Read Adler's Beyond Inferiority and Xu Yuan's City of Man and Land. Mainly talk about the book "Beyond Inferiority". Adler was physically handicapped when he was a child, and when he grew up, he decided to become a psychologist to help people with similar experiences get rid of inferiority. At first, he wrote a paper on inferiority complex caused by physical defects and its compensation. Then the research object is expanded to three types of children with inferiority complex: 1. Children with physical defects. Spoiled children 3. Neglected children.
Many people's lives are more or less in the shadow of inferiority. The pressure of inferiority comes from wanting to gain superiority. People with low self-esteem have not learned how to get along with others correctly. All others are competitors of the inferiority complex. When they can't satisfy the sense of conquest, the compensation of superiority (that is, inferiority) is a way of venting, so they become criminals, problem children, mental patients, suicides, alcoholics and perverts. These are just extreme ways. In fact, inferiority affects all aspects of our daily life and exists in all kinds of details.
The way to melt inferiority is to find the meaning of life, and that is cooperation. Only by integrating yourself into the human family can we cure ourselves. There are three ways to cooperate with others: 1. Career 2. Friendship 3. Love.
This is the general content of this book. Adler's books are much more interesting than Freud's. He is a great lover who is committed to eliminating children's inferiority complex. Even I do psychological analysis for myself while reading, which is really shocking. Many experiences can be explained. However, as Fan Deng said, psychoanalysis risks being possessed by paranoia. I hope everyone will read it with an attitude of listening.
The first thing I want to say is, what is the meaning of life? Human beings live in "meaning", and the things we experience in life are not only simple things, but also the most important things to our lives. Even the simplest thing in our living environment, people touch it from their own perspective when touching it. "Wood" refers to "wood related to human beings" and "stone" refers to "stone as one of the elements of human life". We always feel the reality with the meaning we give it, but what we feel is not the reality itself, but the reality we give it meaning, or our feelings are actually our personal explanations of the reality. From this perspective, the reality that each of us feels is distorted by ourselves.
Therefore, the meaning of life is based on one's own endowment, not reality itself. Our own gifts are our memories. The importance of memories lies in what they are "treated", in their interpretation, and in their influence on present and future life. Memory is not objective. Memory represents a "life story". We constantly choose our own "life stories" to meet our self-expectations. Melancholy people only remember melancholy stories, while cheerful people only remember cheerful stories. So it is so important to record your little luck every day. I think we can probably reverse this inertia. Happiness can be trained. This is a huge inertia, and its source can be traced back to the earliest memory of childhood.
Adler believes that all people who have a serious sense of inferiority have not been properly trained in their ability to cooperate with others in their childhood. Born as a man, you need to face three problems: 1 We are bound to the surface of this barren planet. Therefore, we need a job to meet the needs of survival. A job is the social division of labor, which represents the survival cooperation between people. 2. Individuals themselves are not the only members of human beings. So we need friendship, communication and social contact. 3. There are two genders in human beings, and the continuity of individuals and collectives must depend on this reality. Traditionally, everyone needs to enter marriage, and marriage is the highest level of cooperation and spiritual integration in a sense. As a human species, we can't escape cooperation with others. Meaning can only exist in the interaction of others, and losers are only interested in themselves. The meaning of life is to cooperate with others, not to be a conqueror.
There are many examples in the book, which is interesting to read as a story. But these cases only point to one conclusion. People who feel inferior want to gain a sense of superiority and get the attention of others. This inferiority complex is reflected in both mind and body. Adler believes that body and mind are unified and they influence each other. For example, kidney disease has become an excuse to wet the bed. Bed-wetting is to attract mother's attention, which is a kind of resistance to mother's neglect. Timidity leads people to neglect muscle exercise, while anger leads to stomachache and headache. Interestingly, sex and anxiety are closely related. From this perspective, when anxiety is overcome by chanting, the problem of masturbation disappears. This is the experience of abstinence bar.
Unlike Freud, Adler explained Oedipus' plot with superiority rather than sex. When the mother dotes on her children too much, the children will expect too much feedback on this doting. Therefore, when dealing with people, he is timid, because children are used to being conquerors in front of their mothers and have not learned to cooperate. The desire reflected in Oedipus' plot has nothing to do with sex. This is a desire to dominate my mother, completely control my mother, as my own slave. Although they regard their mother as the object to solve their love and marriage, it is only because he can't think of anyone who wants to cooperate with him except his mother. Children gain a sense of superiority in their own way, and often getting sick is a way of being loved, which is more common in families with many children. I think that every time I fail in the exam, I get sick to avoid my father's beating.
Children's understanding of cooperation from childhood is influenced by their parents' demonstration. Some families have strong male parents, and boys will form a wrong view of the style that men should have. Girls are hurt more. They will imagine men as tyrants, and marriage will be regarded as slavery. Some families have strong female parents, and girls will imitate their mothers and become mean and picky. Boys are always on the defensive, afraid of being criticized, and try their best to find opportunities to show their obedience and formality. These are not the correct manifestations of cooperation with others. In the process of children's growth, one thing must be made clear to children, that is, the family is only a unit that constitutes society, and there are many trustworthy people outside the family. Let children go out of the closed circle of family and learn to communicate with others in society.
For children who have just entered school, they are more prepared for competition than cooperation. They need to learn to cooperate in school and don't set limits for themselves. They come with family problems. Psychologists can't reach every parent, but they can reach teachers. Let the teacher know what is wrong with the child and solve it gently. Some children are willing to learn only when they are rewarded or appreciated. Some children play practical jokes and want to be the focus of others. Some children are lazy. Some children like to take the lead among their peers. Although their performances are different, they all want to gain a sense of superiority. For example, lazy children will be praised as long as they are a little diligent.
It is not until adolescence that children's inferiority complex really comes into contact with reality. In extreme cases, children with high activity may fight crime. Children with low activity levels may escape because of neuropathy. Girls who lack appreciation at home are easy to be used by flatterers, have casual sex with them and even try to commit suicide. Just to arouse the attention of the family. If a person is not ready to enjoy freedom in adolescence. If someone forces him to do what he has to do, then he can finish it; If you let him take the initiative to do it, he will be as timid as a mouse and eventually accomplish nothing. Such children will behave well under slavery, but once they are in a free environment, they don't know what to do.
In fact, each of us has a need for security, and this demand has become stronger. The difference between pathological people and normal people is that they do not cooperate with others, but fall into their own world. Criminals are indifferent to others. Most of them have no jobs, can't get real friendship in criminal gangs, and treat women as property. Whether it is a criminal with a physical defect and a ferocious face, or a handsome and coquettish criminal. Didn't learn to cooperate with others. Their attention is focused on themselves. Taking crime as heroism, they will be surprised to know that others will treat them as cowards. The torture of their souls is: "am I Napoleon or a louse?"
The main manifestation of his character was decided when he was four or five years old. It was also at this time that he made mistakes in his estimation of himself and the world during his criminal career. It is these primitive mistakes that we must understand and correct. So we must find out the initial development of his attitude. In the future, he will explain everything he has experienced with his own attitude. If his experience is not very consistent with his attitude, he will meditate and reminisce until its shape is beyond recognition. If someone has such an attitude: "People all over the world are insulting me, which is not good for me." He will be able to find a lot of evidence to boost his confidence. He will desperately look for this evidence, but turn a blind eye to the evidence on the other hand. The criminal is only interested in himself and his own opinions. He has his own way of seeing and listening, which we can see. He shouldn't pay attention to things that don't accord with his own life explanation. Therefore, unless we can know the hidden meaning behind his various explanations, as well as the causes of his various viewpoints, and find out the way in which his attitude was shown at the beginning, we can't convince him unless we can do this. (Page 199)
Adler's vision of reducing crime is to try his best to teach children to cooperate and explore their work skills in school. From this perspective, it is the right choice to carry out labor-intensive training activities in a province of China. Basic occupation solves basic crime problems, and genius is the most cooperative person among human beings. From some aspects of their behavior and attitude, we may not see their cooperative ability, but from their dedication to mankind, we can see that they are good at cooperation.
Even Adler successfully cured a severe mental patient by friendship. The mentally ill woman pretended to be a dog. Adler stayed with her in the ward for a month and chatted with her kindly, although she didn't respond for the first two weeks. Let her fight with herself. What harm can a woman do? When she broke the window with her hand, she bandaged the wound. That woman has lived a normal life ever since. In my opinion, this is a miracle. Think about how mental hospitals in China treat patients. Adler is a very caring person. The strange behavior of mental patients is just a symptom. The fundamental reason lies in the goal of gaining superiority. When the outside world can't provide their imagined sense of superiority, they close themselves up. It is worth mentioning that only mental patients will think that the specific performance of their goals is: "I have to do this, otherwise I have no choice." Everyone should be aware of their right to choose.
Finally, as a social person, we will get married. And marriage is the highest form of cooperation between people. The way parents cooperate in the family will be passed on to their children. For a long time in Europe, people with psychotic tendencies were asked to find lovers. But love and marriage are the most perfect whole personality, which can't be compared with finding a lover.
Somewhere in Germany, there is an ancient custom, which is said to be used to test whether a couple is suitable for a married life together. Before the wedding, the bride and groom will be taken to a square. A big tree that was cut down has been put there in advance. Sina and the bride will cut the trunk of the tree in half with a saw with handles at both ends. Through this experiment, we can see to what extent two people are willing to cooperate for each other. If they can't coordinate with each other, then they will regard each other as a constraint and eventually accomplish nothing. If one of them wants to take all the credit for himself and the other is willing to give up the credit, then their work will get twice the result with half the effort. Two people must be positive and enterprising at the same time, and their positive and enterprising must also be closely combined. It can be seen that these Germans have long known that cooperation is the primary prerequisite for marriage. (page 242)
This book probably ends here. Personally, when I read this book, I felt jumpy. I am probably a person with low self-esteem who can sit in the right position. This energy constraint has only been released recently, but there are still many residual effects. Even after reading this book, I don't want to think about some scenes. So, be careful, much ado about nothing. However, since I have a rewarding attitude, I think I have deepened the meaning of the word cooperation. After all, this is what Adler said, the way to get rid of inferiority.
I hope people can understand: "We must explore our own lives. This is our responsibility, and we can handle it. We are the masters of our actions. Who am I except the old cloth and the new job? "
Finally, I would like to talk about Adler's explanation of dreams, which I personally find very interesting. Sleep is not the antonym of sobriety. It's just different scales of a thing, just like men and women, hot and cold, dark and strong. The meaning of dreams is to provide a feeling that common sense cannot solve. It will unify the contradictions in reality and output a feeling as a solution. So when you really deal with this matter in reality, sometimes you will recall this feeling. This is vision.
Then say, the book "City of Man and Land". I want to throw up. Tang Ya recommended her husband's book without even saying it was her husband. It's really a question of not avoiding relatives. . . This book belongs to a book written for publication. The only thing that makes me gain something is that "history is spiraling up". Understand Mr. Zhang's agriculture and industrialization and his economic theory. Generally speaking, scholars' interpretation of the policy is still relatively in place. 15, I am writing an article about the Beijing-Tianjin-Hebei urban belt, but I just don't know if he has bought a house in xiong'an new area. However, I think that as a scholar, Xu Yuan is too superstitious about the power of the market. This book can be used as an article on rural land policy. The membership right under the separation of the three rights (ownership, contracting right and management right) (similar to the rural shares that farmers can take away) is also quite interesting.