Family education is an important part of life education, which is directly related to the training quality of talents. Today, as we are about to enter the 2 1 century, the international competition is becoming increasingly fierce. In the final analysis, this competition is the competition for talents. Therefore, all countries attach great importance to family education in the educational project of cultivating cross-century talents. This issue has been a hot topic in China for a long time, which has aroused great concern from the country and all walks of life, especially the education sector. However, today, many families in our country have not gone out of the misunderstanding, and even affected the formation of good quality of workers. This paper intends to make a superficial comparison between Chinese and western family education in order to provide some reference for the improvement of family education in China.
First of all, two different views on parenting.
The focus of parenting in western countries is to cultivate social people whose children can adapt to various environments and live independently. Based on this concept, many families in western countries attach great importance to children's self-exercise since childhood. They generally believe that children's growth must rely on their own strength. Therefore, we should form a sense of self-reliance and the ability to live independently from an early age. And the ability to live independently comes from exercise from childhood. The so-called exercise is multifaceted, such as labor training, strong will training, endurance and hard-working spirit training and so on. But the most fundamental thing is to adapt to all kinds of difficult environment and labor ability. By participating in labor, children can form independent labor consciousness, labor skills and habits of loving labor from an early age; Overcome difficulties in work and hard environment, temper will, develop talents and specialties, increase intelligence, and form the quality of hard work and thrift. It is in this subtle process that with the growth of age, it gradually promotes it to become a citizen with independent viability and social responsibility.
Compared with western countries, China's concept of parenting is quite different. Some family parenting in China often focuses on children's future prospects, a good career and a rich life. Based on this expectation, most parents think that the responsibility of parents to their children is to make their children live well. Give children as much happiness as possible when they grow up. In short, if you can create the best living conditions for your children, you will be willing to work hard and tired. To this end, in the process of children's growth, parents pay more attention to life, and what they care most about is their children's intellectual education. In order to make children study hard and become successful, they are not allowed to do anything except study. As for children's independent living ability, adaptability to the future society and civic awareness, little consideration is given, and some even don't. It can be seen that the parenting style of parents in China is obviously different from that in western countries.
Second, two different ways and means of education
Due to the fundamental differences in parenting concepts, the ways and means of parenting are completely different. Parents in western countries take a laissez-faire attitude towards their children's upbringing from the perspective of cultivating their children's independent living ability. The so-called letting go means that parents try to create opportunities and conditions for their children to exercise themselves from the moment they are born, so that children can get full exercise in various environments. The common practice is to let children do self-help work and all kinds of things within their power according to different ages, and cultivate their hobbies and specialties from the beginning. For example, an American family has three children in primary school. They all have their own roles and skills at home: 10-year-old boy, who is responsible for mowing the grass, watering the flowers and cleaning the courtyard for his father on weekends; 12-year-old girls can bake all kinds of delicious snacks according to different food recipes; An 8-year-old girl can weave colorful teacup mats [1]. This is obviously the result of exercise since childhood. It seems incredible to parents in China, but it is not an isolated phenomenon in western countries. As for the examples of primary and secondary school students and newsboys in western countries, there are countless more. According to the statistics of the British Federation of Newspaper Sales Stations, there are about 500,000 newsboys in Britain [2]. It is also common for older middle school students to work, and they all rely on their parents to support them. An Englishman said, "Parents don't object to their children working to earn money, and even encourage them. First of all, they can save some expenses, and more importantly, they can cultivate their children's sense of self-reliance from an early age. ..... let children know that money must be bought with labor ",so they know that they can't spend money indiscriminately. All the above examples show that parents in western countries are completely free in educating their children. But their children's education is neglected. The so-called laissez-faire is generally reflected in three aspects. First, bitterness is better than flattery. Parents in western countries pay special attention to cultivating their children's spirit of suffering. In the "contest in summer camp" between Chinese and Japanese children, Japanese children have excellent self-management ability, and they collectively prepare picnics during training. Some children persist in training despite illness, and all of them are hard-working and strong-willed. This is not a day's work, it is the result of hard work and exercise, and it is also the result of close cooperation between family education and school education. Children and adolescents in Europe, America and other countries have been engaged in newspaper delivery and part-time jobs since childhood, which in itself is a tempering of suffering spirit. In the cold winter, when children of the same age in China may still be asleep under the hot bed, they have already got up and delivered newspapers door to door. This is unacceptable to the doting parents in China, and some people even think it is "cruel". Second, the family is rich but not extravagant. Most families in western countries have better economic conditions than China, but they have strict requirements and regulations on children's pocket money. For example, parents in Germany will give their children pocket money regularly, and the amount depends on their age and the actual income of the family. If children need to pay some "necessities" money in advance, parents will flatly refuse, and their good intentions are to cultivate their children's awareness of saving. Moreover, pocket money has never been used to reward children. The purpose is to educate children that they study hard solely for the purpose of becoming useful materials in the future. American parents are more "harsh" on their children's pocket money. According to the survey, 54% of young students in the United States have no pocket money, and the older they are, the less likely they are to get pocket money. About 68% of the young students interviewed earn pocket money by doing odd jobs [3]. Even more amazing is Rockefeller, the richest man in the United States. He is the richest man in the world, with a fortune of $654.38+0 billion, but his children's pocket money is "pitiful". The regulations on children's pocket money are printed on the front page of his account book: 30 points per week for 7-8 years old; 1 1- 12 years old per week 1 USD; People over 02 pay $ 65438+3 a week. Pocket money is paid once a week, asking children to remember the purpose of each expenditure and give it to their father for inspection next time. If the accounts are clear and used properly, 5 cents will be added next week; On the contrary, it will decrease. Rockefeller believes that "too much wealth will bring disaster to his descendants" [4]. This philosophical statement is worth pondering. Third, strict education is not eccentric. Westerners will never let their children's shortcomings and mistakes go unchecked, let alone protect them, but try to teach them to know their mistakes and correct them. The son of Frenchman Rana broke a friend's window. Instead of apologizing, Rana and his wife let their son hold a piece of glass to make up for his mistake, and asked the friend not to show any forgiveness to the child [5]. The advantages of parental laissez-faire parenting in western countries are obvious.
Compared with western countries, some parents in China have many shortcomings in their parenting methods, which can be summarized as follows. First, society is "overprotective". Many parents limit their children's contact with the outside world for fear that their children will suffer or learn badly. Once disputes or unpleasant things happen between children and their children or classmates, parents mostly take the attitude of protecting their children and blaming each other, which often develops into disputes or frictions between parents, but it has negative effects on children. Second, the "arranged substitution" in life. In China, parents, especially the only child, take care of their children's clothes, food, shelter and transportation quickly by "arranging instead" for fear that their children will be dirty and tired and will not be allowed to participate in housework. In short, this kind of "arranged substitution" involves all aspects of children's lives from the horizontal, and extends from the vertical to the children's adults. As a result, children aged three or four can't dress and eat by themselves, and children aged five or six can't tie their shoelaces by themselves. Most primary school students in the city are picked up by their parents, and some even carry schoolbags by their parents; Middle school students should be washed by their parents; Many freshmen are accompanied by their parents, who even make the beds. In short, many parents in China, especially the parents of the only child, have to arm their children from their heels to their teeth. Third, economic laissez-faire. Many parents in China are obedient to their children's financial requirements. Not to mention families with more money, even families with less money, parents should tighten their belts and even walk around to meet their children's various requirements and desires to adapt to the consumption atmosphere of comparing with each other. Generally speaking, children's pocket money is "generous" and given as needed. Children have to take one or two bus stops on the street, and even some primary and middle school students have to "take a taxi" to and from school, paying people to do their homework on duty, and what's more.
Some students (rich children) pay people to answer questions in exams. This is purely caused by parents' doting and connivance, especially economic indulgence.
Third, two different educational outcomes.
Because of the different viewpoints and methods of parenting, the educational results are obviously different. Children and adolescents in western countries have shown: (1) strong self-reliance since childhood. They have been independent of their parents and family since 18 years old. Even primary and secondary school students and even college students rely on their own jobs to supplement their consumption needs. Even in a very wealthy family, many children are working. For example, the daughter of an American professor is in college and works as a waiter in a restaurant every weekend. (2) Have the mind to adapt to the market economy. Children of some families in western countries have been involved in "self-financing" since childhood and learned some "management skills" such as sales and communication with customers. Practice has taught them that money is hard to come by, so they have developed the habit of being cautious and frugal. Two brothers (12 years old and 14 years old) living in Yorkshire, England, independently set up a "car wash company" under the influence of their father's occupation. The two brothers work hard and charge low. I'd rather walk more than buy tools, car wax, cleaning agents, etc. in lower-priced shopping malls. , thus reducing costs and winning customers. (3) Ability to adapt to social environment. Teenagers in western countries are not afraid of hardship and have the perseverance to overcome difficulties because of hard training since childhood; I am calm, can live in harmony with people around me, and have the confidence and courage to exist independently as a member of society. These qualities and skills have laid a foundation for job hunting and employment in the society in the future.
On the contrary, although children, teenagers and even college students in China are not inferior to the West academically, they generally show poor independent living ability, lack of self-reliance, strong dependence, passivity and timidity; Lack of adaptability and adaptability, lack of appropriate communication skills, poor interpersonal relationship; Afraid of hardship and fatigue, they only ask others to take care of them, but they lack sympathy and the ability to help others; I don't know how to care about my elders at home, and I lack a sense of social responsibility outside. The author once heard a mother tell her son's sad story in college, saying, "My son studies well, but he knows nothing and is selfish. He only cares about himself and doesn't care about his parents at all. He never cared about our illness, but he was a little ill himself, so he urged us to take him to a big hospital. He didn't go because of the low level of the school hospital. " She went on to say regretfully, "It's nobody's fault, it's all because we spoiled him since childhood." Imagine, people who only care about themselves and don't even care about their biological parents, what sense of social responsibility can they talk about?
To sum up, it is not difficult to see that two different parenting concepts and different educational methods have produced two completely different educational results, and it is very clear which is better or worse.