I have a student, fifteen years old, young and beautiful, who likes makeup best. This kind of behavior will naturally not be recognized by parents and teachers. Her mother is a stubborn person, who denied her makeup by beating more than once. But this girl is still banned repeatedly.
I once talked to this mother, and she said that she felt very helpless. She said that every time she went home, she would confiscate the cosmetics in her schoolbag, but she would continue to buy them, or quietly put them in other students' schoolbags, and didn't make up at home until she got to school. He said that every time he hit her hard, she almost fainted, but she hasn't changed since.
She has more helplessness than herself? Too many parents have encountered this problem. Parents always feel that in order to make their children remember for a long time, they must feel pain. Only pain can make him change.
This view is so ingrained. It seems particularly correct. However, we regret to find that punishment is only effective in the short term. Although the child's bad behavior will be stopped immediately, it will soon cause the child's rebound and even worsen the parent-child relationship.
Some people may say that they grew up beaten, but aren't they still successful?
To tell the truth, this sentence is very irresponsible. You can ask yourself, does your success really come from being beaten and punished? Did you really succeed because you were beaten? Anyway, for me, I have never been grateful for being beaten.
The parents' words can only prove that they are deeply impressed by being beaten. But there is no evidence that you succeeded because you were beaten. It can even be said that because you were hurt, your subconscious thought it was right. To put it a little darker, you may not want to be beaten and can't come back to say hello to the children.
Your beating has nothing to do with your success. Imagine, every time you go home to see your parents, will you especially appreciate his stick education?
Stick education can't really guide children to grow up healthily. It is easy to have two extremes after the fight. One is to be pampered. For example, a girl who loves makeup doesn't even have the basic ability to live. Her mother doesn't even cook in the kitchen refrigerator, because she can't cook anyway, and then she goes hungry at home.
Second, the relationship is tense. The child grew up and began to resist revenge. As a class teacher in high school, I have encountered similar problems more than once. Children understand that their parents beat themselves for their own good, but they just can't get up, and even start yelling at their parents or being silent. The communication between the two sides is almost blank.
The education of bonzi is definitely not a positive force. Don't expect your children to understand your pains in the future. They will understand now, but understanding does not mean accepting. Parents can consider it. If your current leader arranges you to do very important work, but it is always a way of shouting and never affirming you, can you accept it?
Don't just treat children as children. The parents of my other student are much better at dealing with their children's mistakes. The children and other students sneaked out after the examination before going to bed, which triggered a search by the teachers in the whole school. His mother didn't beat and scold, but went with the children to analyze the possible consequences of this matter. In the end, the children sincerely admitted their mistakes and did not make similar mistakes again.
Moreover, this child is extremely responsible and responsible. The next day in the office, when I asked about the cause of the incident. The child took all the responsibilities and said that he took other students out by himself. Without affectation, you take all the responsibilities at one stroke.
I still remember when I called my mother to tell her the situation, she said not to scold him. His mother replied, "scolding him won't solve the problem." The important thing is to solve the problem with him. "
Compared with the case of the girl in front, the way this child's mother handled it should be recognized and approved by us. Making children feel pain is really not an excellent way of education. For example, if you smoke on the bus, the passengers politely ask you not to smoke. When you straighten up, they will slap you in the face or call names. Which effect is better? It goes without saying.
Children are human beings, in many ways, just like adults. We can't accept the punishment ourselves, how can we expect our children to accept it?
We believe that punishment is to fulfill the responsibilities of parents and teachers, and we believe that punishment can make children grow up. What I don't understand is that punishment brings children's rebound and children's rebellion; Punishment brings obstacles to communication between the two sides and the lack of children's sense of belonging and self-worth. Punishment is essentially the embodiment of parents' inability to solve their children's problems.
Stick education comes from parents' fathers. Maybe this kind of education helped you correct some mistakes and get you back on track. But this way of education does not mean that it can be passed down today. Times are progressing. Today's children live in an era of information explosion. They are more independent. They need parents' listening and communication, not just repression.
In other words, this generation of children are more eager to communicate and talk with their parents on an equal footing. I don't want to be controlled by my parents. In this information age, they are eager for their parents' approval.
There is a little girl in the class, because the junior high school foundation is too poor, so even though she has worked very hard since high school, her grades can't be improved. Her mother didn't agree with her efforts at all, and told her directly that you couldn't get both grades, so you should go to a secondary vocational school next semester.
The mother's words made the child feel very uncomfortable. She doesn't understand why her closest mother doesn't support herself. I explained to her that if your mother didn't want you to go to college, she wouldn't let you go to high school. She just wants you to get better grades.
The girl nodded, but she still couldn't get over it. She is still struggling, why not encourage me, why not help me, but hit me.
Insisting on education and attacking education did have certain significance in that era when information exchange was inconvenient. I don't deny it. But behind this kind of education, the essence is that parents have no better educational methods. I hope parents now understand that parents need to study more, otherwise they will only be punished at a height, which will make you farther and farther away from your children.