that the little guy is exercising his survival skills.

No matter how parents treat their children, they are driven by love, and hate is also synonymous with love. Love children too much, put children in the category of self, forget each other's boundaries, think that children's problems are their own problems, and there is no peace for a moment. This is a pity to inherit the wind. Good parents can make good use of nepotism, let go when it is time to let go, and let their children create their own brand-new future. However, it is not easy to let children leave themselves. Both children and parents have to go through the pain of separation. Because of fear of this kind of pain, family members will unconsciously create isolation and misunderstanding, so as to counter the entanglement of attachment and relationship. Anger over their relationship became more and more obvious, contradictions escalated, and separation was completed unconsciously. We have to admit that many internal conflicts are of great significance. The stronger the relationship attachment, the more intense the conflict between children and parents, otherwise separation will never be realized and children will never grow up. Here, we should thank the greatness of family ties. No matter how much we are misunderstood by children, family ties are always so firm when children need them.

Let's talk about children again. Many problems of children are problems of growth, and some age-related mistakes may be made at each stage. However, parents should remember that making mistakes is a child's right! There is a natural tendency in families, that is, parents can't tolerate children's mistakes and think that the children who make mistakes are not good children. In fact, children who dare to make mistakes are promising children. They can only adapt to success but not setbacks, but they have no future. There is also a tendency of affection, that is, parents think that children must be strictly controlled, and Fiona Fang can't teach them or not. In fact, a child is like a small tree. Given time and space, he will naturally stand out and become the pillar of the country. Waiting for children to grow up is something that every parent must face seriously. Of course, we have also observed some injuries in family relationships, and children are scarred in family interactions. In fact, many psychological traumas from family ties in their early years are rooted in themselves, and the knot is always formed by slowly giving meaning to themselves. As a result, we blame our parents for our growing troubles and evade our responsibilities.