Ancient women were often "born in a boudoir, and no one knows whether they are beautiful or not." After the blind date, the man often asks to have a look. This activity is called "meeting relatives", and the man goes to the woman's house for the first time under the guidance of the matchmaker. It was dubbed "blind date".
Blind date is to look directly at the marriage parties of both men and women. The woman's family is a son-in-law and the man's family is a daughter-in-law. The custom of blind date originated from choosing a spouse. My father saw a young man with good conditions in all aspects and planned to betrothed his daughter to him, so he took the initiative to talk about marriage. During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, the history books began to have the content of mate selection. During the Han, Wei and Six Dynasties, the custom of choosing a spouse was very popular. Emperor Gaozu Liu Bang was the son-in-law personally selected by Lv Hou's father Lv Gong. Liang Lumeng in the Song Dynasty said, "Then, the male family will prepare wine for the female family or borrow the garden. Or on a lake boat, when two relatives meet, it is called recording each other. " The blind date mentioned here only refers to the meeting of parents of both men and women, and does not say whether to see the married parties.
In Ming and Qing dynasties, blind date was designed to see the parties. Looking at the future son-in-law, the daughter-in-law is mostly represented by the father; Look at the future wife. Most men's families are visited by their mothers, which makes it easier to see each other. Some people also entrust matchmakers or close relatives to go on blind dates. Men and women sometimes know each other and sometimes don't know each other, depending on whether their parents are enlightened or not. Most parents will tell their children in advance. Even if the parties understand the reason, they should pretend not to know according to the rules, so as not to make people feel false.
There are many ways to see a son-in-law. Set a time and place in advance, or meet at the market, or work in the fields. Sometimes I go directly to the man's house, and sometimes the matchmaker accompanies the man to the woman's house. In this Gucci, Qian Xiucai mistakenly took a description of a blind date in Fenghuangling, reflecting the situation of the woman's family looking after her son-in-law.
Yan Jun, a rich boy, is ugly and uneducated. It is said that Gaozan, dozens of miles away, has a daughter who is gifted and looks like a fairy. She is choosing flattery, so she entrusts the matchmaker to be the matchmaker. The gaos thought invited the man to come home for a blind date. Yan Jun knew that going in person would definitely fail, so he begged his handsome cousin Qian Qing to go to the woman's house on his behalf, even though he had no money. Qian Qing couldn't refuse, because she was attached to her cousin's home to study, so she had to agree. When Qian Ken came to Gao Zan's home, Gao Zan was very happy to see Qian Qing's beauty. After the conversation, Gao Zan saw Qian Qing's elegant manners and secretly admired him. Then I asked my son's teacher to examine his talents. As a result, the teacher was ashamed, and the gaos thought was extremely satisfied with this marriage.
The form of blind date between men and women is relatively simple, usually in the woman's home. In the old society, young women who paid attention to boudoir and finally got married usually stayed at home and worked. Blind date, the man sometimes doesn't go at all, and the matchmaker goes to the woman's house for blind date in the form of chatting at the door. At this time, women are mostly sitting on the kang, doing needlework. While chatting with the woman's mother, the blind date carefully studied the woman. You will look at each other one by one, from appearance, fishing color to sewing level. Sometimes I will find some topics and say a few words directly to the woman. If the woman is handy, her mother will take out her needlework and let the blind date take this opportunity to praise her. The woman knows it's a blind date, but she can't say anything. At this time, she is mostly shy. The blind date depends not only on the woman's own situation, but also on the family situation. Like mother, like daughter. The house is clean and tidy, and my daughter must be a diligent person.
The date of the blind date is set by the matchmaker in advance and notified to both men and women, so both sides should be prepared. The man should prepare a little gift according to the hobby of the woman's parents; The woman wants to clean the courtyard and prepare to receive guests. As parties, both men and women should try to dress elegantly and resplendent, so as to leave a good "first impression" on each other.
Seeing relatives is the key to the success of marriage, especially the man, so be careful. Although gifts are nothing more than alcohol, tobacco and snacks, regardless of the quantity and value, you must give them what you like and not violate the taboos of the other parents; Dress in fashion; Be modest and polite in your words and deeds. In ancient times, when men met relatives, they could only rely on matchmakers to create opportunities to secretly see girls. It's different now. Both men and women can meet and talk directly, and both sides have the opportunity to have a preliminary understanding of each other.
China is a "state of propriety and righteousness", and it pays attention to implication. The results of visiting relatives are often not directly expressed, but expressed through various hints. In many places, after the man enters the door, the woman's parents first pour the young man a cup of hot tea. The young man saw the girl and liked it, so he drank this cup of tea in one gulp. Then the girl's parents discuss with the girl. If they agree to get married, they will leave the man for dinner with the matchmaker. If they don't agree, they will let the man leave and go home. Some parents even asked the matchmaker to take away the gifts brought by the man.
In some places, besides visiting relatives and friends, there is also the custom of "watching people". In fact, "visiting others" is also to visit relatives. After the man is led by the matchmaker to the woman's home where he has met the girl, the woman's parents will not express their views on the marriage for the time being, and then the matchmaker will lead them to visit the man's home. Qiyang area is called "Kandang". Look at that time, the man's parents should offer a cup of fragrant tea first, and then talk to the woman's parents. The woman's parents visit the man's house and talk to the man's parents. If they agree to this marriage, they will drink all the fragrant tea. The man's parents immediately regarded him as "in-laws" and treated him warmly. Otherwise, the woman's parents should get up and leave, and the man should not stay.