I first drank at the age of 16. I was very happy when I first joined the work, so I drank a bottle of wine with my friends. Wine makes me extremely excited and feel very comfortable. I went home that day and had a good sleep. For me, this is the first time I feel so comfortable.
Later, I was looking forward to drinking, but at that time, everything was provided by ticket, only occasionally drinking a little wine during Chinese New Year holidays, wedding banquets or helping people build houses.
I was admitted to the university from 65438 to 0975, and my major was industrial accounting. At school, I am the President of the Student Union and the Deputy Secretary of the Youth League Committee. At that time, I was in high spirits and felt that the future belonged to me. Later, I was really lucky. 1978 after graduating from college, I was assigned to the state ministries and agencies as the secretary of the Youth League Committee. At first, I didn't know I was a little rich. I was good at drinking at that time. At parties, what I drink the most is to bet with my colleagues that I can drink a large pot of white wine at one breath. But at that time, I didn't go too far. I won't slide the table or kneel to people for no reason.
The real change was in 1985, when I was 33 years old.
Speaking of which, I'd like to interject an unnecessary sentence. In fact, alcohol addiction is acquired and inherited. I belong to the latter. My grandfather is an alcoholic. When he was drunk, he hit people. What he left behind most was his dependence on alcohol and various physical or mental diseases caused by alcohol. My mother has epilepsy, and my brother and I lost a lot of things because of drinking. My brother used to be an actor in the army art troupe. /kloc-started drinking at the age of 0/9. In order to persuade him to give up drinking, my parents knelt down for him, but he just couldn't quit. He beat his wife when he was drunk, and later divorced, leaving two children. His second wife, in order to make him drink less, would rather drink with him and finally divorced. Later, my brother got schizophrenia and is still being treated in the hospital. I also have a cousin who died prematurely at the age of 46 because of alcoholism.
Therefore, in my blood, alcohol seems to be possessed by the devil. As long as there is an opportunity, it will come out to seduce me. And when I was 33, it was a great opportunity.
1985, which was the time of China's reform, opening up and economic development. I began to stir, dissatisfied with my work, and decided to go to the canteen of the contracting agency. My decision was opposed by everyone, especially my lover who also works in ministries and agencies. My wife says ministries are different from places. People from all directions are gathered here, and it is difficult for everyone to adjust. No one can make a canteen. But I don't listen, maybe because I was too tactful before, and I don't believe what I did wrong.
But the truth is with my lover. The canteen was on fire for three months, and then it went down all the way, and the situation got worse and worse. I didn't want to go back to my old job, so I broke the jar and drank hard. I get drunk every chance I get, and no one can stop me. I fell asleep when I was drunk. Only then can I forget my failure for a while.
My friends began to leave me, and no one wanted to drink with me anymore, so I drank it myself. Alcohol has become my most loyal friend. The most time, I drank two and a half bottles of white wine by myself, and I didn't want to wake up after drinking it, because my face was full of tears when I opened my eyes. For a long time, I didn't know where I got drunk or woke up. Everything in reality is so strange to me.
All my actions began to get out of control, and the so-called sense of morality and responsibility, for me, has drifted away like a smoke cloud. I kneel to strangers or cry in my arms, scaring people. I often lie, don't want to go home, and often get drunk in the street. Generally speaking, the cleaner wakes me up the next morning. My state is just a pile of breathing mud. I'm afraid of waking up.
That's a long time. I bear all the pain, failure and anxiety by myself. I have no place to talk, because I feel that all my grievances are caused by others. That's what alcoholics do. Their mentality is different from others. If they are wrong, they will certainly blame others. At that time, I stubbornly believed that I drank because others gave me pressure. I could only reduce the pressure by drinking, so I hated others. I can't stand people saying I'm bad, and I'll fight anyone who says I'm bad.
I can't do anything well because of drinking. I started an advertising company after I came out of work, but because I was delirious every day, the advertising company also screwed up in a few years.
This is a vicious circle. The more I fail, the more I drink. The more I drink, the more I fail. I have no face to go home, and I can't face my lover and children. My glory and ideals have been distorted. I spent my holiday in the emergency room of the hospital. Whenever this time, my wife comes to take care of me with the hospitalization fee.
That time, I feel ashamed to say it now. I'm really sorry for my family. Although I have never beaten my wife, I have never assumed the responsibility of being a husband and a father. Sometimes I beat my son when I was drunk, and once I beat my son and broke the window frames at home. As a result, the blood cut on the wrist was everywhere.
I filed a divorce with my wife-I get into trouble when I get drunk, and I can't do anything but drink ... I feel particularly sorry for my wife, so at 1995, I told her: You are good to me, but I am sorry for you. Let's live a good life and forget me later. My lover cried when I said this. She said: divorce is easy, but I have to help you stop drinking first. I have to pay back your parents and a normal person in society before we can talk about divorce. What else can I say? After so many years, my lover advised me again and again, but I always let her down. I can't let her down this time. I decided for the first time: give up drinking.
During those days of abstinence, I was on pins and needles, and my sense of loss was particularly strong. I thought my former colleagues were very successful, but I have become like this. The more I thought about it, the more unbalanced I became, so I drank again and didn't go home for three days. I did it again and again. In the next few years, I gave up drinking 100 times and 100 times, but every time alcohol pulled me back to my original track like a magic hand sticking out of my stomach. My love is very disappointed. Later, she almost turned a blind eye to me, and they became strangers.
I'm losing control of my behavior. When I was drunk, I got into trouble. Once, when I was driving under the influence of alcohol, a man's right foot was crushed and he was on his way to the hospital. As a result, I crushed his left foot again. Once again, I was drunk driving. I broke into a forbidden market and bumped into a woman, crushing her foot. The girl's daughter wouldn't let me go, so she called 1 10 and put a folding chair across my car. I don't care about this. As soon as I stepped on the accelerator, I took the iron bracket of the folding chair to the Second Ring Road. On the second ring road, I bumped into a white van again. I didn't stop and ran away in a hurry. As a result, people reported it to me and lost more than 20 thousand.
My memory also drops rapidly because of alcohol, and I often can't remember what I did in the first ten minutes. Once I drove on a business trip, and I had 10000 yuan in my bag. It rained heavily that day and my car stalled. I pushed it to the dry ground and waited for the garage to repair it. While waiting, I started drinking. After drinking more than 20 bottles of beer, I forgot to wait for the car to be repaired, took a taxi and left my bag in the taxi. Later, the taxi driver sent the bag back to me.
From 1997 to 1999, I didn't have a job, and all my expenses depended on my wife's salary. I feel like a total hooligan, and I can't do anything but drink. For a time, I was afraid to go back to my home in Beijing, so I wandered around my mother's home in Tianjin. My elderly parents didn't want to see me do this to themselves. They tried to persuade me to give up drinking. They took me to see a doctor and take Chinese medicine. I really haven't touched a drop of wine for a month. In the second course of treatment, my parents gave me money to get the medicine myself. I ate less medicine, saved some money, went out of the hospital gate, and by some inexplicable coincidence, I walked into a small restaurant. I told myself: just drink one bottle of beer, just one bottle! I ordered a plate of peanuts and a plate of cucumbers, but the appetizer didn't move at all. A bottle of beer poured into my stomach. Then I ordered bottle after bottle of wine. Finally, I drank 3 Jin of white wine and 37 bottles of beer. I didn't dare to go home after drinking, so I went directly to the bath center. After sleeping for three days and nights, I woke up on the fourth day and my pants were wet. I cried and called my mother. I told her: Mom, I miss you. I can't live. Mom said, it's okay, baby. You have to live for your parents. Where are you? I said I didn't know where it was. At that time, my body and mind were particularly uncomfortable. Finally my parents took a taxi to pick me up. Two 70-and 80-year-olds helped me carry more than 200 kilograms of body. I was really, really guilty. I know that whoever abandons me, my parents will not abandon me. Because of my parents and lover, in June 2000, I made a great decision: I must give up drinking!
I really stepped into the road of abstinence in July 2000. My sister learned on TV that Beijing Anding Hospital has a new comprehensive treatment method for "alcohol dependence". At that time, I reported the idea of a dead horse as a living horse doctor and came to the hospital. The process of registering, seeing a doctor, paying fees and getting medicine is no different from other hospitals. The difference is that in addition to drug treatment, there is also a kind of "Alcoholics Abstinence Association". The hospital organized alcoholics in the hospital to learn the "twelve-step abstinence method" and "twenty-four-hour abstinence method". Through learning, alcoholics tell their own drinking experiences, tell their own experiences of abstinence, support and encourage each other, and no one laughs at each other, just like at home. I think it's very fresh. When I first came into contact, I was nervous. There are seventeen or eighteen members who often attend the meeting, so I will listen to other members in the back row. I think it's easy to join this association, as long as you really want to quit drinking, there is no membership fee and other expenses. I am desperate and want to give up drinking, but I just can't. So this course attracted me deeply, and I insisted on studying twice a week. I took part in the study for the fourth time and finally spoke. I said: I am Hong Kui, and I am an alcoholic! I felt very relaxed when I finished.
From then on, I joined aa. After a week of abstinence, I began to hear voices. I woke up suddenly at night, and then I felt there were two people downstairs, a man and a woman. They are talking about me, saying that I am worthless and a person without virtue. It was a very painful period, just like detoxification. I always struggle with alcohol addiction in my bones and force myself not to think about alcohol.
There are many people like me in AA. Some divorced because of drinking, and some burned houses after drinking. We sit together and communicate frequently. Slowly, I became calm from the initial anxiety. I can do some housework and sit down and chat with my family. Once my wife was on a business trip, and she was particularly concerned about my abstinence. She calls me almost every day to ask about me. I should meet her at the airport the day she comes back. Near the time to pick up the car, I found that the car was left at home. Later, my lover called and asked me why I didn't pick her up. I said I lost my car, and my wife said, just throw it away, as long as you don't drink. I was moved to tears. Really, without her, I might not be where I am today.
On the first anniversary of abstinence, I wrote a letter to my lover and told her that I would make up for it by not drinking every day in the future. I had letters and flowers delivered to her office. She is very happy and feels that the happy life in the past has come back.
Although I have been sober for nearly ten years now, I still remember the first time I spoke at AA meeting. At that time, I couldn't believe that some old members said that they had joined this association for 13 or 14 years and still remained awake. Now the fact that I call it a "miracle" has also happened to me.
Because I had a drinking experience, it was AA's help that made me bid farewell to the hellish life full of alcohol addiction and get sober. So I hope that all people like me can embark on this road and live a normal life. Whenever possible, I will tell people who are addicted to alcohol about my experience. I have done programs on Phoenix TV, CCTV and Beijing TV, which have great influence. In fact, my appearance in the media has an impact on my family. My wife is now the head of the provincial department. Many people around us know our relationship, but my wife said: I am willing to sacrifice for your career.
I am unfortunate, because I am an alcoholic, and drinking is harmful to my health, my family and everything. I'm lucky again, because I met a temperance association and put me on the road to success in abstinence. It not only helped me quit drinking, but also taught me how to be a man. It helped me find a happy home.
Alcoholics Anonymous is not everything. There's no way I'm leaving AA. Indeed, it has become my profession to make alcoholics give up drinking. I started an alcohol rehabilitation center to help alcoholics return to normal life and tell them that it is too happy to stay awake without drinking.